Murderton Gazette
@murdertongazette.bsky.social
Welcome to Murderton.
Population: 411
Days since last cosy homicide: 3
Population: 411
Days since last cosy homicide: 3
Pinned
Local painter Ms Dimity Trinket posthumously awarded Murderton Annual Art prize for her watercolour ‘Castle Crow at Sunset’. Anyone with information re Ms Trinket’s recent untimely end urged to call hotline number provided.
Who is the mysterious figure in (the late) Dimity Tinket’s painting, and could this be related to her untimely end?
January 12, 2026 at 12:13 AM
Who is the mysterious figure in (the late) Dimity Tinket’s painting, and could this be related to her untimely end?
Local painter Ms Dimity Trinket posthumously awarded Murderton Annual Art prize for her watercolour ‘Castle Crow at Sunset’. Anyone with information re Ms Trinket’s recent untimely end urged to call hotline number provided.
January 10, 2026 at 6:32 AM
Local painter Ms Dimity Trinket posthumously awarded Murderton Annual Art prize for her watercolour ‘Castle Crow at Sunset’. Anyone with information re Ms Trinket’s recent untimely end urged to call hotline number provided.
Slogan Competition: nationwide campaign to boost flagging Murderton population numbers;
Council brainstorming committee rejects “It’s Dead Nice Here”.
Council brainstorming committee rejects “It’s Dead Nice Here”.
January 4, 2026 at 11:58 PM
Slogan Competition: nationwide campaign to boost flagging Murderton population numbers;
Council brainstorming committee rejects “It’s Dead Nice Here”.
Council brainstorming committee rejects “It’s Dead Nice Here”.
‘How to Host a Murder’ NYE party claims three lives; designated ‘victim’ helping police with inquiries.
Pg 2: Chief Detective Inspector Lester comments, “I hate to say I told you so, but …”
Pg 2: Chief Detective Inspector Lester comments, “I hate to say I told you so, but …”
January 2, 2026 at 10:53 PM
‘How to Host a Murder’ NYE party claims three lives; designated ‘victim’ helping police with inquiries.
Pg 2: Chief Detective Inspector Lester comments, “I hate to say I told you so, but …”
Pg 2: Chief Detective Inspector Lester comments, “I hate to say I told you so, but …”
Hosting a New Year’s Eve party? Detective Inspector Lester warns against masked balls and ‘How to Host a Murder’ nights: “We don’t want a repeat of last year.”
December 30, 2025 at 2:19 AM
Hosting a New Year’s Eve party? Detective Inspector Lester warns against masked balls and ‘How to Host a Murder’ nights: “We don’t want a repeat of last year.”
Pudding Poisoning Fatality: Mrs Mooney Helping Police with Enquires.
December 28, 2025 at 1:52 PM
Pudding Poisoning Fatality: Mrs Mooney Helping Police with Enquires.
Poisoning investigation closed - widespread outbreak of stomach complaints traced back to Mrs Mooney’s Pop-Up Pudding Shop.
December 28, 2025 at 1:33 AM
Poisoning investigation closed - widespread outbreak of stomach complaints traced back to Mrs Mooney’s Pop-Up Pudding Shop.
Mysterious Obelisks in Farmer Joe McGowry’s Cow Paddock Mysteriously Disappear. Pg 2: Have you seen Joe McGowry? If so please call hotline number provided.
December 28, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Mysterious Obelisks in Farmer Joe McGowry’s Cow Paddock Mysteriously Disappear. Pg 2: Have you seen Joe McGowry? If so please call hotline number provided.
Kiss of Death: Fatal Allergic Reaction to Mistletoe Being Treated as Suspicious
December 25, 2025 at 9:07 AM
Kiss of Death: Fatal Allergic Reaction to Mistletoe Being Treated as Suspicious
Who Killed Murderton Square’s Santa, and How Long Was He Sitting There Before Anyone Noticed?
December 18, 2025 at 1:33 AM
Who Killed Murderton Square’s Santa, and How Long Was He Sitting There Before Anyone Noticed?
Murderton High Street Christmas decorations claim first victim for 2025. Town Mayor comments: “Perhaps we should just stop putting up those giant baubles.”
December 18, 2025 at 1:32 AM
Murderton High Street Christmas decorations claim first victim for 2025. Town Mayor comments: “Perhaps we should just stop putting up those giant baubles.”
Unsettlingly Realistic Cornfield Scarecrow was Missing Holidaymaker This Whole Time.
December 2, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Unsettlingly Realistic Cornfield Scarecrow was Missing Holidaymaker This Whole Time.
Murderton Butcher’s Magistrate Hearing Today: Junior Detective Simon Strimple horrified to learn contents of locally-produced sausage rolls he’s been slamming ever since arriving in town.
December 2, 2025 at 10:57 PM
Murderton Butcher’s Magistrate Hearing Today: Junior Detective Simon Strimple horrified to learn contents of locally-produced sausage rolls he’s been slamming ever since arriving in town.
Junior Detective Simon Strimple’s investigation into mysterious obelisks at edge of town hampered by local farmer: “Them’s MY obelisks in MY cow paddock and if I catch that lad poking round here again I’ll set t’dogs on ‘im.”
November 27, 2025 at 5:53 AM
Junior Detective Simon Strimple’s investigation into mysterious obelisks at edge of town hampered by local farmer: “Them’s MY obelisks in MY cow paddock and if I catch that lad poking round here again I’ll set t’dogs on ‘im.”
Congratulations to all Murdertonians on your second murder-free week this year! ⭐️
November 24, 2025 at 11:21 PM
Congratulations to all Murdertonians on your second murder-free week this year! ⭐️
Chief Detective Inspector Lester welcomes fresh recruit Junior Detective Simon Strimple: “That’s your desk, this is my desk, I’m off to lunch, don’t touch anything.”
November 23, 2025 at 1:34 PM
Chief Detective Inspector Lester welcomes fresh recruit Junior Detective Simon Strimple: “That’s your desk, this is my desk, I’m off to lunch, don’t touch anything.”
Don’t miss out! Secure your spot in Murderton Cemetery, the most sought-after real estate in town!
November 22, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Don’t miss out! Secure your spot in Murderton Cemetery, the most sought-after real estate in town!
Meat-Locker Mayhem! Chief Detective Inspector Lester’s official statement: “The good news is that we just solved five missing-persons cases. The bad news is that we just solved five missing-persons cases.”
November 16, 2025 at 9:18 PM
Meat-Locker Mayhem! Chief Detective Inspector Lester’s official statement: “The good news is that we just solved five missing-persons cases. The bad news is that we just solved five missing-persons cases.”
MURDERTON BUTCHER’S IDENTITY REVEALED! Pg 4: Product recall of all mince products from The Jolly Cow on High Street.
November 16, 2025 at 9:13 PM
MURDERTON BUTCHER’S IDENTITY REVEALED! Pg 4: Product recall of all mince products from The Jolly Cow on High Street.
Local Business of the Year awarded to trauma cleaners Out Damned Spot.
Turn to page 10 for bloodstain-removal tips and tricks from the pros!
Turn to page 10 for bloodstain-removal tips and tricks from the pros!
November 16, 2025 at 12:01 AM
Local Business of the Year awarded to trauma cleaners Out Damned Spot.
Turn to page 10 for bloodstain-removal tips and tricks from the pros!
Turn to page 10 for bloodstain-removal tips and tricks from the pros!
Mayor awards Tabitha Marbles Bravery Medal for anticipating Cemetery Strangler’s next target, thus saving his life. Chief Detective Inspector Chester Lester commented, “Yeah well it’s easy to discover clues when you don’t have to muck about with search warrants.”
November 13, 2025 at 1:33 PM
Mayor awards Tabitha Marbles Bravery Medal for anticipating Cemetery Strangler’s next target, thus saving his life. Chief Detective Inspector Chester Lester commented, “Yeah well it’s easy to discover clues when you don’t have to muck about with search warrants.”
Congratulations to all Murdertonians on your first murder-free week this year! ⭐️
November 11, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Congratulations to all Murdertonians on your first murder-free week this year! ⭐️
Cemetery Strangler Revealed! Caught attempting to strangle Gazette Crime Cadet Brendan Howell, former Cadet Melinda Maul commented, “I’d kill again for an entry-level job in print media.”
November 11, 2025 at 10:47 AM
Cemetery Strangler Revealed! Caught attempting to strangle Gazette Crime Cadet Brendan Howell, former Cadet Melinda Maul commented, “I’d kill again for an entry-level job in print media.”
Cemetery Strangler a loyal Murderton Gazette reader, judging by the article-clipping collection found in mausoleum lair.
November 9, 2025 at 12:15 AM
Cemetery Strangler a loyal Murderton Gazette reader, judging by the article-clipping collection found in mausoleum lair.
Walking Among the Dead: Crime Cadet Brendan Howell tells of his week lost in Murderton Cemetery. Page 2: Cemetery Strangler still at large.
November 8, 2025 at 12:18 AM
Walking Among the Dead: Crime Cadet Brendan Howell tells of his week lost in Murderton Cemetery. Page 2: Cemetery Strangler still at large.