Ref @ Le Brat Lestat Summer 🔞
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lestatdelyingcunt.bsky.social
Ref @ Le Brat Lestat Summer 🔞
@lestatdelyingcunt.bsky.social
Am I my history I have endured? Am I the job I do not want? I do not know anymore.

Ref || 29 || ⚠️ minors dni/dnf ⚠️
Current main fandoms: #iwtv #sonicthehedgehog
Been able to find this jacket since, especially online. I’m not looking to part ways with it as it has sentimental value regardless, I’d just love to know where it’s from! Thank you!
#patd #panic!atthedisco
August 31, 2025 at 6:20 PM
The only reason I appear high functioning or borderline is because of the amount of internal processing I do every waking second to appear normal. This was bullied into me from a VERY young age. It’s a slap in a face to imply that I don’t struggle just because I don’t outwardly show it.
August 11, 2025 at 12:43 PM
Of being functional. Not MY functional, but the functional that is expected of me from society. After all that’s happened in the past year, I’m trying my hardest to find myself and be kind to them. I’m so so glad that this cog is turning, but there’s still so much to unpick and work on.
August 11, 2025 at 12:39 PM
My SI is the worst it has been in years, and the last time I had a complete meltdown was when I was transitioning between secondary school and a-levels. Through therapy I’m beginning to realise these patterns in life aren’t just random events. I have clear signs and I ignore them for the sake
August 11, 2025 at 12:39 PM
Changing my work and reducing the amount of days I can work. I do not recover over weekends, and find that I am just as tired as I was on Friday on Monday, even if I simply just exist on a Saturday and Sunday, doing nothing else.
August 11, 2025 at 12:39 PM
The truth is, I am barely coping. I have a whole pot of other mental diagnoses now to mix in with this “high functioning autism”. I had a complete meltdown in March which caused me to be off work for a month. I struggle to get through most weeks to the point that I am having to consider…
August 11, 2025 at 12:39 PM
I don't think there's truly the words in my vocab to explain how I feel, but it's akin to this ache that I can't relieve. I want to share my thoughts and feelings with people who feel equally as I do, but I am scared. Getting to know new people is a lot, and I just don't have the capacity right now.
July 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
There's also an element of this stupid weird imposter syndrome when I meet people who are into what I'm into. I had it a lot during my FFXIV days, my Sonic days, and I have it again now in my current obsession. "What if this is all fake? I haven't done XYZ, therefore I can't be a real fan, right?"
July 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
I struggle to make new friends through media, because the moment I fall out of it, I feel embarrassment and shame and often an inability to reconnect. I've done it with KH, Bandom, Sonic, FFXIV and so many more. I tell myself it's not worth it. I'm tired. It's so exhausting.
July 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
I wish I could enjoy media normally. I wish I could be like "Oh this is neat", and not fall into this pit of being unable to do anything but live and breathe what I love. I isolate too much when I get like this, bc I don't want to think or hear or talk about anything else. Yet,
July 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
And I know that there's going to be a point where this ends. I move onto the next thing. I can't anchor, I can't stand still. I mourn the loss of love for the things I cared so deeply about whilst falling into the grasp of another franchise. I joke about the way I am, but in honesty it makes me sad.
July 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
one small off-handed comment about being uninterested that shuts me down completely. I don't know how to outlet, I'm trying my best not to infodump on people. It's always been a vicious cycle growing up and feeling like this with particular IPs, but for some reason I feel ill prepared for this one.
July 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
I'm finding myself just crying because I don't know what to do. I feel so deeply for this show, for the characters (Dare I say the K word here), and I am struggling because I feel that I can't share this. There's no one immediately in my circle that feels this way like I do, and all it takes is for
July 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
has been, I'm definitely using my interests as a sort of coping mechanism. I feel this very deeply with Interview, and I am really struggling to contain myself. I'm not good with managing or handling my emotions, and I sit here and feel them so intensely through this fixation. As cringe as it sounds
July 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
wasn't comfortable posting this on main. still trying to get their likeness down to the point i feel they are recognisable
June 22, 2025 at 12:20 AM