The one thing I want for Christmas won't happen this year, but maybe next year...

My decorations are up, the tree still stands, presents have been bought, now I just need a Christmas miracle...

I actually want to participate in Christmas this year... doubt my cats will get me anything, though.

I have successfully completed another cycle of the sun and moon's dance without requiring divine intervention or a single incident report.

I'm probably never going to be "worth the risk" for anyone again. I'm just someone to use and then toss aside when someone more intriguing comes along.

I don't know which way is up, but I'm willing to drown in it for now...

Ok. So now I made it awkward. Why is that I can't continue to have nice things? How do I fuck it up so much?

Welp, I probably made things awkward. That's what I get for putting my feelings out there.

Maybe I am just something to help keep them distracted until what they are waiting for shows up. I'm obviously not enough to keep them curious to the point of actual interest.

I think I scared him, and/or he's just not interested anymore 😔

They must be just a little into me... and here I am just being closer to obsessed. Feels like I could scare them away at any moment. Ugh.

Ok, so, maybe they do feel the attraction. If last night is anything to go off of... but how do I know it's sincere? How do I know they are not using me to fill the gap until they find someone more interesting???😫

Damn it! I'm crushing hard now, and I don't think they feel the same way. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I am finding myself attracted to someone a little too easily, but I like it too much to keep myself in check. 🤦‍♀️

I'm trying to work on my socializing in a (slightly) less anxiety inducing way. All it has given me is scammers and getting to experience a man in his 40s have a tempertantrum and block me for saying that he shouldn't be so hard on himself. Look's I won't meet anyone new that's a keeper.

The Silent Voice (1893), painted by British artist Gerald Moira (1867-1959).

It's a haunting work about a voice in the lady's head, inspired by a poem written in 1833 and 1834 by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. The poem is called "The Two Voices" and deals with depression and suicide.

#art #painting #poem

Someone had posted about missing another's voice, and that just hit me hard.
One of my biggest regrets is not having more recordings of his voice. It calmed me. Made the small voices hush long enough for me to get back on track.

I thought I was being a good friend. Being what was needed. Turns out I was just another burden. I'm sorry I wasn't enough to be trusted.