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It’s called leadership.
It’s called leadership.
“As New Yorkers cast their ballots today, the current leader in the polls is a four-billion-B.T.U. air-conditioner.”
“As New Yorkers cast their ballots today, the current leader in the polls is a four-billion-B.T.U. air-conditioner.”
“We have no concrete idea what we did, what comes next, or what it means for the globe, but other than that it was a spectacular military success!”
“We have no concrete idea what we did, what comes next, or what it means for the globe, but other than that it was a spectacular military success!”
“Does attending a Bruce Springsteen concert count as political activism now?”
“Does attending a Bruce Springsteen concert count as political activism now?”
“We’re seeing a lot of patients with these symptoms. Have you been normalizing copious amounts of insanity?”
“We’re seeing a lot of patients with these symptoms. Have you been normalizing copious amounts of insanity?”
“I’m ready for the exciting last thirty seconds of the basketball game which stretch into twenty-five minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.”
“I’m ready for the exciting last thirty seconds of the basketball game which stretch into twenty-five minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.”
“And while all the grownups are busy freaking out about the erosion of norms and the rank partisanship that has crippled our democracy, we’ll steal all the candy!”
“And while all the grownups are busy freaking out about the erosion of norms and the rank partisanship that has crippled our democracy, we’ll steal all the candy!”
“Aren’t you excited that it’s finally summer?”
“Aren’t you excited that it’s finally summer?”
“Whaddya call a hundred lawyers suing the government? A good start.”
“Whaddya call a hundred lawyers suing the government? A good start.”
“The protesters seem to be doing some sort of joyful synchronized dance. Is it time to call in the Marines?”
“The protesters seem to be doing some sort of joyful synchronized dance. Is it time to call in the Marines?”
“Don’t worry, there’s been no extensive testing done on this crap.”
“Don’t worry, there’s been no extensive testing done on this crap.”
Two glass jaws go at it.
Two glass jaws go at it.
“He loves me not.”
“He loves me not.”
Batten the hatches, check the gift registry, and don’t forget the DEET!
Batten the hatches, check the gift registry, and don’t forget the DEET!
“I'm just a bill, a big, beautiful bill, la-la-la, you get it, I’m cutting Medicaid.”
“I'm just a bill, a big, beautiful bill, la-la-la, you get it, I’m cutting Medicaid.”
“It buzzes when the President is ready to pardon me.”
“It buzzes when the President is ready to pardon me.”
“None of them thought to thank me when they won during the regular season, so this is as far as they go in the playoffs.”
“None of them thought to thank me when they won during the regular season, so this is as far as they go in the playoffs.”
“That new Knicks player looks eerily like Ben Stiller, Timothée Chalamet, and Spike Lee in a trenchcoat.”
“That new Knicks player looks eerily like Ben Stiller, Timothée Chalamet, and Spike Lee in a trenchcoat.”
“We’re sorry, but the goodbye-party budget was gutted by DOGE.”
“We’re sorry, but the goodbye-party budget was gutted by DOGE.”
“Every time I start to think about the water, Trump comes up with another stupid distraction.”
“Every time I start to think about the water, Trump comes up with another stupid distraction.”
“Is Nathan Fielder in the room with us right now?”
“Is Nathan Fielder in the room with us right now?”
“Sure, baseball is boring, but if you learn how to keep score it’s also math.”
“Sure, baseball is boring, but if you learn how to keep score it’s also math.”
“Do you ever get halfway through a book and suddenly remember you read it on some other beach?”
“Do you ever get halfway through a book and suddenly remember you read it on some other beach?”