I’m a bitch not a bully.
November 12, 2025 at 3:22 AM
I’m a bitch not a bully.
Please iron your Halloween costumes.
October 30, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Please iron your Halloween costumes.
A simple compliment just erased an utterly shitty day.
September 27, 2025 at 1:59 AM
A simple compliment just erased an utterly shitty day.
So many special anniversaries in my friend’s lives are also the same dates as tragedies in mine.
July 3, 2025 at 3:33 PM
So many special anniversaries in my friend’s lives are also the same dates as tragedies in mine.
I’m the reason none of my friends have 5 star ratings on Uber/Lyft.
April 5, 2025 at 4:35 AM
I’m the reason none of my friends have 5 star ratings on Uber/Lyft.
The new Sniffies app is lit
March 6, 2025 at 4:26 AM
The new Sniffies app is lit
Them: you can host now?!
Me:
Me:
March 5, 2025 at 5:41 AM
Them: you can host now?!
Me:
Me:
Why are baby wipes always ice cold?
February 25, 2025 at 3:09 AM
Why are baby wipes always ice cold?
*Tragedy strikes
Bethenny Frankel: “I have the tea.”
Bethenny Frankel: “I have the tea.”
January 30, 2025 at 11:39 PM
*Tragedy strikes
Bethenny Frankel: “I have the tea.”
Bethenny Frankel: “I have the tea.”
I will never BeReal on the toilet.
January 25, 2025 at 7:41 PM
I will never BeReal on the toilet.
I may have just gotten food poisoning from Mexican candy.
January 20, 2025 at 10:36 PM
I may have just gotten food poisoning from Mexican candy.
“Mass shootings are out of control in this country.”
Arsonists: “Hold my beer.”
Arsonists: “Hold my beer.”
January 18, 2025 at 9:55 PM
“Mass shootings are out of control in this country.”
Arsonists: “Hold my beer.”
Arsonists: “Hold my beer.”
“Tik Tok refugees” 🙄
January 18, 2025 at 6:24 PM
“Tik Tok refugees” 🙄
I have a lot of questions for people who mukbang.
January 15, 2025 at 6:46 PM
I have a lot of questions for people who mukbang.
Is there a straight bar with no girls?
January 12, 2025 at 3:58 AM
Is there a straight bar with no girls?
If you’re not cute, don’t kill CEO’s.
December 21, 2024 at 5:58 AM
If you’re not cute, don’t kill CEO’s.
Now that I’m an official gym rat I’ve earned the right to complain about all the new years resolution members taking up precious space.
December 20, 2024 at 6:18 PM
Now that I’m an official gym rat I’ve earned the right to complain about all the new years resolution members taking up precious space.
If you fucked me when I was fat you’re grandfathered in as a regular fb for life.
December 12, 2024 at 2:32 AM
If you fucked me when I was fat you’re grandfathered in as a regular fb for life.
“Luigi Mangione LPSG”
December 9, 2024 at 8:01 PM
“Luigi Mangione LPSG”
I would very much like to not be hungover for thanksgiving this year.
November 27, 2024 at 5:28 AM
I would very much like to not be hungover for thanksgiving this year.
How many times do I have to bang a bartender before I start getting discounts on cocktails?!
November 26, 2024 at 4:55 AM
How many times do I have to bang a bartender before I start getting discounts on cocktails?!