Me sampling jerky at a mall kiosk: "This jerky tastes so good, it had to have been made by a 12 year old boy who wasn't wearing a hat."

Employee at @matthatjerky.bsky.social kiosk: "Buckle up, fucko, cause I'm about to blow your mind."

If you look at the name of this national forest, you'll notice that its name is exactly Waluigi spelled backwards. This should tell you that something is afoot.

I've heard of a light roast, but this is ridiculous (the beans are roasted pretty darkly).

Dealing with a minor stomach bug on Puerto Plata's famous pink street. #Puertoplata #dominicanrepublic #paseodedonablanca

I'm trying to be the Michael Palin of bollards.

I've heard of "I've heard of Getty Images but this is ridiculous!" but this is plausible!

Infotainment? Advertorial? Nah, son, I need Educahelp.

For Your Consideration: Liam Neeson's transcendent performance as Dave Matthews in Kinzie.

Some people think about baeball, but my hog energy is much more centered after I meditate on the data coming out of Ireland.

Apologies if it takes some time and practice to shake the rust off of my Twitter-style joke writing. I spent my time away mastering letterboxd.