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leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe
@leonscafe.bsky.social
100 followers 63 following 1.5K posts
Mental Health Counselor and writer, using ideas as medicine.
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leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 1h
Perfectionism is immaturity. So, with respect to love, perfectionistsmay become obsessed with controlling it or avoid it altogether. In its purest and most useful form, love tends to be a mirror into one’s psyche, which may cause the overthinker to spiral. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
The Perfectionist's Quest for Immature Love
Socially prescribed perfectionists often equate love with being perfect, failing to acknowledge how their obsession with perfection is chasing the immature form of it.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 2h
What about when parents only delight in their children when they perform, entertain, and bring honor to the rest? What happens when delight is conditional and earned? Many of the patients I’ve seen over the years are socially prescribed perfectionists. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Am I Loved Only Because I Perform?
When love is believed to be conditional, based on some form of performance, we may contribute to our mental health struggles in the constant pursuit of that conditional love.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 4h
We can’t escape our feelings; we can only stall them, and even those attempts tend to be pathetic. The excessive need for control, then, is little more than denial, another way to get through the day, to survive. It’s the foundation of a barren life. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Poor Defense for Emotional Vulnerability
Perfectionism, at bottom, is a defense against one's sense of emotional vulnerability, which, counterintuitively, often aids in one's development, relationships, and health.
www.psychologytoday.com
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leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 6h
The excessive need for control is little more than denial, another way to get through the day, to survive. It’s the foundation of a barren life, which, ultimately, may lead to the worst of all of the so-called negative emotions, profound regret. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Poor Defense for Emotional Vulnerability
Perfectionism, at bottom, is a defense against one's sense of emotional vulnerability, which, counterintuitively, often aids in one's development, relationships, and health.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 8h
The perfectionist employs various methods of evasion and dominance, believing they can outwit and conquer each of their weaknesses, creating an ideal world for themselves. Thus, they engage in self-sabotage while believing they’re doing what’s best for them. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Poor Defense for Emotional Vulnerability
Perfectionism, at bottom, is a defense against one's sense of emotional vulnerability, which, counterintuitively, often aids in one's development, relationships, and health.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 19h
Article: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 20h
Your unacknowledged grief may be contributing to your inability to experience pleasure. Your unwillingness to address your fears may contribute to your insomnia. And your inability to sit with others’ difficult emotions may contribute to your loneliness. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Poor Defense for Emotional Vulnerability
Perfectionism, at bottom, is a defense against one's sense of emotional vulnerability, which, counterintuitively, often aids in one's development, relationships, and health.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 22h
The perfectionist’s way of being is rooted in their environment, which is populated by emotionally disconnected others, fearing the same things. With a preoccupation toward self, the only question seemingly worth answering is “What does this mean for me?” www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Poor Defense for Emotional Vulnerability
Perfectionism, at bottom, is a defense against one's sense of emotional vulnerability, which, counterintuitively, often aids in one's development, relationships, and health.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 23h
At the heart of the perfectionist’s personality-defining need to control is the fearof emotional vulnerability. The perfectionist employs various methods of evasion and dominance, believing they can conquer their weaknesses, creating an ideal world. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Poor Defense for Emotional Vulnerability
Perfectionism, at bottom, is a defense against one's sense of emotional vulnerability, which, counterintuitively, often aids in one's development, relationships, and health.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 1d
Perfectionists tend to deny, emphasizing their ability to manage the debris of negative emotions. They minimize, disallowing the influence of surrounding tragedies. And they project, seeing their own weakness only in others, and often scolding them for it. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Poor Defense for Emotional Vulnerability
Perfectionism, at bottom, is a defense against one's sense of emotional vulnerability, which, counterintuitively, often aids in one's development, relationships, and health.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 1d
"You need to feel it to heal it" is a platitude associated with so much of mental health care, but, as corny as it is, it’s generally true. Perfectionists believe they can utilize activity to keep their feelings at bay, yet they find expression anyway. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Poor Defense for Emotional Vulnerability
Perfectionism, at bottom, is a defense against one's sense of emotional vulnerability, which, counterintuitively, often aids in one's development, relationships, and health.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 1d
Sometimes, when we stop planning and trying, our lives somehow become even better. Sometimes, we don’t know what’s best for us, especially when what we’ve been doing just aided our survival. But the perfectionist’s biggest struggle tends to be their hubris. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Poor Defense for Emotional Vulnerability
Perfectionism, at bottom, is a defense against one's sense of emotional vulnerability, which, counterintuitively, often aids in one's development, relationships, and health.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 1d
Therapy asks the perfectionist to acknowledge their hypocrisies (and their denial and projections of them); it asks them to sit with the shame of their painfully acknowledged flaws; and it asks them to challenge their rigidly hierarchical worldview. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
The Perfectionist's Quest for Immature Love
Socially prescribed perfectionists often equate love with being perfect, failing to acknowledge how their obsession with perfection is chasing the immature form of it.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 2d
Article: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
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leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 2d
Maybe it’s this simple: I delighted in my therapist as she delighted in me. Maybe the infant delights in the mother because the mother delights in the infant, and the mother delights in the infant because the infant delights in her. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Am I Loved Only Because I Perform?
When love is believed to be conditional, based on some form of performance, we may contribute to our mental health struggles in the constant pursuit of that conditional love.
www.psychologytoday.com
1
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 2d
When I was an adolescent, I frequently complained that I didn’t have any friends. As you can imagine, most adults felt sorry for me. I sincerely believed that I tried so hard to fit in, and still no one liked me. Yet, I discounted those who appreciated me. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
The Intensity of Rejection Sensitivity in Perfectionism
Perfectionists tend to idealize what they don't have and devalue what they do, complicating the meaning and consequences of rejection, which they fear most.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 2d
In my own treatment, I wondered, “Does my therapist like me or is she just doing her job?” “What would happen if I didn’t try hard to make therapy work or make her feel good about her work?” I frequently asked myself these questions in my relationships. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Am I Loved Only Because I Perform?
When love is believed to be conditional, based on some form of performance, we may contribute to our mental health struggles in the constant pursuit of that conditional love.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 2d
Character is a mix of shame with humility, realizing that nothing you’ve done is so shameful that you can’t carry its weight. There’s something tragic, beautiful, and disarming about being in the presence of someone who vulnerably stands before their shame. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
The Perfectionist's Quest for Immature Love
Socially prescribed perfectionists often equate love with being perfect, failing to acknowledge how their obsession with perfection is chasing the immature form of it.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 2d
Deflected blame takes the shame stemming from one’s own poor response, a perceived “overreaction,” and places it in the hands of the perceived perpetrator. “I can’t overreact if I’m the victim” is the basic belief linked with this version of defensiveness. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism as the Basis for Chronic Defensiveness
Chronic defensiveness is fundamentally the redirection of intolerable shame back onto one's accuser, a tendency that often causes significant problems for perfectionists.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 2d
Rather than just being happy about being in the presence of their happy child, some parents, who can be defined as other-oriented perfectionists, demand that others live up to their extremely high standards in order to satisfy them. Here, love is distorted. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Am I Loved Only Because I Perform?
When love is believed to be conditional, based on some form of performance, we may contribute to our mental health struggles in the constant pursuit of that conditional love.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 3d
In therapy, I discontinued trying so hard to please and, surprisingly, nothing changed. I sensed my therapist was grateful for my feedback but didn’t require it. The challenge became sitting with the feeling I had little to give and that it could be enough. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Am I Loved Only Because I Perform?
When love is believed to be conditional, based on some form of performance, we may contribute to our mental health struggles in the constant pursuit of that conditional love.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 3d
Article: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 3d
Article: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 3d
Speaking with perfectionists about unconditional love almost always felt like a discussion about the supernatural, something we may verbally subscribe to in order to sustain a smooth operation but don’t believe deep down, or so many have said. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Am I Loved Only Because I Perform?
When love is believed to be conditional, based on some form of performance, we may contribute to our mental health struggles in the constant pursuit of that conditional love.
www.psychologytoday.com
leonscafe.bsky.social
Leon’s Existential Cafe @leonscafe.bsky.social · 3d
On ep 244, we welcome Troyen Brennan to discuss the pitfalls of the US healthcare system, the fee-for-service model’s health implications, primary care as a better alternative, and why medical professionals dislike the business side of medicine.

Full ep: youtu.be/e8u0LigD5bs
Troyen A. Brennan - America’s Healthcare Is Broken — Can Primary Care Save It? | STM Podcast #244
YouTube video by Seize the Moment Podcast
youtu.be
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