And when my friend asked me how I'd earned the respect of someone who doesn't give that kind of help so easily, I shrugged. I truly don't know what he saw in me.

The only reason I was able to get this far in making my documentary is because when I first started developing it, a kung fu master in Chinatown -- whom I'd only met a couple of times -- connected me with my co-producer. My co-producer told me that that's because I'd earned the master's respect.

I keep asking and wondering why all these people would go out of their way to help me, someone who can't give them much in return. The answer is usually some form of, I see promise in you.

A couple of years ago, while working on a major media campaign, I was wet behind the ears and asked for help from someone who had successfully run a similar campaign. I had just expected some tips and resources. Instead, they willingly sat down with my for two hours to go over my notes and plans.

I was told today by someone in my professional circles, who never even met me in person, that I was smarter than many others around us. Which explained why they'd jumped to help me, connecting me with resources and explaining how to manage my finances better.

My friend rec'd your book last year because I'm also an AsAm journalist raised by a narcissist (from Queens, so I'm like your East Coast twin). Needless to say, I talked to my therapist and got a formal diagnosis. It doesn't change anything, but it's easier to find reading material for myself now.

I have a dire wolf too. Don’t say she’s not. I say she is. And I know genetics too. Dire wolf.

I am releasing the embargo on this news today at 5 pm.

Honestly, I'm crying a bit just thinking about it. That friend group was so kind, and I'm glad that I tried to ignore the demons in my mind and persisted in spending time with them.