Kyle W. Karmelita I
@kylewkarmelita.bsky.social
A practicing good person. Sometimes I tell jokes. Sometimes I play music. Sometimes I sit at home and just pet my cats.
I’m terribly sorry to everyone I’ve given advice to as of late.
I understand now that sending them a picture of your butt hole does not answer all of your problems.
For the time being I will be going back to answering with “did you bring the gasoline to watch me set myself on fire?”
I understand now that sending them a picture of your butt hole does not answer all of your problems.
For the time being I will be going back to answering with “did you bring the gasoline to watch me set myself on fire?”
December 23, 2025 at 5:18 PM
I’m terribly sorry to everyone I’ve given advice to as of late.
I understand now that sending them a picture of your butt hole does not answer all of your problems.
For the time being I will be going back to answering with “did you bring the gasoline to watch me set myself on fire?”
I understand now that sending them a picture of your butt hole does not answer all of your problems.
For the time being I will be going back to answering with “did you bring the gasoline to watch me set myself on fire?”
I recently discovered I have what you call “Pure O” OCD, which honestly explains why I’ve had such a love hate with doing stand up. If I’m not going to bomb on the stage, I’ll most likely bomb on my way home…
December 11, 2025 at 2:21 PM
I recently discovered I have what you call “Pure O” OCD, which honestly explains why I’ve had such a love hate with doing stand up. If I’m not going to bomb on the stage, I’ll most likely bomb on my way home…
I just want to know why the lady at the gas station looked at me funny and goes
“Laundry day?”
“Laundry day?”
December 4, 2025 at 9:03 PM
I just want to know why the lady at the gas station looked at me funny and goes
“Laundry day?”
“Laundry day?”
The amount of strange dudes I’ve ended up standing in my bathtub with has really become a big stat for me lately
November 14, 2025 at 8:26 PM
The amount of strange dudes I’ve ended up standing in my bathtub with has really become a big stat for me lately
Everyone keeps talking about 6 7 so confidently around me and I am afraid to ask what that is…
October 31, 2025 at 12:05 PM
Everyone keeps talking about 6 7 so confidently around me and I am afraid to ask what that is…
Kyle: “I don’t know who I pitch for my tv show idea. … it’s just a nature show..with Kyle. That’s it.”
“Clearly I would just meet animals”
“Clearly I would just meet animals”
October 24, 2025 at 11:17 PM
Kyle: “I don’t know who I pitch for my tv show idea. … it’s just a nature show..with Kyle. That’s it.”
“Clearly I would just meet animals”
“Clearly I would just meet animals”
The birthday card that my life insurance policy sent me (late I’ll add) feels very spiteful.
October 17, 2025 at 2:15 AM
The birthday card that my life insurance policy sent me (late I’ll add) feels very spiteful.
When people say “you will bring shame upon this family” I often think about this time I took my 21 year old nephew with me to a comedy show and he came downstairs wearing pajama pants….
Some say I’m still sighing about it to this day.
Some say I’m still sighing about it to this day.
October 14, 2025 at 9:50 PM
When people say “you will bring shame upon this family” I often think about this time I took my 21 year old nephew with me to a comedy show and he came downstairs wearing pajama pants….
Some say I’m still sighing about it to this day.
Some say I’m still sighing about it to this day.
Please when you see me with only a plate of cheese know that it’s not just all my cheese…
October 13, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Please when you see me with only a plate of cheese know that it’s not just all my cheese…
Nothing’s weirder than your landlord showing up with the other landlord you’ve been trying to replace them with. I feel like this is the type of rush you get when you set up 2 friends for a date.
I’m such a salesman I may have sold a house that wasn’t even for sale.
I’m such a salesman I may have sold a house that wasn’t even for sale.
October 7, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Nothing’s weirder than your landlord showing up with the other landlord you’ve been trying to replace them with. I feel like this is the type of rush you get when you set up 2 friends for a date.
I’m such a salesman I may have sold a house that wasn’t even for sale.
I’m such a salesman I may have sold a house that wasn’t even for sale.
To the person who has had a pending offer on the house I want… shit or get off the pot….
Thank you
Thank you
September 26, 2025 at 11:36 PM
To the person who has had a pending offer on the house I want… shit or get off the pot….
Thank you
Thank you
My cat is 2 for 2 in showing her butthole while I’m in the middle of a zoom interview.
September 12, 2025 at 6:09 PM
My cat is 2 for 2 in showing her butthole while I’m in the middle of a zoom interview.
I did an xlookup all by myself and I need everyone to high five me and tell me I’m the smartest man to walk this earth.
Thank you
Thank you
September 4, 2025 at 2:20 PM
I did an xlookup all by myself and I need everyone to high five me and tell me I’m the smartest man to walk this earth.
Thank you
Thank you
If you’ve ever asked me randomly “can I call you…” I’ve most likely called the police on you. Sorry.
#anxietythoughts
#anxietythoughts
August 29, 2025 at 12:12 PM
If you’ve ever asked me randomly “can I call you…” I’ve most likely called the police on you. Sorry.
#anxietythoughts
#anxietythoughts
You ever just reflect on the all of times your partner finds you covered in blood?
August 21, 2025 at 7:18 PM
You ever just reflect on the all of times your partner finds you covered in blood?
The other day while on vacation I was sitting on a bench talking with an unhoused gentleman who told me that he was a trillion years old.
I can’t help but to think that I may have met God in Las Vegas.
I can’t help but to think that I may have met God in Las Vegas.
August 17, 2025 at 2:26 PM
The other day while on vacation I was sitting on a bench talking with an unhoused gentleman who told me that he was a trillion years old.
I can’t help but to think that I may have met God in Las Vegas.
I can’t help but to think that I may have met God in Las Vegas.
I’m like the participation trophy of stand up comedy… I’m not the best but dammit am I just happy I was included.
August 14, 2025 at 3:25 PM
I’m like the participation trophy of stand up comedy… I’m not the best but dammit am I just happy I was included.
“Are you nervous?”
“… I ate 200mg of edibles before this… I’ll be alright…”
“… I ate 200mg of edibles before this… I’ll be alright…”
August 8, 2025 at 2:42 PM
“Are you nervous?”
“… I ate 200mg of edibles before this… I’ll be alright…”
“… I ate 200mg of edibles before this… I’ll be alright…”
I recently auditioned for the play 1984 and I gotta say…
…Not the Big Brother audition I thought it was.
#expecttheunexpected I guess
…Not the Big Brother audition I thought it was.
#expecttheunexpected I guess
July 26, 2025 at 1:50 PM
I recently auditioned for the play 1984 and I gotta say…
…Not the Big Brother audition I thought it was.
#expecttheunexpected I guess
…Not the Big Brother audition I thought it was.
#expecttheunexpected I guess
The more I watch BMF the more I want a gold chain.
July 22, 2025 at 8:07 PM
The more I watch BMF the more I want a gold chain.
One of my most frequently asked questions is “Kyle, how do you have the time?”
And to that my friends, I say… ADHD. Like hardcore amounts of unfiltered ADHD with an interest in literally anything.
And to that my friends, I say… ADHD. Like hardcore amounts of unfiltered ADHD with an interest in literally anything.
July 18, 2025 at 12:32 AM
One of my most frequently asked questions is “Kyle, how do you have the time?”
And to that my friends, I say… ADHD. Like hardcore amounts of unfiltered ADHD with an interest in literally anything.
And to that my friends, I say… ADHD. Like hardcore amounts of unfiltered ADHD with an interest in literally anything.
Wing stops atomic wings have kind of a mid heat for such a bold name
July 12, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Wing stops atomic wings have kind of a mid heat for such a bold name
Nothing irks me more than when I wear my house shoes out to the store…
excluding the shady gas station
excluding the shady gas station
June 25, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Nothing irks me more than when I wear my house shoes out to the store…
excluding the shady gas station
excluding the shady gas station
Sometimes you just have a long day and need a reminder to watch Old Greg… remember the boat times
June 12, 2025 at 10:52 PM
Sometimes you just have a long day and need a reminder to watch Old Greg… remember the boat times
Therapist: What makes you think you have OCD?
Me: Because I considered rescheduling the session when someone sat in my chair in the waiting room.
Me: Because I considered rescheduling the session when someone sat in my chair in the waiting room.
June 11, 2025 at 12:06 PM
Therapist: What makes you think you have OCD?
Me: Because I considered rescheduling the session when someone sat in my chair in the waiting room.
Me: Because I considered rescheduling the session when someone sat in my chair in the waiting room.