"How sweet it is to be off work by noon"

A Philly accent is just a Canadian - Boston accent

We are all stinky dogs in God's stinky car.

Googling "Pizza" to make sure I don't misinform my 6 year old nephew when I tell him Pizza started in Italy.
Did however tell him that when I was his age my Dad had to buy me a new face at the New-Face-Store.

"I was talking about you on the radio but I think I got your name wrong. Is there one 'H' is 'Shithead' or two?
- John Delorean to Jay Alix, allegedly

I never resonated with the 'eating shredded cheese out of the fridge at 3am' trope very deeply until I started buying shredded mozzarella.
Cheddar? Eh
Mozzarella? *cums*

Honda and Hyundai motors that have been running low on oil smell like cinnamon when checking the dipstick

How tf does my package have a farmer's tan

You know who deserves a Nobel Prize? Chris Fix God Dammit

Asking every Dodge owner "That got a HEMI in it regardless of model >>>