Choked on my coffee. Betrayed by what I love!!

So tired of explaining to dogs that to get under the blanket they must first get OFF the blanket.

Apparently there is a medical emergency at Denny's.

Yeah, that tracks.

Pushed too hard with the Q-Tip. Think I hit my brain. Probably lost a few childhood memories.

Fact: Happy employees are productive employees.
Also fact: Drunk people are happy people.
Therefore it stands to reason that drunk employees would be productive employees. I feel like my work needs to get on board with this.

To the guy in the Audi with the loud and aggressive exhaust: Sir, that is a station wagon.