Looking back, we never were really good for each other.

Before it was me and my issues.

After it was me and my desires to be heard and seen.

We brought out the worst aspects of each other.

I do really hope how she treated me was a uniquely "me" issue.

I want her to find the one she needs.

In the end.

I was told I haven't checked the boxes of a good partner for 8 years.

All my work on myself didnt mean anything to her.

I asked so many times to be recognized for how far I've come in fixing myself.

I wanted emotional support that I asked for directly at point blank.

I was a real shit partner for 5 years.
For the last 6, I've only dumped my heart and soul into making myself to the best version of myself I could.

I can now cry for others.
Be a rock for others.
Put myself aside for the others.
Feel deeply for others.
See what I've done wrong.

I feel crazy good about being homeless.
I'm crashing at work when its too cold outside.

I never knew how suffocated & in pain I was.

The hint should have been when I was at my happiest when she was on vacations.

Until I started getting in trouble for not responding to txts enough.

I feel like she gave the idea I was an irrational yelling man.

In the last 2 years:
I cried at so many arguments I was tapped into my office as I asked for space every time.
Insults were tossed in with belittling and hurtful remarks.

She still didnt believe me when I had panic attacks to the end.

I pushed for a crossroad in an attempt to have her arrive at the same conclusion as me.

I didn't want to leave her guessing as to why things ended. I had hoped that it would ease the separation and let her next relationship be stronger.

Thought it did give me some insite as to how she viewed me.

It hurt pretty bad that she was so offended instead of taking concern as to why I felt that way.

As I complained about how she's not hearing my feelings and about how she leaves thing disarray.

She seems to have portrayed me is a very very different light.

Ironically our last argument was about me not feeling safe with her enough to share my thoughts and feelings. Leaving me feeling along and unloved.

She got so mad and offended that I didnt feel safe with her. In the end she told me it was "on me" for feeling that way.

I kept a log for the last 6 months of arguments, things said, feelings, and self reflections in secret.

Her accusations and statements.

Talking with a therapist they advised I keep this as accurately as I could.

In the end, we saw how bad she got.

My walls degraded, sense of self was warped.

This is the 2nd time I was pushed to a point where I thought about suicide.

Not that I would nor could anymore.

Giving my history with it, it's just disconcerting that my head drifed that way.

My heart was dead. My Love spent.

Like a runner without shoes chasing a finish that kept moving.

Dude, that's not cool if it was purpose. 😕 I really hope it was just an accident. To cause that kind of hurt on purpose is not justifiable.

I'm sorry your stuck feeling that way pink. No one should ever feel that way, especially you.

Let's grab a coffee when you're feeling it.

Block that hate! ❌
Love your content btw! 😄👍

I agree!
I'm in St. Louis park for the Christmas train event tonight and its all outside.🥶💀