world is a fuck

It's fucking weird to say but I feel like I can't enjoy things as easily as other people do, it's like I have to relearn that I can just like, like things, instead of having to justify liking it, and it just makes me sad whenever I try to do something and just end up feeling nothing from it

It might be fucked up for me to say but I really hate being around people who are under the influence because it makes me feel responsible for them in that moment so I have to worry about what I’m doing and what they’re doing

It’s come to the point where I’m just going to start avoiding hanging out

I see a lot of my friends complaining about fat fetishists and I just

Feel nasty about myself when that happens because I have that kink BECAUSE I’m fat and tried tricking myself into enjoying how I’m shaped

So it just makes me feel awful when I see that happen

I don’t know if I’ll be able to publish fanfic because I’m too afraid of it being bad or people thinking it’s stupid

Speaking of things I wish I could do but my anxiety stops me from doing it

Roleplaying in XIV

I wish I could just go to a venue and roleplay with people more, but I feel like I’m not good enough of a writer or too weird or will say something that’ll make people think I’m stupid and awful

i wish i could get over my specific anxieties over interacting with people because i would be a more openly horny person on the internet if i could just, get braver.

i'm a scared little beast that can't do shit because of fear

why can't i be into normal things why did it have to be some very specific esoteric fetishes, why couldn't i have just not been ace, why did i have to get the "i have to imagine a specific storyline with a magic system and rules for combat to jerk off" debuff

im wondering about all this potential that people see in me when it comes to stuff about life or even silly things like raiding, why do people think i have the capability to when i feel like im just useless? sure i fixed my technical issues on my computer but that doesn't mean i'll be able to prog

It's. really really hard not to feel like an attention seeker when I'm trying to find interaction or people to discuss kink stuff with. I feel like shit whenever I ask someone if they're available for things and can't reciprocate whenever they want something in return

I made this account so I can have somewhere to hide and flail around and yap about things that I don't feel comfortable talking about on main yet