Where's that redacting guy when you actually need him?
#YoureGoingToNeedABiggerPen

Dear Elon and Donald. There's no need to fight. Neither of you are pretty.

If you think being a Jew can be tough, try being a Jew AND a #Leafs fan.

Look, I don't know for sure how much fentanyl the penguins of Heard and McDonald Islands are responsible for smuggling into the U.S., but I'm pretty sure these new #tariffs are going to put an END TO IT.

North Korea: A country plagued terribly by a lack of food, infrastructure and apparently, people not named Kim.

Fun movie fact #137: Every person in a movie who has ever said this is gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel, winds up getting killed by said fish in a barrel.

A mere couple of weeks since joining Bluesky and already I'm proud to say I have the followers reach of speaking a bit too loudly while lining up to pay at The Bagel Broker.

Glad to report my wife had a very successful cataract surgery this morning.

In other news, today is the first time she ever added "for your age" after telling me I was looking good.

I did 23andMe and discovered that I was 44% plain wrong and 56% not nearly as funny as I think I am.