Maya
@maya-bb.bsky.social
Thank you! It's not banal at all ❤️
December 5, 2025 at 1:43 PM
Thank you! It's not banal at all ❤️
This is the first time I'm telling this publicly. It literally took me all night to write. Idk why I'm posting it. Idk what I want to say. Just be aware that you know nothing about someones life and why ppl act the way they do 18/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
This is the first time I'm telling this publicly. It literally took me all night to write. Idk why I'm posting it. Idk what I want to say. Just be aware that you know nothing about someones life and why ppl act the way they do 18/18
So I have never been able to rlly talk about it. Instead I have had contact with older men over and over again. Even if I now start to see the whole picture, I still can't stop thinking about being raped, fantasising about it either being totally fine or about being violently raped to death 17/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
So I have never been able to rlly talk about it. Instead I have had contact with older men over and over again. Even if I now start to see the whole picture, I still can't stop thinking about being raped, fantasising about it either being totally fine or about being violently raped to death 17/18
And the part ppl rlly didn't understand is that, even if I had felt ashamed of my thoughts, I couldn't stop thinking about myself in sexual contexts. When I touched him, even if I was rlly scared and wanted to run away, I wanted things to happen so badly and I just can't explain why 16/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
And the part ppl rlly didn't understand is that, even if I had felt ashamed of my thoughts, I couldn't stop thinking about myself in sexual contexts. When I touched him, even if I was rlly scared and wanted to run away, I wanted things to happen so badly and I just can't explain why 16/18
I got so angry and tired of everyone trying to tell me it wasn't my fault, bc to me that was a lie. I knew for sure I was a whore for watching porn, trying to understand it, picturing myself doing it and then finally choosing to touch him inappropriately, making him furious 15/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
I got so angry and tired of everyone trying to tell me it wasn't my fault, bc to me that was a lie. I knew for sure I was a whore for watching porn, trying to understand it, picturing myself doing it and then finally choosing to touch him inappropriately, making him furious 15/18
No one seemed to get how guilty I felt. It wasn't my fault and therefore there was no focus on what was the worst part for me. That I had initiated it. That I had done dirty stuff with a dildo he placed in the shower. That he continually had threatened to tell ppl I'm a whore while raping me 14/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
No one seemed to get how guilty I felt. It wasn't my fault and therefore there was no focus on what was the worst part for me. That I had initiated it. That I had done dirty stuff with a dildo he placed in the shower. That he continually had threatened to tell ppl I'm a whore while raping me 14/18
So the man got arrested, I didn't have to be with him anymore. I got to be every day with my mom who was now more depressed and tired than ever, with psychologists and social workers who didn't understand me at all. And with my shame, guilt and anxiety 13/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
So the man got arrested, I didn't have to be with him anymore. I got to be every day with my mom who was now more depressed and tired than ever, with psychologists and social workers who didn't understand me at all. And with my shame, guilt and anxiety 13/18
I got caught and that's what saved my life. I hit and bit the guard, screamed and tried everything to get out with the test, scared to death while everyone in the store was looking at me. When the police got involved they quickly realized what it all was about 12/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
I got caught and that's what saved my life. I hit and bit the guard, screamed and tried everything to get out with the test, scared to death while everyone in the store was looking at me. When the police got involved they quickly realized what it all was about 12/18
I remember being so scared of my mom finding out, panicking while she drove home bc I knew how ppl get pregnant and if I did, everyone would find out. We stopped at a grocery store. While my mom was shopping I found a pregnancy test and hid it under my hoodie 11/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
I remember being so scared of my mom finding out, panicking while she drove home bc I knew how ppl get pregnant and if I did, everyone would find out. We stopped at a grocery store. While my mom was shopping I found a pregnancy test and hid it under my hoodie 11/18
I don't know when I gave up, if it was minutes, hours or a day, but at some point it was like I didn't exist anymore and I was just a numb body. I remember my mom picking me up, saying she hoped I hadn't been too much trouble for him 10/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
I don't know when I gave up, if it was minutes, hours or a day, but at some point it was like I didn't exist anymore and I was just a numb body. I remember my mom picking me up, saying she hoped I hadn't been too much trouble for him 10/18
Not to save myself but to make it all stop. He somehow immediately got the door opened and took the knife. Not to save me but to save him from dealing with the consequences of me cutting myself. And to be able to continue the rape 9/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
Not to save myself but to make it all stop. He somehow immediately got the door opened and took the knife. Not to save me but to save him from dealing with the consequences of me cutting myself. And to be able to continue the rape 9/18
And the weekend came and my mom let him pick me up from school and take me to his house to rape and abuse me for two whole days and record it while threatening to tell and show everyone. At one point I managed to take a knife, run to the bathroom and lock the door 8/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
And the weekend came and my mom let him pick me up from school and take me to his house to rape and abuse me for two whole days and record it while threatening to tell and show everyone. At one point I managed to take a knife, run to the bathroom and lock the door 8/18
The only thing I remember from the next week is everyone being angry at me for hiding in my room, for not doing homework, for being either quiet or screaming. And the fear of going back to him for the whole weekend. I don't remember anyone asking what was wrong or how I felt 7/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
The only thing I remember from the next week is everyone being angry at me for hiding in my room, for not doing homework, for being either quiet or screaming. And the fear of going back to him for the whole weekend. I don't remember anyone asking what was wrong or how I felt 7/18
He was the kind man who helped my mom by taking care of me after school and every time when my mom couldn't be there for me. The kind man who took me for the weekends when my mom needed alone time, time away from me. The closest thing to a dad I had. And I loved him 6/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
He was the kind man who helped my mom by taking care of me after school and every time when my mom couldn't be there for me. The kind man who took me for the weekends when my mom needed alone time, time away from me. The closest thing to a dad I had. And I loved him 6/18
I was so scared and cried and said I'm sorry but he just kept going and eventually said I had to finish what I started if I didn't want everyone to know what I had done 5/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
I was so scared and cried and said I'm sorry but he just kept going and eventually said I had to finish what I started if I didn't want everyone to know what I had done 5/18
I had never seen him angry, but he became furious. He called me a disgusting bitch and said he had seen me using a dildo in his shower like a whore and that he filmed it. He threatened to show my mom and tell everyone how disgusting I am 4/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
I had never seen him angry, but he became furious. He called me a disgusting bitch and said he had seen me using a dildo in his shower like a whore and that he filmed it. He threatened to show my mom and tell everyone how disgusting I am 4/18
I just did what I thought I was supposed to do after years of grooming. I somehow knew this isn't something anyone should know about, but still something ppl do. He was kind, I liked him, I trusted him. When I touched him he instantly changed and became a totally different person 3/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
I just did what I thought I was supposed to do after years of grooming. I somehow knew this isn't something anyone should know about, but still something ppl do. He was kind, I liked him, I trusted him. When I touched him he instantly changed and became a totally different person 3/18
When I was 9 I did what he had groomed me into doing for 4 years. He let me find him naked, as he had done several times before. I've blamed myself so bad for what I did, tried to take my life bc of it, lived since then with anxiety and sh. But it wasn't my fault. I didn't know what it meant 2/18
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 PM
When I was 9 I did what he had groomed me into doing for 4 years. He let me find him naked, as he had done several times before. I've blamed myself so bad for what I did, tried to take my life bc of it, lived since then with anxiety and sh. But it wasn't my fault. I didn't know what it meant 2/18