and the thing is idk if i even want to spend the future with him. I don't really want to meet his family or friends or do things that would be expected of me. fear of not meeting expectations or of doing or saying something weird or awkward by mistake. and also what's the point if it's not serious.

but the things he doesn't are really big things. like politics (being "apolitical"/clearly more moderate-leaning. ew.) and financial/spending habits. i know it's his money but how can he expect me to think he's being serious about the future when he immediately spends any extra income he earns?

because i don't want one. what i want is companionship; someone who i can share life experiences with, have a good time, learn, explore, travel. but i also need someone who shares the same core values and beliefs and who is willing to understand who i am. and he does a lot of those things.

and i kind of feel like i could be anyone. and he could probably be anyone too. if i really defined myself I'd say I'm demisexual and aromantic. i also have late-diagnosed adhd and i believe i am on the autism spectrum as well. relationships are exhausting. I haven't had a relationship in 10 years

and idk if he hasn't told them about me because I didn't want the label and pressure that comes with that or what. he'll mention "the future" to me with regards to me in it, but tbh idk if he even really likes me, lol. we've worked together for around 3 years, we're in our 30s (I'm 5 years older)

i only said we were exclusive because i didn't want to be intimate if he was going to be with anyone else. now he sometimes refers to me as his girlfriend when we've never officially discussed that. but he hasn't told his family about me, and idk if his friends know.