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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Jun 12

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and how I once made the Statue of Liberty disappear, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap…”

Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Jun 8

Hell / Frost 2025
(After Robert)

Some say LA will end with fire
Some say with ICE

Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · May 18

I’d sooner vote for Biden’s prostate than Trump.
One has cancer; the other is a cancer.

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · May 16

So few opportunities out there for end-career writers.

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · May 5

May the fifth be wifth you.

Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Apr 25

Trump has a high removal rating.

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Apr 25

Trump 28 Days Later.

Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Apr 1

Our economy is thriving!  And so are the schools! America’s surviving! April Fucking Fools.

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Mar 11

IT'S ALL UP TO ESTHER

PURIM POEMS by Matt Schatz

mattschatz.substack.com

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Mar 11

Two Other Dads Chatting At San Rafael Park

When they  Say crypto Away  I tiptoe

Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Mar 8

My favorite show is on tonight. It’s about a group of people who have had their brains surgically divided between two spaces. It’s called “Love is Blind.”

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 27

Parenting on February 28

Economic blackout!
Boycott the big box stores! The big box stores are vipers!
Don’t you dare back out! Don’t deign to darken their doors! (Unless, of course, you need diapers).

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 27

Trip Advisory

Somehow, somewhy,
No one notices
How many die
At White Lotuses.

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 19

The Kennedy Center Cannot Hold

Think about the oath you took
When you raised your hand
Anyone who’s banned a book
Shouldn’t book a band

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 10

Went Birds.

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 10

Went birds.

Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 9

Multiple reality stars
Run this great country of ours.
The richest dickheads in the world
Have their fascist flags unfurled.
Heads in the sand, asses up high;
This land is their land, and that is why—
All our trusted vehicles of satire
Sit on the shoulder, stuck with flat tire.

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 9

Woohoo! (Though there may be one more copy)

Tracy Held @tracywriter.bsky.social · Feb 9

Purchased the last copy of #ShoesLastLongerInLA by @mattschatz.bsky.social at Vroman's last night--ask them to get more!

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 8

Diss Track or:
A Short Message to Kanye West
(Who I Used to Love)

There was no TEC-9 on your dresser;
Your mom was an English Professor!
You’ve let so many down, and so often;
Your mom rolls and rolls in her coffin.

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 7

Things fall apart; the Kennedy Center cannot hold…

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Feb 1

Home

It’s really OK to leave it behind;
Let the elders doubt you.
The new one that you’ve yet to find
Won’t be the same without you.

Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Jan 24

It’s Fraternal Order of Police? I always thought they were identical.

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Dec 12

“Yes, Sir, we do allow you to sing songs from Wicked at this particular theater, but this is a showing of The Brutalist.”

Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Dec 9

My College Job at the Pharmacy, 1999

I would steal packs
Of Marlboro lights
From off of the racks
When I would work nights

I didn’t smoke
But prices were hiked
My friends were all broke
I longed to be liked

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Matt Schatz @mattschatz.bsky.social · Dec 5

Now is the winter of our discontent creators.

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