Matt Stache
@mattstache.bsky.social
Mustachioed gentleman ne'erdowell. Hobbyist fencer and sword enthusiast. Perpetual wearer of kilts. The bard.
I used every leftover latent particle of Presbyterianism left in my heart to help a guy sing a punk karaoke version of "O Come All Ye Faithful."
It felt sacrilegious at some point, which is a feeling I've rarely if every felt.
It felt sacrilegious at some point, which is a feeling I've rarely if every felt.
December 25, 2025 at 2:47 AM
I used every leftover latent particle of Presbyterianism left in my heart to help a guy sing a punk karaoke version of "O Come All Ye Faithful."
It felt sacrilegious at some point, which is a feeling I've rarely if every felt.
It felt sacrilegious at some point, which is a feeling I've rarely if every felt.
A Whataburger just opened near my place.
Proximity to honey butter chicken biscuits will surely increase my property value.
Proximity to honey butter chicken biscuits will surely increase my property value.
December 24, 2025 at 3:08 PM
A Whataburger just opened near my place.
Proximity to honey butter chicken biscuits will surely increase my property value.
Proximity to honey butter chicken biscuits will surely increase my property value.
I would like to apologize for talking shit about Jake Paul.
It's wrong to speak badly about someone who isn't capable of defending themselves.
ZING!!! EY-OH!!!
It's wrong to speak badly about someone who isn't capable of defending themselves.
ZING!!! EY-OH!!!
December 23, 2025 at 4:53 PM
I would like to apologize for talking shit about Jake Paul.
It's wrong to speak badly about someone who isn't capable of defending themselves.
ZING!!! EY-OH!!!
It's wrong to speak badly about someone who isn't capable of defending themselves.
ZING!!! EY-OH!!!
Jake Paul is a boxer in the same way that I'm a fencer.
The only difference is that he doesn't realize that he's a boxer in the same way that I'm a fencer.
Also, I'd be willing to duel Jake Paul with sharps because he'd never accept that challenge.
We are both ONLY entertainers.
The only difference is that he doesn't realize that he's a boxer in the same way that I'm a fencer.
Also, I'd be willing to duel Jake Paul with sharps because he'd never accept that challenge.
We are both ONLY entertainers.
December 22, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Jake Paul is a boxer in the same way that I'm a fencer.
The only difference is that he doesn't realize that he's a boxer in the same way that I'm a fencer.
Also, I'd be willing to duel Jake Paul with sharps because he'd never accept that challenge.
We are both ONLY entertainers.
The only difference is that he doesn't realize that he's a boxer in the same way that I'm a fencer.
Also, I'd be willing to duel Jake Paul with sharps because he'd never accept that challenge.
We are both ONLY entertainers.
Me: "Pants were invented for riding horses, and I don't plan on riding any horses today."
Also me: "Dammit. I can't ride the mechanical bull tonight. I'm wearing a kilt."
Also me: "Dammit. I can't ride the mechanical bull tonight. I'm wearing a kilt."
December 21, 2025 at 12:52 AM
Me: "Pants were invented for riding horses, and I don't plan on riding any horses today."
Also me: "Dammit. I can't ride the mechanical bull tonight. I'm wearing a kilt."
Also me: "Dammit. I can't ride the mechanical bull tonight. I'm wearing a kilt."
In my 30s, I bought a PT Cruiser.
It was my mid-life Chrysler.
It was my mid-life Chrysler.
December 20, 2025 at 12:04 AM
In my 30s, I bought a PT Cruiser.
It was my mid-life Chrysler.
It was my mid-life Chrysler.
Kilt-wearing tip. If someone says "nice skirt," don't reply "It's not a skirt, it's a kilt." Instead:
"Thanks. I like the way your pants fit."
"Thanks! Oh, wait, you've got something in your nose. Hang on, let me help." [Pulls out hankerchief]
"Thanks! I like the cut of your jib!"
Make it weird.
"Thanks. I like the way your pants fit."
"Thanks! Oh, wait, you've got something in your nose. Hang on, let me help." [Pulls out hankerchief]
"Thanks! I like the cut of your jib!"
Make it weird.
December 19, 2025 at 11:09 PM
Kilt-wearing tip. If someone says "nice skirt," don't reply "It's not a skirt, it's a kilt." Instead:
"Thanks. I like the way your pants fit."
"Thanks! Oh, wait, you've got something in your nose. Hang on, let me help." [Pulls out hankerchief]
"Thanks! I like the cut of your jib!"
Make it weird.
"Thanks. I like the way your pants fit."
"Thanks! Oh, wait, you've got something in your nose. Hang on, let me help." [Pulls out hankerchief]
"Thanks! I like the cut of your jib!"
Make it weird.
I have taught my cat Eugene the word "gentle," as a multi-context concept.
He sometimes nips my fingers if I'm having him stand up for a treat. If i say "gentle," he takes the treat very carefully.
If we're playing on the floor, "gentle" makes him settle if he's getting too rough.
He sometimes nips my fingers if I'm having him stand up for a treat. If i say "gentle," he takes the treat very carefully.
If we're playing on the floor, "gentle" makes him settle if he's getting too rough.
December 19, 2025 at 7:54 PM
I have taught my cat Eugene the word "gentle," as a multi-context concept.
He sometimes nips my fingers if I'm having him stand up for a treat. If i say "gentle," he takes the treat very carefully.
If we're playing on the floor, "gentle" makes him settle if he's getting too rough.
He sometimes nips my fingers if I'm having him stand up for a treat. If i say "gentle," he takes the treat very carefully.
If we're playing on the floor, "gentle" makes him settle if he's getting too rough.
Someone commented about this cropped hoodie in one of my recent videos and I haven't stopped thinking about that all week.
Thirsty Thursday Post Workout Update.
Thirsty Thursday Post Workout Update.
December 18, 2025 at 8:46 PM
Someone commented about this cropped hoodie in one of my recent videos and I haven't stopped thinking about that all week.
Thirsty Thursday Post Workout Update.
Thirsty Thursday Post Workout Update.
Does anyone, anyone at all, also remember the lyrics to Sleigh Ride including:
"There's a Christmas party at the home of Farmer BROWN,
Something something everyone in town"
I found no record online but I swear those were the lyrics I heard in my childhood.
I don't believe in the Mandela effect.
"There's a Christmas party at the home of Farmer BROWN,
Something something everyone in town"
I found no record online but I swear those were the lyrics I heard in my childhood.
I don't believe in the Mandela effect.
December 18, 2025 at 8:43 PM
Does anyone, anyone at all, also remember the lyrics to Sleigh Ride including:
"There's a Christmas party at the home of Farmer BROWN,
Something something everyone in town"
I found no record online but I swear those were the lyrics I heard in my childhood.
I don't believe in the Mandela effect.
"There's a Christmas party at the home of Farmer BROWN,
Something something everyone in town"
I found no record online but I swear those were the lyrics I heard in my childhood.
I don't believe in the Mandela effect.
Overheard at a bar:
"They dropped me off at the Howard Johnson's. I was so drunk, I had to throw up in the ice machine. That was the 1980s"
"They dropped me off at the Howard Johnson's. I was so drunk, I had to throw up in the ice machine. That was the 1980s"
December 14, 2025 at 1:36 AM
Overheard at a bar:
"They dropped me off at the Howard Johnson's. I was so drunk, I had to throw up in the ice machine. That was the 1980s"
"They dropped me off at the Howard Johnson's. I was so drunk, I had to throw up in the ice machine. That was the 1980s"
A day late for Thirst Trap Thursday. The workouts are working out.
December 12, 2025 at 7:46 PM
A day late for Thirst Trap Thursday. The workouts are working out.
When you're trying to text your buddy the whiskey you've been drinking but something looks a little sus.
December 11, 2025 at 10:38 PM
When you're trying to text your buddy the whiskey you've been drinking but something looks a little sus.
Out of Context Quote of the Day:
"Whiskey from Michigan? That's like that city slicker that gets his salsa from New York City!"
"Whiskey from Michigan? That's like that city slicker that gets his salsa from New York City!"
December 11, 2025 at 10:29 PM
Out of Context Quote of the Day:
"Whiskey from Michigan? That's like that city slicker that gets his salsa from New York City!"
"Whiskey from Michigan? That's like that city slicker that gets his salsa from New York City!"
Out of Context Stache Quote Of The Day:
"Every time I've slapped a guy, it's been unscripted."
"Every time I've slapped a guy, it's been unscripted."
December 10, 2025 at 12:05 PM
Out of Context Stache Quote Of The Day:
"Every time I've slapped a guy, it's been unscripted."
"Every time I've slapped a guy, it's been unscripted."
Forgot that I was going to do more thirst traps here. How about a postwork Thirst Trap Thursday?
December 4, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Forgot that I was going to do more thirst traps here. How about a postwork Thirst Trap Thursday?
Through sheer incompetence, I put a hole in my bathroom drywall while attempting to re-hang a towel ring.
Am I going to learn the lifelong useful skill of patching drywall?
Hell no! I'm putting a fairy door over that fucker and moving on with life.
Am I going to learn the lifelong useful skill of patching drywall?
Hell no! I'm putting a fairy door over that fucker and moving on with life.
December 4, 2025 at 1:05 PM
Through sheer incompetence, I put a hole in my bathroom drywall while attempting to re-hang a towel ring.
Am I going to learn the lifelong useful skill of patching drywall?
Hell no! I'm putting a fairy door over that fucker and moving on with life.
Am I going to learn the lifelong useful skill of patching drywall?
Hell no! I'm putting a fairy door over that fucker and moving on with life.
Context Free Quote Of The Day:
"That tastes like I licked a World Market"
"That tastes like I licked a World Market"
November 30, 2025 at 12:14 AM
Context Free Quote Of The Day:
"That tastes like I licked a World Market"
"That tastes like I licked a World Market"
The guy next to me in this pub is doing sick tricks with a finger skateboard.
Find your joy in life and be awesome.
Find your joy in life and be awesome.
November 28, 2025 at 9:19 PM
The guy next to me in this pub is doing sick tricks with a finger skateboard.
Find your joy in life and be awesome.
Find your joy in life and be awesome.
While champagne sabrage is dramatic and flashy, nothing has impressed me more than someone silently opening a champagne bottle...
..in public in full view of the police, in such a manner that no one noticed.
..in public in full view of the police, in such a manner that no one noticed.
November 26, 2025 at 10:43 PM
While champagne sabrage is dramatic and flashy, nothing has impressed me more than someone silently opening a champagne bottle...
..in public in full view of the police, in such a manner that no one noticed.
..in public in full view of the police, in such a manner that no one noticed.
Great kilt update: I've got good enough that I can lay it out and pleat it in less than 15 minutes.
Putting it on and getting it exactly right takes another 10 minutes, then 10 minutes of looking in the mirror and 10 more minutes of adjusting it again.
Putting it on and getting it exactly right takes another 10 minutes, then 10 minutes of looking in the mirror and 10 more minutes of adjusting it again.
November 26, 2025 at 9:57 PM
Great kilt update: I've got good enough that I can lay it out and pleat it in less than 15 minutes.
Putting it on and getting it exactly right takes another 10 minutes, then 10 minutes of looking in the mirror and 10 more minutes of adjusting it again.
Putting it on and getting it exactly right takes another 10 minutes, then 10 minutes of looking in the mirror and 10 more minutes of adjusting it again.
Today is my mustache's 18th birthday. It's old enough to vote, buy scratch off tickets and register for selective service.
Do you still have to go to the post office to do that or can you do it online?
Do you still have to go to the post office to do that or can you do it online?
November 25, 2025 at 8:54 PM
Today is my mustache's 18th birthday. It's old enough to vote, buy scratch off tickets and register for selective service.
Do you still have to go to the post office to do that or can you do it online?
Do you still have to go to the post office to do that or can you do it online?
I flew to Tallahassee on Friday to buy my parents' old car. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong.
But now I'm safely in Savannah at an Irish pub with my family name.
A Guinness, a shot of Sexton whisky and a spice bag. It's going to be ok.
But now I'm safely in Savannah at an Irish pub with my family name.
A Guinness, a shot of Sexton whisky and a spice bag. It's going to be ok.
November 23, 2025 at 1:11 AM
I flew to Tallahassee on Friday to buy my parents' old car. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong.
But now I'm safely in Savannah at an Irish pub with my family name.
A Guinness, a shot of Sexton whisky and a spice bag. It's going to be ok.
But now I'm safely in Savannah at an Irish pub with my family name.
A Guinness, a shot of Sexton whisky and a spice bag. It's going to be ok.
I haven't had stage fright in 20 years...
... this is a novel feeling.
Fuck.
... this is a novel feeling.
Fuck.
November 16, 2025 at 8:43 PM
I haven't had stage fright in 20 years...
... this is a novel feeling.
Fuck.
... this is a novel feeling.
Fuck.