KyaKali
@kyakali.bsky.social
Cozy and spicy fantasy romance author (18+), D&D player, Swordtail keeper, novice and confused gardener. She/her
https://writing.kyakali.com/
https://writing.kyakali.com/
Yeah! I have that same anxiety! Calling after someone or directing their attention like "hey, you!" is awkward/rude; it feels nicer "wait, sir" or "over here, miss" - but then I'm guessing! Upsides and downsides to both. I do what I can based on what I see and try to take corrections with grace.
January 30, 2026 at 11:08 PM
Yeah! I have that same anxiety! Calling after someone or directing their attention like "hey, you!" is awkward/rude; it feels nicer "wait, sir" or "over here, miss" - but then I'm guessing! Upsides and downsides to both. I do what I can based on what I see and try to take corrections with grace.
Haha, fair. I may not like to be called ma'am, but I've definitely used it exactly like that when someone is talking over me (or worse yelling about customer service stuff) but it's definitely by design so I can cut in and help resolve whatever it is. I never do it outside work though =)
January 30, 2026 at 1:38 AM
Haha, fair. I may not like to be called ma'am, but I've definitely used it exactly like that when someone is talking over me (or worse yelling about customer service stuff) but it's definitely by design so I can cut in and help resolve whatever it is. I never do it outside work though =)
for real. If you know I have a degree and bypass it? You deserve to be corrected... but yeah, it's weird to assume marital status, and I don't have the bandwidth to check for wedding rings. Besides! Miss "sounds" young, just take it that way and pretend its a compliment, ma'am ;)
January 30, 2026 at 1:36 AM
for real. If you know I have a degree and bypass it? You deserve to be corrected... but yeah, it's weird to assume marital status, and I don't have the bandwidth to check for wedding rings. Besides! Miss "sounds" young, just take it that way and pretend its a compliment, ma'am ;)
Not only that, but it's weird to guess/assume marital statuses. Haha. I would never reprimand a person in public for calling me ma'am, the cringe goes on the inside. People who nitpick about titles or things like that - the cringe is on the outside now, I feel like.
January 29, 2026 at 9:41 PM
Not only that, but it's weird to guess/assume marital statuses. Haha. I would never reprimand a person in public for calling me ma'am, the cringe goes on the inside. People who nitpick about titles or things like that - the cringe is on the outside now, I feel like.
Madam is totally way more fun, I agree! I do sometimes think it is a way to recognize age, too, so I think that's fair. I also particularly don't like it when it's an attention-getter "this way, ma'am" or "ma'am?" compared to just "thank you, ma'am" or something like that.
January 29, 2026 at 9:18 PM
Madam is totally way more fun, I agree! I do sometimes think it is a way to recognize age, too, so I think that's fair. I also particularly don't like it when it's an attention-getter "this way, ma'am" or "ma'am?" compared to just "thank you, ma'am" or something like that.
The tone definitely influences my reaction to it. When people use the word more soft and quick like you often hear in "thank you, ma'am," I don't mind it as much. Whenever it's used (in all fairness it's still polite) to direct me somewhere... I'm just like, oh no, does it have to be that word? =)
January 29, 2026 at 9:16 PM
The tone definitely influences my reaction to it. When people use the word more soft and quick like you often hear in "thank you, ma'am," I don't mind it as much. Whenever it's used (in all fairness it's still polite) to direct me somewhere... I'm just like, oh no, does it have to be that word? =)
I feel this is difficult to balance. I think sometimes people give snarky or even bad faith (poor reading ability??) critiques and should be treated as such. It is sometimes challenging to pick those out from what is hard but good. Just... don't let any one person get you down!
January 25, 2026 at 6:43 PM
I feel this is difficult to balance. I think sometimes people give snarky or even bad faith (poor reading ability??) critiques and should be treated as such. It is sometimes challenging to pick those out from what is hard but good. Just... don't let any one person get you down!
Sure! I don't mind considering it! you have experience with fantasy writing with some spicy and niche elements?
January 20, 2026 at 12:42 AM
Sure! I don't mind considering it! you have experience with fantasy writing with some spicy and niche elements?