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Matt Cohen

@mattcohen.bsky.social

1K followers 490 following 1.2K posts

Eisner Award nominee for "The Ghastlygun Tinies." Writes for MAD Magazine, The American Bystander, and The New Yorker. Created the hit card game Too Many Monkeys. Working on books for YOU. He/Him

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Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · Mar 11

It's exhausting watching people tell themselves that their intolerance is actually a virtue.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1h

You're right -- that's WAY too many Teslas.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 4h

People keep saying that "history will remember" the truth about what's happening now, but it won't. The news is the first draft of history and it is being written and published by cowards.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 6h

I know that guy's cousin. He got me a great deal on some vowels.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 14h

Fast forward to one month from now when Bari Weiss is saying “There are some people in this room who think I should have to wear a yellow star. And that’s okay. Because we’re all Americans who believe in deregulating the oil industry.”

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1d

Wait until Will learns about boyfriends and husbands.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1d

Edit: "New glasses, who DIZ?"

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1d

...to repent for the damage they're doing now? Do their executives believe they'll be allowed to walk proudly amongst us without ever being held accountable just because they're wealthy? If so, they're probably right.

Like T.S. Eliot said, "This is the way the world ends..."
(5/X)

a black background with the words this is the way the world ends

ALT: a black background with the words this is the way the world ends

media.tenor.com

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1d

It's an important conversation to have because there are lots of companies (and even a few artists) who are supporting fascism and hate RIGHT NOW.

Knowing why we failed to hold Audi accountable back then could inspire us to hold Amazon accountable today.

What could CBS or Facebook ever do...
(4/X)

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1d

...we'd hear anecdotes of how certain banks or certain car manufacturers had supported Hitler during WWII. Should we boycott those companies today? No... but we should discuss what they did (or more likely what they SHOULD have done) to re-earn our trust and our business at the end of the war. (3/X)

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1d

Were we giving him a pass on his bigotry because enough time had passed? Was it because he was dead and could no longer profit from book sales? Had he reformed himself?

The Eliot lessons were a part of a pattern. We were often told to ignore the antisemitism/racism of the past. For example...
(2/X)

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1d

Before we studied "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" and "The Waste Land" in high school, the teacher told us that T. S. Eliot was antisemitic but that we were going to learn about his poems anyway.

We skipped oven an important lesson by not discussing WHY Eliot should be let off the hook. (1/X)

This is the actual copy of "The Waste Land And Other Poems" that I had in high school. The other poems include "The Love Song Of J. Alfred Prufrock," "Preludes," "Gerontion," "Sweeney Among the Nightingales," "Ash-Wednesday," "Journey of the Magi," "Marina," Landscapes," and "Two Choruses from 'The Rock.'"

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1d

Update: @noelrappin.com talked me into taking the Hades plunge. Wish me luck.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 2d

"If I send some of my friends into a mall to stand there nicely, nobody is going to call the cops... but if I send those same men into a bank to rob it suddenly the bank is going to press the silent alarm? What's wrong with the bank?"

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 2d

That napkin now has more actual value than The Free Press.

Reposted by Matt Cohen

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 11d

In response to someone mocking Emma Watson, J.K. Rowling says "I'm here for ALL the spoofs🤣." Okay J.K., here's a spoof I wrote for YOU and all of your small minded TERF friends. #ALLtheSpoofs

This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows:

"This kid poops in the boy's room.
This kid poops in the girl's room.
Everyone poops... including you"

"But some people say that you cannot poop
in this toilet
or that one
or even that one."

(The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...)

"They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts
Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.)
Can girls who wear pants poop?
Can boys with long hair poop?
How about women with strong cheekbones?"

"Who are the people who don't want you to poop?
Good question."

"Fantasy authors say you can't poop.
And politicians say you can't poop.
And trolls say you can't poop.
And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop."

(The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.)

"The people who say that nobody poops
without their permission all have poop instead of brains.
And when they talk, only poop comes out.
And they get their poop all over everything."

(Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.)

"If you can't poop, you can't eat.
And if you can't eat...
...you can't live."

The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.

This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows:

"This kid poops in the boy's room.
This kid poops in the girl's room.
Everyone poops... including you"

"But some people say that you cannot poop
in this toilet
or that one
or even that one."

(The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...)

"They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts
Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.)
Can girls who wear pants poop?
Can boys with long hair poop?
How about women with strong cheekbones?"

"Who are the people who don't want you to poop?
Good question."

"Fantasy authors say you can't poop.
And politicians say you can't poop.
And trolls say you can't poop.
And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop."

(The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.)

"The people who say that nobody poops
without their permission all have poop instead of brains.
And when they talk, only poop comes out.
And they get their poop all over everything."

(Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.)

"If you can't poop, you can't eat.
And if you can't eat...
...you can't live."

The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.

This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows:

"This kid poops in the boy's room.
This kid poops in the girl's room.
Everyone poops... including you"

"But some people say that you cannot poop
in this toilet
or that one
or even that one."

(The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...)

"They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts
Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.)
Can girls who wear pants poop?
Can boys with long hair poop?
How about women with strong cheekbones?"

"Who are the people who don't want you to poop?
Good question."

"Fantasy authors say you can't poop.
And politicians say you can't poop.
And trolls say you can't poop.
And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop."

(The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.)

"The people who say that nobody poops
without their permission all have poop instead of brains.
And when they talk, only poop comes out.
And they get their poop all over everything."

(Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.)

"If you can't poop, you can't eat.
And if you can't eat...
...you can't live."

The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.

This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows:

"This kid poops in the boy's room.
This kid poops in the girl's room.
Everyone poops... including you"

"But some people say that you cannot poop
in this toilet
or that one
or even that one."

(The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...)

"They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts
Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.)
Can girls who wear pants poop?
Can boys with long hair poop?
How about women with strong cheekbones?"

"Who are the people who don't want you to poop?
Good question."

"Fantasy authors say you can't poop.
And politicians say you can't poop.
And trolls say you can't poop.
And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop."

(The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.)

"The people who say that nobody poops
without their permission all have poop instead of brains.
And when they talk, only poop comes out.
And they get their poop all over everything."

(Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.)

"If you can't poop, you can't eat.
And if you can't eat...
...you can't live."

The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.

Reposted by Matt Cohen

Joey Alison Sayers @joeyalison.bsky.social · 7d

Once this is all over we're gonna need a new flag. Here are 3 of my suggestions.

Reposted by Matt Cohen

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · Aug 20

They say that porn helped drive early adapters to emerging technologies like the VCR and the internet. AI is different that that. Sure, there's AI porn out there... but AI is proving most appealing to people who get off on something else: Fascism.
(1/X)

a woman 's hand with pink nails is pressing a button on a cassette player .

ALT: a woman 's hand with pink nails is pressing a button on a cassette player .

media.tenor.com

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 2d

Isn't it lovely how artists can capture...

Oh wait, that's the wrong show.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 2d

As a writer for MAD, I did not expect to be working for a publication that would one day have more journalistic integrity than the Washington Post, but here we are anyway.

This is a single panel from a one-page parody of The Apprentice called "The Oligarch." The full version can be seen in MAD Magazine issue #43.

A silhouetted figure that appears to be Donald Trump asks Jeff Bezos to show what he did for this week's task of redesigning the American flag. Bezos holds up his modified version of the flag says "I replaced the stripes with duct tape from the roll I used to gag Washington Post journalists."

The article was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Hermann Mejia.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 3d

People are upset that Taylor Swift's song "Wood" uses playfully-silly sex puns because no other song in the history of popular music has done this before except for "Cherry Pie," "Squeeze Box," "Big Ten Inch Record," "Sledgehammer," "Paradise By The Dashboard Light," "Pearl Necklace,"...
(1/93,856)

Reposted by Matt Cohen

onion person @junlper.beer · 3d

look ai is completely destroying the world with massive pollution and is using up water at a concerning rate but at least you get to use technology that lies to you and is the primary propaganda mechanism by fascists

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 5d

Yeah… but *somebody* is going to have to clean that up later.

A sidewalk chalk message says “Be mindful of the work you leave for others.”

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 6d

They're equal parts evil and belligerent.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 6d

I can't hear "Deacon Blues" without thinking of the great Scottish band Deacon Blue.

youtu.be/3_h988Ju2KQ?...

Deacon Blue - Your Swaying Arms (Official Video)

YouTube video by DeaconBlueVEVO

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 6d

As I recall, he wasn't even saying it was undocumented immigrants -- he was committing a blood libel against a community of LEGAL immigrants.