I think that just makes me human, the desire to be wanted. To feel needed.

I like when I can wake up to people texting me, it feels like I’m wanted. I don’t normally receive that so it’s always a pleasure when I do. Is it wrong to want that? Is it narcissistic to think that people like me and wish to talk to me? I couldn’t possibly fathom an answer to that question.

I guess I feel lonely? I feel like I’m always the first to message people mostly. Some people do reach out to me first, but I always feel like I’m chasing people to stay in touch. My feiends are busier than me, I understand that much. I wonder if I’ve done something wrong to them to feel this way?

However, as all things are, some aren’t meant to last. It saddens me I can’t turn the clock back and fix my mistakes, tell myself to make smarter choices. If it were that easy, everyone would be the fakest people alive. And the ones that do struggle to fix them would be the only real ones

Like. Fuck man, what am I even doing? I could be working a job right now… if I had the effin’ motivation to even drop the application off