@keenandailey.bsky.social
Took my kids #hiking
6 y/o: My legs are so tired. It feels like we’ve been out here for hours!
Me: *pulls out my AllTrails app* We’ve been out here for 6 minutes and we’ve gone 0.08 miles.
6: Are you serious?!?
We did manage to do a 2.5 mile round trip.
#parenting
6 y/o: My legs are so tired. It feels like we’ve been out here for hours!
Me: *pulls out my AllTrails app* We’ve been out here for 6 minutes and we’ve gone 0.08 miles.
6: Are you serious?!?
We did manage to do a 2.5 mile round trip.
#parenting
August 6, 2025 at 4:09 AM
Took my kids #hiking
6 y/o: My legs are so tired. It feels like we’ve been out here for hours!
Me: *pulls out my AllTrails app* We’ve been out here for 6 minutes and we’ve gone 0.08 miles.
6: Are you serious?!?
We did manage to do a 2.5 mile round trip.
#parenting
6 y/o: My legs are so tired. It feels like we’ve been out here for hours!
Me: *pulls out my AllTrails app* We’ve been out here for 6 minutes and we’ve gone 0.08 miles.
6: Are you serious?!?
We did manage to do a 2.5 mile round trip.
#parenting
A snake and a grasshopper both hiding from my children.
July 21, 2025 at 1:26 AM
A snake and a grasshopper both hiding from my children.
6 y/o: Dada, I want to live forever
Me: Ok
6: And I want you to live forever
Me: Done. You got it kid.
6: Dada, what are we going to do when the sun explodes?
Me: Tell you what, as soon as the oceans start to boil, we’ll get out of here. We have about a billion years to plan
6: Ok!
#parenting
Me: Ok
6: And I want you to live forever
Me: Done. You got it kid.
6: Dada, what are we going to do when the sun explodes?
Me: Tell you what, as soon as the oceans start to boil, we’ll get out of here. We have about a billion years to plan
6: Ok!
#parenting
April 12, 2025 at 4:06 AM
6 y/o: Dada, I want to live forever
Me: Ok
6: And I want you to live forever
Me: Done. You got it kid.
6: Dada, what are we going to do when the sun explodes?
Me: Tell you what, as soon as the oceans start to boil, we’ll get out of here. We have about a billion years to plan
6: Ok!
#parenting
Me: Ok
6: And I want you to live forever
Me: Done. You got it kid.
6: Dada, what are we going to do when the sun explodes?
Me: Tell you what, as soon as the oceans start to boil, we’ll get out of here. We have about a billion years to plan
6: Ok!
#parenting
Made pasta from scratch the other night, and my 8 y/o said, “You didn’t really make it from scratch. You didn’t mill the flour.”
Ok Mr. Dark Ages. Good grief 😆
#parenting
Ok Mr. Dark Ages. Good grief 😆
#parenting
February 22, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Made pasta from scratch the other night, and my 8 y/o said, “You didn’t really make it from scratch. You didn’t mill the flour.”
Ok Mr. Dark Ages. Good grief 😆
#parenting
Ok Mr. Dark Ages. Good grief 😆
#parenting
Me: When we get home, you need to bathe.
6 y/o: Why?!? I smell as clean as a hotdog!
Me: That’s actually what I’m talking about.
#parenting
6 y/o: Why?!? I smell as clean as a hotdog!
Me: That’s actually what I’m talking about.
#parenting
February 12, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Me: When we get home, you need to bathe.
6 y/o: Why?!? I smell as clean as a hotdog!
Me: That’s actually what I’m talking about.
#parenting
6 y/o: Why?!? I smell as clean as a hotdog!
Me: That’s actually what I’m talking about.
#parenting
My wife was teaching my 8 y/o how to make meatballs.
Him with his hands in the meat: I hate this! It feels so gross!
Wife: Just think of it as kinetic sand.
Me: More like kinetic pig.
Him: Ahh!
Apparently my comments are not helpful 😆
#parenting
Him with his hands in the meat: I hate this! It feels so gross!
Wife: Just think of it as kinetic sand.
Me: More like kinetic pig.
Him: Ahh!
Apparently my comments are not helpful 😆
#parenting
January 13, 2025 at 12:58 AM
My wife was teaching my 8 y/o how to make meatballs.
Him with his hands in the meat: I hate this! It feels so gross!
Wife: Just think of it as kinetic sand.
Me: More like kinetic pig.
Him: Ahh!
Apparently my comments are not helpful 😆
#parenting
Him with his hands in the meat: I hate this! It feels so gross!
Wife: Just think of it as kinetic sand.
Me: More like kinetic pig.
Him: Ahh!
Apparently my comments are not helpful 😆
#parenting
Whenever I type “lol,” I make sure to let out a little chuckle, because my mother didn’t raise a liar.
January 12, 2025 at 10:29 PM
Whenever I type “lol,” I make sure to let out a little chuckle, because my mother didn’t raise a liar.
8 y/o: Can I have some milk?
Me: I don’t know, CAN you?
8 y/o (confused): I’m still breathing, so yeah?
Alright kiddo, you win this round.
#parenting
Me: I don’t know, CAN you?
8 y/o (confused): I’m still breathing, so yeah?
Alright kiddo, you win this round.
#parenting
January 7, 2025 at 2:44 PM
8 y/o: Can I have some milk?
Me: I don’t know, CAN you?
8 y/o (confused): I’m still breathing, so yeah?
Alright kiddo, you win this round.
#parenting
Me: I don’t know, CAN you?
8 y/o (confused): I’m still breathing, so yeah?
Alright kiddo, you win this round.
#parenting
December 28, 2024 at 11:27 PM
5 y/o talking to my parent’s dog: Sorry Finn, I only speak cat. I don’t speak dog.
My mother: Oh don’t worry! Finn speaks English.
5 y/o: Your dog speaks… ENGLISH?!?
#parenting
My mother: Oh don’t worry! Finn speaks English.
5 y/o: Your dog speaks… ENGLISH?!?
#parenting
December 27, 2024 at 7:39 PM
5 y/o talking to my parent’s dog: Sorry Finn, I only speak cat. I don’t speak dog.
My mother: Oh don’t worry! Finn speaks English.
5 y/o: Your dog speaks… ENGLISH?!?
#parenting
My mother: Oh don’t worry! Finn speaks English.
5 y/o: Your dog speaks… ENGLISH?!?
#parenting
Kids! You gotta go to sleep! Santa is already in Virginia!
Thank you NORAD,
From all celebrating parents tonight
Thank you NORAD,
From all celebrating parents tonight
December 25, 2024 at 4:27 AM
Kids! You gotta go to sleep! Santa is already in Virginia!
Thank you NORAD,
From all celebrating parents tonight
Thank you NORAD,
From all celebrating parents tonight
My wife asked which Christmas shapes were most important so she could make extra for me. I didn’t even hesitate
December 24, 2024 at 11:10 PM
My wife asked which Christmas shapes were most important so she could make extra for me. I didn’t even hesitate
So I was checking NORAD, and it took Santa 74 seconds to get from Chişinău, Moldova, to Bucharest, Romania, which is 160 miles away as the crow flies. This implies a speed of 7784 mph (12527 kph), or 10 times the speed of sound. The lack of sonic booms implies some serious stealth technology.
December 24, 2024 at 7:48 PM
So I was checking NORAD, and it took Santa 74 seconds to get from Chişinău, Moldova, to Bucharest, Romania, which is 160 miles away as the crow flies. This implies a speed of 7784 mph (12527 kph), or 10 times the speed of sound. The lack of sonic booms implies some serious stealth technology.
Why do German children struggle to eat their Christmas bread?
Because it’s usually stollen!
#dadjokes #christmasjokes
Because it’s usually stollen!
#dadjokes #christmasjokes
December 24, 2024 at 4:35 PM
Why do German children struggle to eat their Christmas bread?
Because it’s usually stollen!
#dadjokes #christmasjokes
Because it’s usually stollen!
#dadjokes #christmasjokes
Yes children, I know 23 F (-5 C) “Isn’t that cold,” but you still have to wear your jackets so your teachers don’t judge us.
They negotiated down to their ratty old hoodies. At least they’re getting new ones for Christmas
#parenting
They negotiated down to their ratty old hoodies. At least they’re getting new ones for Christmas
#parenting
December 18, 2024 at 6:11 PM
Yes children, I know 23 F (-5 C) “Isn’t that cold,” but you still have to wear your jackets so your teachers don’t judge us.
They negotiated down to their ratty old hoodies. At least they’re getting new ones for Christmas
#parenting
They negotiated down to their ratty old hoodies. At least they’re getting new ones for Christmas
#parenting
Was running late for work, but still dashed back inside to grab Defy the Storm by @tessagratton.bsky.social and @justinaireland.com
I have enjoyed every minute of it! Especially seeing Vernestra grow as a character, and how Xylan can’t help but put on a performance for everyone but Plinka.
I have enjoyed every minute of it! Especially seeing Vernestra grow as a character, and how Xylan can’t help but put on a performance for everyone but Plinka.
December 17, 2024 at 4:10 AM
Was running late for work, but still dashed back inside to grab Defy the Storm by @tessagratton.bsky.social and @justinaireland.com
I have enjoyed every minute of it! Especially seeing Vernestra grow as a character, and how Xylan can’t help but put on a performance for everyone but Plinka.
I have enjoyed every minute of it! Especially seeing Vernestra grow as a character, and how Xylan can’t help but put on a performance for everyone but Plinka.
Woke up this morning to my 5 year old excitedly wishing me a Merry Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve!
Looks like my sense of humor is wearing off on him 😎
#parenting
Looks like my sense of humor is wearing off on him 😎
#parenting
December 14, 2024 at 4:19 PM
Woke up this morning to my 5 year old excitedly wishing me a Merry Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve!
Looks like my sense of humor is wearing off on him 😎
#parenting
Looks like my sense of humor is wearing off on him 😎
#parenting
It’s finally time to tell my favorite joke of the holiday season!
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph get a room at the inn?
Because you always need a reservation during the week of Christmas.
#jokes #dadjokes #Christmasjokes
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph get a room at the inn?
Because you always need a reservation during the week of Christmas.
#jokes #dadjokes #Christmasjokes
December 14, 2024 at 2:19 PM
It’s finally time to tell my favorite joke of the holiday season!
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph get a room at the inn?
Because you always need a reservation during the week of Christmas.
#jokes #dadjokes #Christmasjokes
Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph get a room at the inn?
Because you always need a reservation during the week of Christmas.
#jokes #dadjokes #Christmasjokes
While eating dinner the other night:
Wife *takes a bite*: Is this ground pork?
Me: Honey, all pork is ground pork. Pigs can’t fly.
8 y/o: BUT WHAT IF WE HAD A CANNON?!?
Checkmate kiddo. You win this round.
#parenting
#dadjokes
Wife *takes a bite*: Is this ground pork?
Me: Honey, all pork is ground pork. Pigs can’t fly.
8 y/o: BUT WHAT IF WE HAD A CANNON?!?
Checkmate kiddo. You win this round.
#parenting
#dadjokes
December 10, 2024 at 3:47 PM
While eating dinner the other night:
Wife *takes a bite*: Is this ground pork?
Me: Honey, all pork is ground pork. Pigs can’t fly.
8 y/o: BUT WHAT IF WE HAD A CANNON?!?
Checkmate kiddo. You win this round.
#parenting
#dadjokes
Wife *takes a bite*: Is this ground pork?
Me: Honey, all pork is ground pork. Pigs can’t fly.
8 y/o: BUT WHAT IF WE HAD A CANNON?!?
Checkmate kiddo. You win this round.
#parenting
#dadjokes
My youngest (5) didn’t like the way his tortilla chips looked, so he decided to eat them in the dark.
This is some of the funniest and most genius kid logic I’ve seen so far.
#parenting
This is some of the funniest and most genius kid logic I’ve seen so far.
#parenting
December 8, 2024 at 9:33 PM
My youngest (5) didn’t like the way his tortilla chips looked, so he decided to eat them in the dark.
This is some of the funniest and most genius kid logic I’ve seen so far.
#parenting
This is some of the funniest and most genius kid logic I’ve seen so far.
#parenting
I’ve heard that frozen bananas taste a lot like ice cream, so today I decided to see if the opposite was true and replaced the banana in my smoothie with ice cream. Can confirm, 100% works 😎
December 7, 2024 at 6:19 PM
I’ve heard that frozen bananas taste a lot like ice cream, so today I decided to see if the opposite was true and replaced the banana in my smoothie with ice cream. Can confirm, 100% works 😎
Today my kids were being silly, so I jokingly asked, “What the ‘skibidi sigma’ is going on here?”
My 8 year old got very serious and told me, “That meme is over. Nobody says that anymore.”
I told him that’s too bad, because I genuinely can’t imagine their slang getting any goofier.
#parenting
My 8 year old got very serious and told me, “That meme is over. Nobody says that anymore.”
I told him that’s too bad, because I genuinely can’t imagine their slang getting any goofier.
#parenting
December 4, 2024 at 3:41 PM
Today my kids were being silly, so I jokingly asked, “What the ‘skibidi sigma’ is going on here?”
My 8 year old got very serious and told me, “That meme is over. Nobody says that anymore.”
I told him that’s too bad, because I genuinely can’t imagine their slang getting any goofier.
#parenting
My 8 year old got very serious and told me, “That meme is over. Nobody says that anymore.”
I told him that’s too bad, because I genuinely can’t imagine their slang getting any goofier.
#parenting
Just scored the #StarWars original trilogy book series at Bookworm in Boulder, Colorado! Now may be a great time to hit up your local used bookstore before customers swoop in with their Christmas money. There were far more hard to find titles than I’m used to seeing. And some great kids books too!
December 3, 2024 at 5:03 PM
Just scored the #StarWars original trilogy book series at Bookworm in Boulder, Colorado! Now may be a great time to hit up your local used bookstore before customers swoop in with their Christmas money. There were far more hard to find titles than I’m used to seeing. And some great kids books too!