Ever since King Elessar legalized it this entire city has absolutely *reeked* of Shire pipeweed! Ugggh! You can’t get away from it. It’s everywhere! If you don’t think this is a problem, your love of the halflings’ leaf has clearly slowed your minds!

But have we considered the possibility that he was simply paying homage to the Argonath, who, in the likeness of Isildur and Anárion, stood above either side of the River Anduin at the northern entrance to Nen Hithoel in order to mark the northern border of Gondor?

Thieves! The thieves! The filthy little thieves! Stole it from us, they did! Right off our doorstep, precious! Nasty, filthy, wretched package thieves! Curse them! We hates them! Hates them forever! Smash them and bash them!

Ugh I wish all these out of town Orcs & Trolls coming into Mordor this week for the return of the Dark Lord understood: on our giant, ominous stairways hewn into the very living black volcanic stone it’s MARCH ON THE LEFT SIDE, STAND ON THE RIGHT! If you don’t want to march then GET OUT OF MY WAY.

Why aren’t these awful ultra-bright beacons outlawed yet?!

Every time I turn a corner on my horsecart & the beacons are lit it’s instantaneously blinding & I damn near go off the road!

I encourage everyone to write to the Steward of Gondor and demand a return to decent proper beacon brightness!

Will basic features still work if I cancel my Palantír subscription?

Ever since it started showing me fell omens & whispering creepily I can’t justify Palantír+ anymore.

Lately it’s like 5 horrifying visions of marauding orcs & impossibly tall waves for every 1 glimpse of someone I actually know.

It’s NOT Nazgûl!!!

Everyone always asking “Did I hear Nazgûl last night at 2 AM?” or whatever, no you didn’t. If it was Nazgûl, you’d know. It’s a very distinctive sound. It’s NEVER Nazgûl. I don’t know why people are so invested in telling themselves they live in “bad neighborhoods”.

Veggie thieves OUT OF CONTROL

At my limit with youths stealing my crops! What is the East Farthing coming to? Does anyone recognize these hobbits? To the youths: come back to my farm and apologize or I will press charges for mushroom thieving, trespassing, and possibly harassment!

The Dwarves we hired to remodel the basement kinda overshot the mark & now we have a Balrog infestation. I know they can really damage the foundations & pose a significant fire risk. Is this something we can manage on our own or do we need to contact a Wizard?

I CAN’T EVEN with these giant eagles!

They just show up out of nowhere ALL THE TIME! They’re *ruining* our roof & they keep trying to carry my kids off to portentous locations. It’s like settle the hell down there, Gwaihir. They’re walking to school, they’re not on a damn quest!

Neighbor will NOT STOP singing

It’s just “Hey, come derry-dol” this and “Old <name redacted for privacy> is a merry fellow” that all day and all night! If I have to hear another song about what colour his clothes are I’m going to LOSE MY MIND. The girl that lives with him is NO HELP at all! Ugh!