Aaaaaand work, plus the stress of living in an absolutely horrifying, dystopian world that only seems to get worse, is a soul-sucking nightmare... God bless America. 😑

I wish I knew what my damage was in terms of translating my thoughts into words on the page.

Well, I know my damage. I have at least 2 conditions that affect my ability to focus on what I want to focus on for any length of time and just generally cripple my executive function.

I am in awe of it.

I know I am a slow writer, glacially so, but I am almost *always* thinking about the story. I love thinking about the emotional beats to keep people invested, how to pull together an important event I want to happen in a way that feels authentic with the characters and setting...

However, since I've been trying to actually build the foundation for my novel that I want to write and the practice I've been doing by working this long fic, I've been learning so much about the building blocks of stories and plots and how each piece comes together to create something incredible...

I hate retail.

Fanfiction as a concept is just magical.

I need to write. I've been so fucking dead with work. Fucking Thanksgiving.

Writing fanfic is about playing with the readers' expectations—taking what they know about the characters/story and using it to build something new. Like the post-Apocalypse seasons of Supernatural. Some of it is good, but a lot of it sucks, and somehow that show still ran for 15 fucking seasons.

Like, on the one hand, it's kind of a spoiler, but on the other hand, it's an AU. The author has complete freedom to change any and all details they want. All the readers know is that the character is sus as hell. Why and how they're sus is completely up in the air until it happens.

For example, if you drop a canon turncoat into a position where they could become a confidant, or at the very least, a person who might be trusted at a future point when they maybe shouldn't be... 👀

I still struggle with my inner prude from time to time, courtesy of my Mormon upbringing, but for the most part, I'm able to ignore it.

Thanks. ❤️

Ehhhh, I am, but I'm not? There's still stuff to untangle there, and I'm still anxious about being rejected for it, but I know myself and I know that I'm a good person. So. It is what it is.

Yeah, that makes sense.

It's very possible that this is true for many writers.

Like, this is a little personal, but I was always aware that I was into nc, and there has always been some shame attached to it for what I think are fairly obvious reasons. I tried to reconcile my shame and my desire to write what I wanted by calling it dubcon, but tbh, I was kidding myself.

As a writer who has tagged things as dubcon, then went back to them later and thought, "... This isn't dubcon." and immediately felt embarrassed... I think you're 100% correct.

Holy shit. I'm actually on the first sheet for 2026... 64. I'm like, always near the very bottom... Is this gonna be my year? We'll have to see...

Amazing. 🤣🤣🤣