How hungry...

Trust me, it's a good idea. (Don't trust me, it's not a good idea.)

Bald

"ooooh look how old you aaaaarrreeee"

If I ever get into a disagreement with you for any reason whatsoever and I'm losing, I'm gonna start pulling out IDs ranging from 2003-2008 and wave it in front of you like I'm putting a curse on you 🫡🫡

When young adults tell you what year they were born in, does it accelerate your withering process

For reference, the party was secretly a big lesbian orgy and I just sat in the living room and played slay the spire and ate the food while they got they freak on

I saw a really stunning girl and started showing a tiny bit, and when someone tried to tease me by asking who got me riled up, I instinctively responded with "our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" then pulled out an Arizona can and offered it to her before going back to my phone

So brave

That and butter chicken................ I salivate the thought

I made really yummy chicken tacos earlier today and I ate so much of the food that when I ate shit at work I paid the price and had to go home early due to health code laws

Holy shit a wild Ella