i cannot apply to other jobs enough i need out of here so bad

sorry i thought i felt better but i still feel rlly gross. esp upon talking with my manager and finding out this is a pattern with this specific guy. okay so we just let him keep doing this

there's obviously not a magical job that would solve my problems but it'd do a lot for my mental health to make a few more dollars an hour and not have people directly in my ear arguing with me about stupid shit 8 hrs a day

i guess the answer is probably go back to college and hope for the best but that's a lot of moneyyy

this took like 5 attempts to write i have to just go to bed

mind you i appreciate her greatly for doing the research for me and i'm not mad at her abt it all i'm just like . jesus christ this is a lot to take in and i don't have the mental fortitude for it

the place i work at is like that too... smth abt specialty meds means you gotta go thru 500 saw traps to get them it's so fucked

maybe i should be a little more considerate tho i just remembered my rib cage and chest hurt crazy bad last night. and i remembered that bc it just started hurting now

my lack of respect for the fact that my body has more limitations than most is Going to bite me in the ass really bad but i feel so fucking antsy and i'm going to keep feeling that way until we're fully moved

please play lonesome road . for me

i can't wait to get the fuck out of herreeeeee but we have to move slow for misc reasons... we'll get there

i'm going to have to fucking Move House while on my period first which is evil. but then i'm free

can't draw can't write solo can't rp with my wife or my friends like i've been wanting to. all i can do is hope once we're settled in the new place it'll come back to me because whaaaat the fuck i'm so sad

i have a couple wips ive been poking at here and there but in general i think the combo life/work stress of the past few months have just totally killed my creative drive outside of designing women in xiv, which is more like building a custom lego set to me in terms of brain usage

i have such an intensive ingrained "do not ask for help ever" neurosis and hitting a breaking point on that and deciding we Should actually ask for help makes me feel really pathetic but it makes me feel better that anyone like. wants to help at all. i love my friends and i love strangers too