lily☆marie
lilystar.neocities.org
lily☆marie
@lilystar.neocities.org
👗 she/her 🌹 roses
🇦🇺🇵🇭🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️
like, you are overlaying self worth into a situation you have no control over
January 8, 2026 at 10:02 AM
girl you are way overthinking this
be kind to yourself
January 8, 2026 at 9:45 AM
are we going to continue let the expectations of a capitalist society dictate our worth and further cloud our perception of how we think others value us, or do we start to trust that there will be people who will give us the time of day no matter what- like those who have done so in the past?
December 26, 2025 at 7:50 PM
kinda hard to show up when we view ourselves so low and start blaming ourselves for the things that are holding us back
December 26, 2025 at 7:48 PM
and secondly: we are absolutely trash at asking for help
December 26, 2025 at 7:47 PM
it's simple really: we&'re depressed
December 26, 2025 at 7:45 PM
like, i think ruby saw some wild take equating 3D printing to AI and thought the entire internet thought that and just never wanted to talk about it.. like not literally equating it, but dismissing it as tech bro stuff. which i think she realizes is ridiculous now
December 25, 2025 at 7:21 PM
not pointing the finger at anyone's special interests. feeling like we couldn't talk about them otoh, that's def a recurring thing
December 25, 2025 at 7:17 PM
anyway i am kinda tired of this inaction, and i might just start doing at this point
December 25, 2025 at 6:49 PM
we don't have peopel to even rant to so i'm out here just shouting into the blue void lmao
December 25, 2025 at 6:46 PM
and like.. even this we could help alleviate by just voice chatting to more people

but so far the only calls we get on are for work related things. all work. never catching up with people as friends
December 25, 2025 at 6:46 PM
verbal vocabulary suffers, we get tongue tied, it hurts to talk. frustration occurs in the moment because we can't communicate properly making things worse. and its just going to get worse and worse the longer we leave this.
December 25, 2025 at 6:46 PM
i think in this mental state we underestimate our ability to be social and ok ppl to talk with. and it gets strengthened the longer we stay in it. as other rosemates have pointed out, its becomes harder to physically talk and use our mouth after months of not doing do regularly,
December 25, 2025 at 6:46 PM
but sure. let's just keep lying to ourselves that everything is okay and that we can solve this on our own
December 25, 2025 at 6:36 PM
we're just scared to see ppl bc we are so directionless and lost right now, forgetting that seeing ppl is a very important way of helping with that
December 25, 2025 at 6:36 PM
and we'll continue to be stuck in this exaggerated spiral if we keep isolating ourselves from the real world. stuck in this spiral of thought. when one meeting, one conversation, could give us the wisdom we need to so desperately here
December 25, 2025 at 6:36 PM
we're still doing music work, we're still doing programming work. as freelancers. work is just slow. we owe like, none of the detailed information, like the fact that we aren't making enough to survive in the long run and we're bleeding money and living with parents, to anyone
December 25, 2025 at 6:36 PM
oh, but we have nothing to show as people, our career is down the drain and we look pathetic..

all excuses
December 25, 2025 at 6:30 PM
and the reason why we have no [new] friends in australia bc realistically how many ppl do we personally know actually know we are back?

one IG story post would immediately ignite interest. i feel
December 25, 2025 at 6:30 PM
i think some kind of course that is going to incorporate history into it is important. that said, i feel like i'm gonna have to do a lot of self study to achieve a full breadth of that.

i am probably just gonna go live at the library
December 20, 2025 at 9:09 AM
i was looking at college courses that i could do for free, but they are all, as u might expect, geared towards fashion as a career.

very much a hobbyist, but it may intersect with selphie's digital fashion interests. i would be down to learn something like clo3d but its expensive
December 20, 2025 at 9:09 AM