Auld Lang Mexorcist
@mexorcist.bsky.social
I got your number. I steal your thunder. I got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm.
When I say, “son of a bitch”, I pronounce it, “summon a beech” like the foreign mob boss in Johnny Dangerously who can’t cuss properly.
December 30, 2025 at 2:11 AM
When I say, “son of a bitch”, I pronounce it, “summon a beech” like the foreign mob boss in Johnny Dangerously who can’t cuss properly.
My American wife made phở for the first time following a Facebook recipe. Boiled the bones from my Xmas dinner rib roast for like 9 hours yesterday. I was skeptical, but it turned out delicious, and now I’m in the “told you so” zone. Which is fine bc she did tell me so. Eating crow and eating phở. 👍
December 30, 2025 at 1:36 AM
My American wife made phở for the first time following a Facebook recipe. Boiled the bones from my Xmas dinner rib roast for like 9 hours yesterday. I was skeptical, but it turned out delicious, and now I’m in the “told you so” zone. Which is fine bc she did tell me so. Eating crow and eating phở. 👍
She finally came back, my sweet suet girl.
December 30, 2025 at 1:32 AM
She finally came back, my sweet suet girl.
This Caps game sucks.
December 24, 2025 at 2:31 AM
This Caps game sucks.
Is Sheena from Avoid One Thing's "Lean on Sheena" (later covered by The Bouncing Souls) the same woman in "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" by the Ramones? How many Sheenas are there in the punk universe?
I just hope she escaped the abusive daddy relationship to become queen of the jungle. Or vice versa.
I just hope she escaped the abusive daddy relationship to become queen of the jungle. Or vice versa.
December 22, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Is Sheena from Avoid One Thing's "Lean on Sheena" (later covered by The Bouncing Souls) the same woman in "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" by the Ramones? How many Sheenas are there in the punk universe?
I just hope she escaped the abusive daddy relationship to become queen of the jungle. Or vice versa.
I just hope she escaped the abusive daddy relationship to become queen of the jungle. Or vice versa.
I’m not saying that I take any pleasure in learning that Jake Paul got knocked out by the former heavyweight champion and has a broken jaw. But I’m not NOT saying it, either.
December 20, 2025 at 2:08 PM
I’m not saying that I take any pleasure in learning that Jake Paul got knocked out by the former heavyweight champion and has a broken jaw. But I’m not NOT saying it, either.
Off work ‘til Jan 4. Just enough time for insanity to really take root in my diseased brain. What good can come from 2 solid weeks with my family? Unabated exposure to the 3 people I love the most? Without respite? Sign me up! I apologize for the unhinged shit I post during this unprecedented time.
December 20, 2025 at 2:22 AM
Off work ‘til Jan 4. Just enough time for insanity to really take root in my diseased brain. What good can come from 2 solid weeks with my family? Unabated exposure to the 3 people I love the most? Without respite? Sign me up! I apologize for the unhinged shit I post during this unprecedented time.
I read the Defector article about the Kelce/Mahomes steakhouse, and then looked up Noble 33. They don't have any restaurants in the DC area. I wonder if that's because they don't want to go up against José Andrés?
This is a gift article for you:
defector.com/two-nights-p...
This is a gift article for you:
defector.com/two-nights-p...
Two Nights Playing With Fire At Patrick Mahomes And Travis Kelce's Steakhouse | Defector
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — As celebrity restaurant mascots, athletes offer a tidy sense of vertical integration: Why not supply the very calories they need to expend on the field? I’m surprised there are so f...
defector.com
December 16, 2025 at 6:40 PM
I read the Defector article about the Kelce/Mahomes steakhouse, and then looked up Noble 33. They don't have any restaurants in the DC area. I wonder if that's because they don't want to go up against José Andrés?
This is a gift article for you:
defector.com/two-nights-p...
This is a gift article for you:
defector.com/two-nights-p...
Me: [for the past 4 years] You must report all travel outside the United States.
Them: Canada?
Me: … *sigh*
Me: … [rubbing my temples]
Me: … [shaking my head]
Me: Yep, even Canada.
How the fuck do these people still have a job?
Them: Canada?
Me: … *sigh*
Me: … [rubbing my temples]
Me: … [shaking my head]
Me: Yep, even Canada.
How the fuck do these people still have a job?
December 11, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Me: [for the past 4 years] You must report all travel outside the United States.
Them: Canada?
Me: … *sigh*
Me: … [rubbing my temples]
Me: … [shaking my head]
Me: Yep, even Canada.
How the fuck do these people still have a job?
Them: Canada?
Me: … *sigh*
Me: … [rubbing my temples]
Me: … [shaking my head]
Me: Yep, even Canada.
How the fuck do these people still have a job?
I can't imagine anything I could care about less than whatever Dave Portnoy does or says.
December 9, 2025 at 8:40 PM
I can't imagine anything I could care about less than whatever Dave Portnoy does or says.
I feel like Alan May is too entranced with Jacob Chychrun’s hips. For a guy who tries really hard to be macho…
December 8, 2025 at 3:01 AM
I feel like Alan May is too entranced with Jacob Chychrun’s hips. For a guy who tries really hard to be macho…
Don’t need Chrith Cthillitha ads in my hockey broadcast, Monumental. Focus on hockey and the leading provider of I.T. services to the military industrial complex, pleathe
December 6, 2025 at 3:06 AM
Don’t need Chrith Cthillitha ads in my hockey broadcast, Monumental. Focus on hockey and the leading provider of I.T. services to the military industrial complex, pleathe
Who the fuck is Parker Milner?
December 6, 2025 at 2:50 AM
Who the fuck is Parker Milner?
I hate to say this, but I know all dogs are good boys and good girls, but some of them are just fuckin' ugly. Get your liver-colored shitzadoodle out of here with its liver-colored eyelids and liver-colored nose and that wet, brown-stained mouth fur.
December 5, 2025 at 4:08 PM
I hate to say this, but I know all dogs are good boys and good girls, but some of them are just fuckin' ugly. Get your liver-colored shitzadoodle out of here with its liver-colored eyelids and liver-colored nose and that wet, brown-stained mouth fur.
Just swapped out the standard cork with the Jizmak Da Gusha topper on my holiday bottle of @catoctincreek.bsky.social Hot Honey Rye. I can’t wait to explain Jizmak to my 76 year old mother-in-law as I make her a Thanksgiving cocktail.
November 27, 2025 at 3:45 AM
Just swapped out the standard cork with the Jizmak Da Gusha topper on my holiday bottle of @catoctincreek.bsky.social Hot Honey Rye. I can’t wait to explain Jizmak to my 76 year old mother-in-law as I make her a Thanksgiving cocktail.
It’s only Wednesday night, and my neck is already sore from looking at decisions made by my lovely wife and her parents and shaking my head in disbelief.
And I’m talking exclusively about the goddamned dishwasher.
And I’m talking exclusively about the goddamned dishwasher.
November 27, 2025 at 3:25 AM
It’s only Wednesday night, and my neck is already sore from looking at decisions made by my lovely wife and her parents and shaking my head in disbelief.
And I’m talking exclusively about the goddamned dishwasher.
And I’m talking exclusively about the goddamned dishwasher.
Taking mandatory training provided by the gov't about protecting privacy and civil liberties, and the gov't nominally prohibits a lot of shit that the current administration is actively doing. This is not the kind of irony that I appreciate.
November 26, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Taking mandatory training provided by the gov't about protecting privacy and civil liberties, and the gov't nominally prohibits a lot of shit that the current administration is actively doing. This is not the kind of irony that I appreciate.
No program or application should ever steal focus from another app when a text entry field is the active element (has focus). I don't care if I just launched the other app. When I'm typing, I'm typing; and nothing should hijack that operation.
November 25, 2025 at 9:11 PM
No program or application should ever steal focus from another app when a text entry field is the active element (has focus). I don't care if I just launched the other app. When I'm typing, I'm typing; and nothing should hijack that operation.
Made chicken sandwiches for dinner tonight; plated two for the 17yo who eats later than us.
Before he ate the 2nd, he asked if there was a 3rd. I said "no", but hid one for wife's lunch.
Asked her if she cared. She did not. So I had to tell him: "There is another..." like dying Yoda in Empire.
Before he ate the 2nd, he asked if there was a 3rd. I said "no", but hid one for wife's lunch.
Asked her if she cared. She did not. So I had to tell him: "There is another..." like dying Yoda in Empire.
November 25, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Made chicken sandwiches for dinner tonight; plated two for the 17yo who eats later than us.
Before he ate the 2nd, he asked if there was a 3rd. I said "no", but hid one for wife's lunch.
Asked her if she cared. She did not. So I had to tell him: "There is another..." like dying Yoda in Empire.
Before he ate the 2nd, he asked if there was a 3rd. I said "no", but hid one for wife's lunch.
Asked her if she cared. She did not. So I had to tell him: "There is another..." like dying Yoda in Empire.
I spent like $900 on Saturday night to take the family to dinner and the Caps game. They lost 3-5. Tonight they’re winning 4-0 after two periods. This is why I continue to be a Washington Capitals season ticket holder. FML
November 25, 2025 at 1:59 AM
I spent like $900 on Saturday night to take the family to dinner and the Caps game. They lost 3-5. Tonight they’re winning 4-0 after two periods. This is why I continue to be a Washington Capitals season ticket holder. FML
New Google doc. Title: "NHL Pieces of Shit". Contents: Corey Perry, Tony DeAngelo, Milan Lucic, Jordan Binnington, Patrick Kane. Newest addition: Yanni Gourde. On the verge: Curtis Douglas.
Footnote: Does not include historical pieces of shit, e.g., Patrick Roy, Ron Hextall, Sean Avery, etc.
Footnote: Does not include historical pieces of shit, e.g., Patrick Roy, Ron Hextall, Sean Avery, etc.
November 24, 2025 at 9:51 PM
New Google doc. Title: "NHL Pieces of Shit". Contents: Corey Perry, Tony DeAngelo, Milan Lucic, Jordan Binnington, Patrick Kane. Newest addition: Yanni Gourde. On the verge: Curtis Douglas.
Footnote: Does not include historical pieces of shit, e.g., Patrick Roy, Ron Hextall, Sean Avery, etc.
Footnote: Does not include historical pieces of shit, e.g., Patrick Roy, Ron Hextall, Sean Avery, etc.
Shit, that email from Hegseth's mom is crazy.
My mom just sends shit like "On a cruise. Grand Cayman today. Return on Saturday."
That's because I'm not a huge piece of shit.
My mom just sends shit like "On a cruise. Grand Cayman today. Return on Saturday."
That's because I'm not a huge piece of shit.
November 24, 2025 at 9:02 PM
Shit, that email from Hegseth's mom is crazy.
My mom just sends shit like "On a cruise. Grand Cayman today. Return on Saturday."
That's because I'm not a huge piece of shit.
My mom just sends shit like "On a cruise. Grand Cayman today. Return on Saturday."
That's because I'm not a huge piece of shit.
Anyone else refill the salt grinder with pink Himalayan salt and then suck on a big pink nugget as a reward for all your hard work? Or is it just me?
November 23, 2025 at 10:40 PM
Anyone else refill the salt grinder with pink Himalayan salt and then suck on a big pink nugget as a reward for all your hard work? Or is it just me?
TNT hockey broadcast audio mix is for shit. Too much low end. Low pass filter eliminates higher frequencies and makes it harder to hear the guys in the studio. It’s like they’re under water.
November 20, 2025 at 2:58 AM
TNT hockey broadcast audio mix is for shit. Too much low end. Low pass filter eliminates higher frequencies and makes it harder to hear the guys in the studio. It’s like they’re under water.
I love to see an NHL intermission report for any game that does not feature Paul Bissonnette. Experts talking about the players and the game without intentional attention grabbing through “hot takes” and “extreme attitude”. Guy sucked on the ice, and sucks on TV.
November 20, 2025 at 1:00 AM
I love to see an NHL intermission report for any game that does not feature Paul Bissonnette. Experts talking about the players and the game without intentional attention grabbing through “hot takes” and “extreme attitude”. Guy sucked on the ice, and sucks on TV.