Mike Haueisen
@mike-eh.bsky.social
On Cinema Mark-Head, WashU Olin MBA & MS, Investing enthusiast
Why the fuck would his internet only work good in the doghouse, for the love of god, where the fuck would his router possibly be located
January 25, 2026 at 11:11 PM
Why the fuck would his internet only work good in the doghouse, for the love of god, where the fuck would his router possibly be located
People who post a photo of themselves at the gym on a Friday night with a caption like “Friday night plans” are too dumb to realize that doing so is exactly why they weren’t invited to or have any actual Friday night plans
November 8, 2025 at 9:27 AM
People who post a photo of themselves at the gym on a Friday night with a caption like “Friday night plans” are too dumb to realize that doing so is exactly why they weren’t invited to or have any actual Friday night plans
Crazy how bad some couples are at looking at the camera, always looking perfect but just like zero awareness when someone is pointing the camera at them and taking photos!
October 31, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Crazy how bad some couples are at looking at the camera, always looking perfect but just like zero awareness when someone is pointing the camera at them and taking photos!
According to social media basically every scene in every movie was improvised. They don’t even have scripts at this point. Just movie magic!!!
October 13, 2025 at 5:00 PM
According to social media basically every scene in every movie was improvised. They don’t even have scripts at this point. Just movie magic!!!
I love being hot, I’m so sexy
September 12, 2025 at 9:35 PM
I love being hot, I’m so sexy
I know this is a bad take but I don’t care and need to say it. Photographers are so overrated. They act like staging shit is some crazy art, it’s fucking not, anyone get a good camera and point and click a thousand times and I guarantee you several of them look amazing, not fucking hard, fuck you
August 27, 2025 at 5:16 PM
I know this is a bad take but I don’t care and need to say it. Photographers are so overrated. They act like staging shit is some crazy art, it’s fucking not, anyone get a good camera and point and click a thousand times and I guarantee you several of them look amazing, not fucking hard, fuck you
As a society we are not making or eating enough pot pies. This should be fixed. Veggies, protein, carbs, tastes good… it’s the whole package. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
July 15, 2025 at 7:20 PM
As a society we are not making or eating enough pot pies. This should be fixed. Veggies, protein, carbs, tastes good… it’s the whole package. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
Greatest street name I’ve ever seen, who came up with this
July 12, 2025 at 6:06 PM
Greatest street name I’ve ever seen, who came up with this
Me, who lives completely alone, heading to the closet to get a toilet paper roll from my 48-roll bulk pack of toilet paper, thinking about how I haven’t had to buy tp in over a year and got an amazing $ per roll: Hell yes!!! I live for this shit!!! Yesssss!!!!!
July 11, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Me, who lives completely alone, heading to the closet to get a toilet paper roll from my 48-roll bulk pack of toilet paper, thinking about how I haven’t had to buy tp in over a year and got an amazing $ per roll: Hell yes!!! I live for this shit!!! Yesssss!!!!!
Flight attendants should have a maximum jokes they can make per flight, on a sliding scale based on time of day and flight length of course. It’s 530am, zip it the fuck up lady we are all trying to sleep
July 3, 2025 at 11:41 AM
Flight attendants should have a maximum jokes they can make per flight, on a sliding scale based on time of day and flight length of course. It’s 530am, zip it the fuck up lady we are all trying to sleep
You ever notice how like thousands and thousands of people claim to have cried at a concert but you’ve never actually seen anyone actually do so?
June 16, 2025 at 4:14 AM
You ever notice how like thousands and thousands of people claim to have cried at a concert but you’ve never actually seen anyone actually do so?
RIP Brian Wilson, his obsession with Shortnin Bread is one of the funniest anecdotes about an artist I have ever read
June 11, 2025 at 5:41 PM
RIP Brian Wilson, his obsession with Shortnin Bread is one of the funniest anecdotes about an artist I have ever read
Taking a shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 11, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Taking a shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As an MBA, if you put “MBA” in your name/title literally in any way at all it is the biggest signal that you went to a shitty school and also that you are probably insanely full of shit, a grifter, and likely dumb too
June 3, 2025 at 2:47 PM
As an MBA, if you put “MBA” in your name/title literally in any way at all it is the biggest signal that you went to a shitty school and also that you are probably insanely full of shit, a grifter, and likely dumb too
One of the absolute worst things about me is that when I order combo meals from McDonald’s or Wendy’s I usually get a milk as my drink lmao
May 31, 2025 at 1:13 AM
One of the absolute worst things about me is that when I order combo meals from McDonald’s or Wendy’s I usually get a milk as my drink lmao
I can not believe I hadn’t seen everything everywhere all at once until now. What a fucking great movie. Gonna be one of those “I really wish I could watch/experience if for the first time again” movies
May 30, 2025 at 6:38 PM
I can not believe I hadn’t seen everything everywhere all at once until now. What a fucking great movie. Gonna be one of those “I really wish I could watch/experience if for the first time again” movies
Folks who doesn’t just love a good boingo hotspot
May 15, 2025 at 2:34 PM
Folks who doesn’t just love a good boingo hotspot
Hope I’m not jinxing anything but in many ways I have achieved the perfect corporate combination - being U.S based and compensated for a global entity with European work culture. I think I make more than my manager but work far less than my U.S. counterparts lol
April 24, 2025 at 7:12 PM
Hope I’m not jinxing anything but in many ways I have achieved the perfect corporate combination - being U.S based and compensated for a global entity with European work culture. I think I make more than my manager but work far less than my U.S. counterparts lol
Why does everyone suddenly say “yap”? Why is everyone so fucking unoriginal and just regurgitating what others say, Jesus Christ, the internet fucking ruined so many things but this like hive-mind thing where everyone interacts and speaks in ways they see online is the absolute worst of it all
April 22, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Why does everyone suddenly say “yap”? Why is everyone so fucking unoriginal and just regurgitating what others say, Jesus Christ, the internet fucking ruined so many things but this like hive-mind thing where everyone interacts and speaks in ways they see online is the absolute worst of it all
I can’t stop eating subway and I don’t know what to do with this info. I know it’s not very good, I know all the other sub chains are objectively better, but I still can’t stop I am addicted. Over the last two weeks I have eaten SIX subway subs and god damn if i ain’t thinking about having another
April 18, 2025 at 5:42 PM
I can’t stop eating subway and I don’t know what to do with this info. I know it’s not very good, I know all the other sub chains are objectively better, but I still can’t stop I am addicted. Over the last two weeks I have eaten SIX subway subs and god damn if i ain’t thinking about having another
Damn got back on Twitter and it actually really does suck now. I’m not even an overt Elon hater, it’s just fucking unusable, can’t find anything I’m looking for, replies are miserable, porn everywhere, sheesh! It’s so lame that both political parties just hive-mind on their respective apps
April 17, 2025 at 3:36 AM
Damn got back on Twitter and it actually really does suck now. I’m not even an overt Elon hater, it’s just fucking unusable, can’t find anything I’m looking for, replies are miserable, porn everywhere, sheesh! It’s so lame that both political parties just hive-mind on their respective apps
Living a nightmare, had to shit at bar, only one toilet and a bathroom attendant in here, he’s just chilling there listening to me blow it up
April 13, 2025 at 12:52 AM
Living a nightmare, had to shit at bar, only one toilet and a bathroom attendant in here, he’s just chilling there listening to me blow it up
A business being family owned used to be a good things but I think it sucks now. Fuck you. So no one who runs things got there on merit, got it, suck my dick
April 7, 2025 at 6:46 PM
A business being family owned used to be a good things but I think it sucks now. Fuck you. So no one who runs things got there on merit, got it, suck my dick
Why do pregnant women 100% without fail put their hand on their stomach when getting pictures? I don’t get it, who cares? We know you’re pregnant, just smile and take a photo? What am I not getting?
April 5, 2025 at 12:27 AM
Why do pregnant women 100% without fail put their hand on their stomach when getting pictures? I don’t get it, who cares? We know you’re pregnant, just smile and take a photo? What am I not getting?