love the face in the mirror, fun touch.

in conclusion lmfaooo:

•most of society is evil & dumb

•i’m in an a self made struggle loop & it’s kinda pathetic.

xoxo!

but have a difficult time communicating that irl UGH.
i clearly don’t have good coping skills at ALL. but even thinking of therapy rn is exhausting & im fkn incapable of taking meds consistently 😭 so wtf.

oh then ofc this all affects my relationships. i have an amazing partner & fear he’ll get tired of me. i fear the people in my life think i don’t like them or something.. but tbh i just don’t want to be a burden & i’m embarrassed by struggling. so i end up distancing myself.

but working with the general public rn seems like an actual nightmare.. i can’t even take being casually out in public rn lol. i’m scared i will crash out on someone. i don’t want to be mean or cause people distress. but they rly do be pmo too. 😮‍💨

-with that on top of my previous existing mental heath/personal issues i’m BROKE ash & feel too unstable to even work more. so the
stress of that is not helping either! i can’t afford anything or contribute to the good people around me like i’d like to. shameful & embarrassing.

i don’t feel comfortable ignoring the unjustness & cruelness in this word.. what’s why we are here in the first place. but it gets so consuming.. it’s everywhere & it’s disgusting. i don’t want to contribute to the system that perpetuates it but it’s pretty much inevitable atp. it’s so frustrating.

it sucks extra cuz i didn’t used to feel this way regardless of mental heath issues.. i used to be able to still genuinely enjoy myself & i miss that SO much. i think i was just naive.

ignorance is truly bliss & unfortunately everything rly is that deep.

i think i should to move away from lots of people.. as much as i like going out for cute cocktails, food, dancing, seeing the city lights & having many other options for activities it feels more hypothetical than genuine. i still find myself sad or irritated & just wanting to be home/alone.

deranged, creepy, weirdo behavior.

i’m just a pile of a person, no one should have to be around/deal with me.

my grandpa had a PhD in history! this is so exciting, best of luck!!