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Kidlat News
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Kidlat News is a low-bandwidth, text-only website featuring our satirical take on Philippine news and current events.
Elon Musk Offers $1 Billion to the Philippines If It Changes Name to 'Philippenis'
#philippines #elonmusk
Elon Musk Offers $1 Billion to the Philippines If It Changes Name to 'Philippenis'
(Hawthorne, California) – In a stunning development, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk offered 1 billion dollars to the Philippines if it would agree to change its name to ‘Philippenis’. “I will give...
kidl.at
February 23, 2024 at 2:25 PM
Filipino Tourist Sets New World Record For Fastest Airplane-Touchdown-to-Seatbelt-Unfastening Time
#philippines #tokyo #travel
Filipino Tourist Sets New World Record For Fastest Airplane-Touchdown-to-Seatbelt-Unfastening Time
(Tokyo, Japan) – Las Piñas, Metro Manila native Ronald Dimalanta, 37, set a new world record Tuesday when he managed to unfasten his seatbelt an astounding 0.009 seconds after his All Nippon Airways a...
kidl.at
February 23, 2024 at 2:23 PM
Senator Ronald Dela Rosa Declares Trees 'Communist Sympathizers,' Calls For Complete Deforestation of Mountains
#philippines #delarosa #npa #cpp-npa
Senator Ronald Dela Rosa Declares Trees 'Communist Sympathizers,' Calls For Complete Deforestation of Mountains
(Pasay City, Philippines) – In a priviledged speech on the Philippine Senate floor Friday, Senator Ronald ‘Bato’ dela Rosa declared that trees are ‘communist sympathizers’ that should be eradicated fr...
kidl.at
February 23, 2024 at 2:22 PM
Anti-Poverty Czar Larry Gadon to Tondo Slum Dwellers: 'Just Stop Being Poor'
#philippines #gadon
Anti-Poverty Czar Larry Gadon to Tondo Slum Dwellers: 'Just Stop Being Poor'
(Manila, Philippines) – Presidential Adviser for Poverty Alleviation and motivational speaker Larry Gadon shared the suprisingly simple secret to a richer life to Tondo’s destitute: “Just stop being p...
kidl.at
February 23, 2024 at 2:21 PM
Jollibee CEO Ernesto Tanmantiong Sues Company, Demands Paid Leave, 13th-Month Pay
#philippines #jollibee
Jollibee CEO Ernesto Tanmantiong Sues Company, Demands Paid Leave, 13th-Month Pay
(Pasig City, Philippines) – The Philippine corporate world was rocked Monday when long-time CEO Ernesto Tanmantiong filed suit at the Pasig Regional Trial Court against his company Jollibee Foods Corp...
kidl.at
February 23, 2024 at 2:19 PM