@klingonofficememos.bsky.social
Team,
I will be starting a morning aerobics program in the area formerly occupied by some of our recently departed customer service warriors. We will honor their memory by doing burpees, sit-ups, and Klingon war chants. DO NOT FORGET TO BRING A TOWEL!
- T'im
I will be starting a morning aerobics program in the area formerly occupied by some of our recently departed customer service warriors. We will honor their memory by doing burpees, sit-ups, and Klingon war chants. DO NOT FORGET TO BRING A TOWEL!
- T'im
April 6, 2025 at 3:49 PM
Team,
I will be starting a morning aerobics program in the area formerly occupied by some of our recently departed customer service warriors. We will honor their memory by doing burpees, sit-ups, and Klingon war chants. DO NOT FORGET TO BRING A TOWEL!
- T'im
I will be starting a morning aerobics program in the area formerly occupied by some of our recently departed customer service warriors. We will honor their memory by doing burpees, sit-ups, and Klingon war chants. DO NOT FORGET TO BRING A TOWEL!
- T'im
T'im,
I will be coming in late every Tuesday for the next few weeks. I'm starting physical therapy appointments for my shoulder. It turns out that doing tai chi while holding a bat'leth can lead to muscle strains. I still appreciate the suggestion though.
- Gary
I will be coming in late every Tuesday for the next few weeks. I'm starting physical therapy appointments for my shoulder. It turns out that doing tai chi while holding a bat'leth can lead to muscle strains. I still appreciate the suggestion though.
- Gary
April 1, 2025 at 3:52 PM
T'im,
I will be coming in late every Tuesday for the next few weeks. I'm starting physical therapy appointments for my shoulder. It turns out that doing tai chi while holding a bat'leth can lead to muscle strains. I still appreciate the suggestion though.
- Gary
I will be coming in late every Tuesday for the next few weeks. I'm starting physical therapy appointments for my shoulder. It turns out that doing tai chi while holding a bat'leth can lead to muscle strains. I still appreciate the suggestion though.
- Gary
Team,
Performance reviews are next week. While I appreciate demonstrations of martial prowess and the wielding of traditional Klingon weapons, due to ceiling damage during last year's reviews, please limit yourself to verbal outbursts. A capella renditions of Klingon opera are allowed.
- T'im
Performance reviews are next week. While I appreciate demonstrations of martial prowess and the wielding of traditional Klingon weapons, due to ceiling damage during last year's reviews, please limit yourself to verbal outbursts. A capella renditions of Klingon opera are allowed.
- T'im
March 30, 2025 at 10:49 PM
Team,
Performance reviews are next week. While I appreciate demonstrations of martial prowess and the wielding of traditional Klingon weapons, due to ceiling damage during last year's reviews, please limit yourself to verbal outbursts. A capella renditions of Klingon opera are allowed.
- T'im
Performance reviews are next week. While I appreciate demonstrations of martial prowess and the wielding of traditional Klingon weapons, due to ceiling damage during last year's reviews, please limit yourself to verbal outbursts. A capella renditions of Klingon opera are allowed.
- T'im
Team,
Our colleague Rick has returned from his honeymoon. We will welcome him back with a feast in the break room tomorrow! Our celebration shall wake the ancestors!
Due to budgetary issues, it will have to be a potluck. Homemade dishes preferred. Dave is bringing Rokeg blood pie.
- T'im
Our colleague Rick has returned from his honeymoon. We will welcome him back with a feast in the break room tomorrow! Our celebration shall wake the ancestors!
Due to budgetary issues, it will have to be a potluck. Homemade dishes preferred. Dave is bringing Rokeg blood pie.
- T'im
March 29, 2025 at 3:33 PM
Team,
Our colleague Rick has returned from his honeymoon. We will welcome him back with a feast in the break room tomorrow! Our celebration shall wake the ancestors!
Due to budgetary issues, it will have to be a potluck. Homemade dishes preferred. Dave is bringing Rokeg blood pie.
- T'im
Our colleague Rick has returned from his honeymoon. We will welcome him back with a feast in the break room tomorrow! Our celebration shall wake the ancestors!
Due to budgetary issues, it will have to be a potluck. Homemade dishes preferred. Dave is bringing Rokeg blood pie.
- T'im
Team,
Management has provided the finalized list of company goals for the year. I am disappointed to report that our team's suggestion, to conquer the ninth floor and enslave the accountants who toil there, did not make the cut.
The conquering will thus have to be done on personal time.
- T'im
Management has provided the finalized list of company goals for the year. I am disappointed to report that our team's suggestion, to conquer the ninth floor and enslave the accountants who toil there, did not make the cut.
The conquering will thus have to be done on personal time.
- T'im
March 27, 2025 at 8:48 AM
Team,
Management has provided the finalized list of company goals for the year. I am disappointed to report that our team's suggestion, to conquer the ninth floor and enslave the accountants who toil there, did not make the cut.
The conquering will thus have to be done on personal time.
- T'im
Management has provided the finalized list of company goals for the year. I am disappointed to report that our team's suggestion, to conquer the ninth floor and enslave the accountants who toil there, did not make the cut.
The conquering will thus have to be done on personal time.
- T'im
Team,
Subcommander K'ren has wasted no time in beginning her conquest of the office common areas. We will show her the strength of our warrior spirit!
I want a two-page report from each of you on ways we can counter her advances. HAVE THEM ON MY DESK BY THURSDAY!
- T'im
Subcommander K'ren has wasted no time in beginning her conquest of the office common areas. We will show her the strength of our warrior spirit!
I want a two-page report from each of you on ways we can counter her advances. HAVE THEM ON MY DESK BY THURSDAY!
- T'im
March 22, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Team,
Subcommander K'ren has wasted no time in beginning her conquest of the office common areas. We will show her the strength of our warrior spirit!
I want a two-page report from each of you on ways we can counter her advances. HAVE THEM ON MY DESK BY THURSDAY!
- T'im
Subcommander K'ren has wasted no time in beginning her conquest of the office common areas. We will show her the strength of our warrior spirit!
I want a two-page report from each of you on ways we can counter her advances. HAVE THEM ON MY DESK BY THURSDAY!
- T'im
T'im,
How typical of your kind. Leaping directly to violence. It's no wonder you can never hold onto your gains in a conflict; no strategic thinking. I look forward to claiming dominion over the break room... soon.
- Subcommander K'ren
How typical of your kind. Leaping directly to violence. It's no wonder you can never hold onto your gains in a conflict; no strategic thinking. I look forward to claiming dominion over the break room... soon.
- Subcommander K'ren
March 18, 2025 at 4:32 PM
T'im,
How typical of your kind. Leaping directly to violence. It's no wonder you can never hold onto your gains in a conflict; no strategic thinking. I look forward to claiming dominion over the break room... soon.
- Subcommander K'ren
How typical of your kind. Leaping directly to violence. It's no wonder you can never hold onto your gains in a conflict; no strategic thinking. I look forward to claiming dominion over the break room... soon.
- Subcommander K'ren
Subcommander K'ren,
How dare you suggest such weakness in my department! I would cut out your heart and hang your lifeless body in the foyer if the HR manual did not specifically prohibit it!
- T'im
How dare you suggest such weakness in my department! I would cut out your heart and hang your lifeless body in the foyer if the HR manual did not specifically prohibit it!
- T'im
March 17, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Subcommander K'ren,
How dare you suggest such weakness in my department! I would cut out your heart and hang your lifeless body in the foyer if the HR manual did not specifically prohibit it!
- T'im
How dare you suggest such weakness in my department! I would cut out your heart and hang your lifeless body in the foyer if the HR manual did not specifically prohibit it!
- T'im
T'im,
As the new head of PR I would like to meet with you to discuss the state of things. It seems your department has a tendency to respond to complaints with threats of flogging. Surely you have more control than that over your underlings?
- Subcommander K'ren
As the new head of PR I would like to meet with you to discuss the state of things. It seems your department has a tendency to respond to complaints with threats of flogging. Surely you have more control than that over your underlings?
- Subcommander K'ren
March 16, 2025 at 9:10 PM
T'im,
As the new head of PR I would like to meet with you to discuss the state of things. It seems your department has a tendency to respond to complaints with threats of flogging. Surely you have more control than that over your underlings?
- Subcommander K'ren
As the new head of PR I would like to meet with you to discuss the state of things. It seems your department has a tendency to respond to complaints with threats of flogging. Surely you have more control than that over your underlings?
- Subcommander K'ren
Team,
The PR department has a new director. I have been told that we must accommodate Subcommander K'ren with all due professionalism. We will be working closely with this... Romulan.
I will be in the company gym until 3. Disregard the smashing noises.
- T'im
The PR department has a new director. I have been told that we must accommodate Subcommander K'ren with all due professionalism. We will be working closely with this... Romulan.
I will be in the company gym until 3. Disregard the smashing noises.
- T'im
March 15, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Team,
The PR department has a new director. I have been told that we must accommodate Subcommander K'ren with all due professionalism. We will be working closely with this... Romulan.
I will be in the company gym until 3. Disregard the smashing noises.
- T'im
The PR department has a new director. I have been told that we must accommodate Subcommander K'ren with all due professionalism. We will be working closely with this... Romulan.
I will be in the company gym until 3. Disregard the smashing noises.
- T'im
Team,
I return to work, healed of my sickness. I regret to inform you that Crime Scene Kitchen does not, as I had believed, feature any actual crimes. No murders! No blood! Hardly worthy entertainment for a true warrior.
Though Yolanda Gampp is pretty cool.
- T'im
I return to work, healed of my sickness. I regret to inform you that Crime Scene Kitchen does not, as I had believed, feature any actual crimes. No murders! No blood! Hardly worthy entertainment for a true warrior.
Though Yolanda Gampp is pretty cool.
- T'im
March 14, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Team,
I return to work, healed of my sickness. I regret to inform you that Crime Scene Kitchen does not, as I had believed, feature any actual crimes. No murders! No blood! Hardly worthy entertainment for a true warrior.
Though Yolanda Gampp is pretty cool.
- T'im
I return to work, healed of my sickness. I regret to inform you that Crime Scene Kitchen does not, as I had believed, feature any actual crimes. No murders! No blood! Hardly worthy entertainment for a true warrior.
Though Yolanda Gampp is pretty cool.
- T'im
Team,
T'im texted this morning to say that he is still out sick but that we must "crush our performance metrics for this quarter" and that "the halls will run red with the ink of our competitors." We will be sending him a muffin basket.
- Jan
T'im texted this morning to say that he is still out sick but that we must "crush our performance metrics for this quarter" and that "the halls will run red with the ink of our competitors." We will be sending him a muffin basket.
- Jan
March 13, 2025 at 5:18 AM
Team,
T'im texted this morning to say that he is still out sick but that we must "crush our performance metrics for this quarter" and that "the halls will run red with the ink of our competitors." We will be sending him a muffin basket.
- Jan
T'im texted this morning to say that he is still out sick but that we must "crush our performance metrics for this quarter" and that "the halls will run red with the ink of our competitors." We will be sending him a muffin basket.
- Jan
Team,
I appear to have caught some sort of infection, perhaps during the close-quarters karaoke singing at Rick's celebration. Today I will rest at home and watch episodes of Crime Scene Kitchen, as suggested by Jen. For the glory of baking!
- T'im
I appear to have caught some sort of infection, perhaps during the close-quarters karaoke singing at Rick's celebration. Today I will rest at home and watch episodes of Crime Scene Kitchen, as suggested by Jen. For the glory of baking!
- T'im
March 10, 2025 at 3:28 PM
Team,
I appear to have caught some sort of infection, perhaps during the close-quarters karaoke singing at Rick's celebration. Today I will rest at home and watch episodes of Crime Scene Kitchen, as suggested by Jen. For the glory of baking!
- T'im
I appear to have caught some sort of infection, perhaps during the close-quarters karaoke singing at Rick's celebration. Today I will rest at home and watch episodes of Crime Scene Kitchen, as suggested by Jen. For the glory of baking!
- T'im
Team,
Rick's celebration was a success! While the pool cues used in place of painstiks for his Rite of Ascension were certainly non-standard, he nonetheless performed admirably! Surely his wedding itself could not be any more painful! Ha ha ha! But seriously, good luck, Rick.
- T'im
Rick's celebration was a success! While the pool cues used in place of painstiks for his Rite of Ascension were certainly non-standard, he nonetheless performed admirably! Surely his wedding itself could not be any more painful! Ha ha ha! But seriously, good luck, Rick.
- T'im
March 9, 2025 at 4:53 PM
Team,
Rick's celebration was a success! While the pool cues used in place of painstiks for his Rite of Ascension were certainly non-standard, he nonetheless performed admirably! Surely his wedding itself could not be any more painful! Ha ha ha! But seriously, good luck, Rick.
- T'im
Rick's celebration was a success! While the pool cues used in place of painstiks for his Rite of Ascension were certainly non-standard, he nonetheless performed admirably! Surely his wedding itself could not be any more painful! Ha ha ha! But seriously, good luck, Rick.
- T'im
Team,
Our colleague Rick is getting married this weekend. We will send him off with a celebration that shall wake the spirit of Kahless!
Thursday, 5:30, O'Shaugnessy's Bar and Taproom. PARKING WILL NOT BE VALIDATED!
- T'im
Our colleague Rick is getting married this weekend. We will send him off with a celebration that shall wake the spirit of Kahless!
Thursday, 5:30, O'Shaugnessy's Bar and Taproom. PARKING WILL NOT BE VALIDATED!
- T'im
March 8, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Team,
Our colleague Rick is getting married this weekend. We will send him off with a celebration that shall wake the spirit of Kahless!
Thursday, 5:30, O'Shaugnessy's Bar and Taproom. PARKING WILL NOT BE VALIDATED!
- T'im
Our colleague Rick is getting married this weekend. We will send him off with a celebration that shall wake the spirit of Kahless!
Thursday, 5:30, O'Shaugnessy's Bar and Taproom. PARKING WILL NOT BE VALIDATED!
- T'im
T'im,
While our company appreciates cultural diversity, I must ask that you not leave jugs of bloodwine in the break room. Not only don't we permit alcoholic beverages in the building, Kelly thought it was pinot and is now psychologically traumatized from drinking serpent worm blood.
- Terry, HR
While our company appreciates cultural diversity, I must ask that you not leave jugs of bloodwine in the break room. Not only don't we permit alcoholic beverages in the building, Kelly thought it was pinot and is now psychologically traumatized from drinking serpent worm blood.
- Terry, HR
March 7, 2025 at 4:10 PM
T'im,
While our company appreciates cultural diversity, I must ask that you not leave jugs of bloodwine in the break room. Not only don't we permit alcoholic beverages in the building, Kelly thought it was pinot and is now psychologically traumatized from drinking serpent worm blood.
- Terry, HR
While our company appreciates cultural diversity, I must ask that you not leave jugs of bloodwine in the break room. Not only don't we permit alcoholic beverages in the building, Kelly thought it was pinot and is now psychologically traumatized from drinking serpent worm blood.
- Terry, HR
Oliver,
We must discuss these phishing test emails your so-called IT department keeps sending to my team. They are easily detected and will not fool my reports! You must imbue future such emails with the deceptive spirit of the jat'yln if you wish to best my team!
- T'im
We must discuss these phishing test emails your so-called IT department keeps sending to my team. They are easily detected and will not fool my reports! You must imbue future such emails with the deceptive spirit of the jat'yln if you wish to best my team!
- T'im
March 7, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Oliver,
We must discuss these phishing test emails your so-called IT department keeps sending to my team. They are easily detected and will not fool my reports! You must imbue future such emails with the deceptive spirit of the jat'yln if you wish to best my team!
- T'im
We must discuss these phishing test emails your so-called IT department keeps sending to my team. They are easily detected and will not fool my reports! You must imbue future such emails with the deceptive spirit of the jat'yln if you wish to best my team!
- T'im
Gary,
Your enthusiasm is commendable! However Terry from HR has issued an edict banning bat'leths from the building. It would be dishonorable to violate such a rule.
Can your 3D printer create a d'k tahg instead?
- T'im
Your enthusiasm is commendable! However Terry from HR has issued an edict banning bat'leths from the building. It would be dishonorable to violate such a rule.
Can your 3D printer create a d'k tahg instead?
- T'im
March 5, 2025 at 4:04 PM
Gary,
Your enthusiasm is commendable! However Terry from HR has issued an edict banning bat'leths from the building. It would be dishonorable to violate such a rule.
Can your 3D printer create a d'k tahg instead?
- T'im
Your enthusiasm is commendable! However Terry from HR has issued an edict banning bat'leths from the building. It would be dishonorable to violate such a rule.
Can your 3D printer create a d'k tahg instead?
- T'im
T'im,
It would be the greatest honor of my career to serve as your cha'DIch! (Did I spell that right?) Our enemies will tremble before us! I will bring my bat'leth (which I 3D-printed this weekend) to make our foes cower!
- Gary
It would be the greatest honor of my career to serve as your cha'DIch! (Did I spell that right?) Our enemies will tremble before us! I will bring my bat'leth (which I 3D-printed this weekend) to make our foes cower!
- Gary
March 4, 2025 at 4:25 PM
T'im,
It would be the greatest honor of my career to serve as your cha'DIch! (Did I spell that right?) Our enemies will tremble before us! I will bring my bat'leth (which I 3D-printed this weekend) to make our foes cower!
- Gary
It would be the greatest honor of my career to serve as your cha'DIch! (Did I spell that right?) Our enemies will tremble before us! I will bring my bat'leth (which I 3D-printed this weekend) to make our foes cower!
- Gary
Gary,
Tomorrow I will present our quarterly report to the executive team. I request that you serve as my cha'DIch in the event Steve challenges my profitability numbers. We will not let him deny our honorable numbers! For the glory of the Company!
- T'im
Tomorrow I will present our quarterly report to the executive team. I request that you serve as my cha'DIch in the event Steve challenges my profitability numbers. We will not let him deny our honorable numbers! For the glory of the Company!
- T'im
March 3, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Gary,
Tomorrow I will present our quarterly report to the executive team. I request that you serve as my cha'DIch in the event Steve challenges my profitability numbers. We will not let him deny our honorable numbers! For the glory of the Company!
- T'im
Tomorrow I will present our quarterly report to the executive team. I request that you serve as my cha'DIch in the event Steve challenges my profitability numbers. We will not let him deny our honorable numbers! For the glory of the Company!
- T'im
T'im,
While I understand your anguish at the recent loss of your morning donut when Janice accidentally knocked it to the floor, performing the Klingon death howl in the break room is overly disruptive and has made some employees uncomfortable. Please howl privately in the future.
- Terry, HR
While I understand your anguish at the recent loss of your morning donut when Janice accidentally knocked it to the floor, performing the Klingon death howl in the break room is overly disruptive and has made some employees uncomfortable. Please howl privately in the future.
- Terry, HR
March 2, 2025 at 5:32 PM
T'im,
While I understand your anguish at the recent loss of your morning donut when Janice accidentally knocked it to the floor, performing the Klingon death howl in the break room is overly disruptive and has made some employees uncomfortable. Please howl privately in the future.
- Terry, HR
While I understand your anguish at the recent loss of your morning donut when Janice accidentally knocked it to the floor, performing the Klingon death howl in the break room is overly disruptive and has made some employees uncomfortable. Please howl privately in the future.
- Terry, HR
Team,
The interdepartmental softball tournament is this Saturday! Bring your warrior spirit so that we may crush Finance and Sales! Qapla'!
DO NOT FAIL to sign up for the post-game potluck.
Dave will be bringing vegan gagh.
- T'im
The interdepartmental softball tournament is this Saturday! Bring your warrior spirit so that we may crush Finance and Sales! Qapla'!
DO NOT FAIL to sign up for the post-game potluck.
Dave will be bringing vegan gagh.
- T'im
March 1, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Team,
The interdepartmental softball tournament is this Saturday! Bring your warrior spirit so that we may crush Finance and Sales! Qapla'!
DO NOT FAIL to sign up for the post-game potluck.
Dave will be bringing vegan gagh.
- T'im
The interdepartmental softball tournament is this Saturday! Bring your warrior spirit so that we may crush Finance and Sales! Qapla'!
DO NOT FAIL to sign up for the post-game potluck.
Dave will be bringing vegan gagh.
- T'im
Carol,
The birthday greeting card for Susan has not been seen since I gave it to you! If you have lost it, I will fling your lifeless body from the executive balcony! I demand you bring it to me at once!
- T'im
The birthday greeting card for Susan has not been seen since I gave it to you! If you have lost it, I will fling your lifeless body from the executive balcony! I demand you bring it to me at once!
- T'im
March 1, 2025 at 2:54 PM
Carol,
The birthday greeting card for Susan has not been seen since I gave it to you! If you have lost it, I will fling your lifeless body from the executive balcony! I demand you bring it to me at once!
- T'im
The birthday greeting card for Susan has not been seen since I gave it to you! If you have lost it, I will fling your lifeless body from the executive balcony! I demand you bring it to me at once!
- T'im
Team,
HR has informed me that several cars have been parked across multiple spaces in the lot. This is dishonorable behavior! Correct your pathetic vehicles or suffer my wrath!
- T'im
HR has informed me that several cars have been parked across multiple spaces in the lot. This is dishonorable behavior! Correct your pathetic vehicles or suffer my wrath!
- T'im
March 1, 2025 at 6:07 AM
Team,
HR has informed me that several cars have been parked across multiple spaces in the lot. This is dishonorable behavior! Correct your pathetic vehicles or suffer my wrath!
- T'im
HR has informed me that several cars have been parked across multiple spaces in the lot. This is dishonorable behavior! Correct your pathetic vehicles or suffer my wrath!
- T'im