Children need healthy, heteronormative role models like adult men who retreat to “caves” lined with porn and their wives who collect commercialized sentimentality in the form of knickknacks and guzzle wine while whispering “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” while smiling and holding back tears.

Twizzlers: the “candy“ that almost became a toy.

The gentlemen’s club really needs a bike rack.

Landlords : Housing
Scalper : Tickets

Every recorded call I’ve ever been part of has been used for quality and training purposes.

You wanna get stoned??? The thing that killed those two birds???

Be cool, child safety lid. You know it’s me.

For breakfast, I ate instant Mac and cheese with half a leftover hotdog and a strip of bacon and I found in the fridge. Not bad for rock bottom.

I am currently enjoying enrichment time in my enclosure. Please do not tap on glass.

I’m convinced we all died during Covid and we’re all in hell.

I repeat, I am not depressed. I’m reacting appropriately to the world around me.

“The Handmaid’s Tale” has been around long enough to have become reality.

Boil a funny bone and you get laughingstock.

It’s okay, funds. I too am insufficient.

Who, in good conscience, could Build a Bear in this world right now?

Your body may very well be a temple, but mine is an abandoned corner store that’s been taken over by Halloween Sprit.

Anyone else been rotating in bed like a gas station hotdog while having bad dreams lately?

Friday the 13th has lost its pizzazz now that bad shit happens every single day.