I think you are a good person, Nik loved you. You are not useless. I fucked up many a time. But fucking up accidentally isn't malicious and Nik wouldn't hate you. I don't either. You did basically what I did when I replied to your post, just with a different outcome. Nik wouldn't hate either of us.

Me and mum find it very comforting that Nik was so well loved.

Me and Mum each held a hand as he went, Nik wasn't alone.

Myst, this is Nik's oldest little sister - the one in the picture with him watching Sooty. Nik died in this same living room, he collapsed on Monday morning. The paramedics couldn't revive him but they said he didn't suffer. He'd been ill and was planning to go to the doctors that day.