Im still so surprised i genuinely did not have any memory of this

I always knew generally going through an incredibly shitty time to a really bad degree but...

Ive told myself that i went through nothing special that everyone goes through this.

Maybe from the outside i did
After all everyone i knew back then went through the same work

But digging things up im finding things that haunted me

And it hurts so much
What the hell actually happened...

It gave me an anxiety attack that im just keeping in silently because there is nothing i can explain about this to anyone

I dont want to worry anyone
I need to keep it together

Trying to heal hurts so much

I appreciate their concern and care for me but there is so much underneath that they just dont understand/acknowledge and i dont think itll sit well with them to know that their child is neither normal nor fine
The masking shall continue for now

Ah.