Ghost of Norm Macdonald
@normmacdonald.bsky.social
Basketball superstar Michael Jordan has scored a slam dunk with his new men's fragrance, selling one and a half million bottles of Michael Jordan Cologne in the first two months.
No, the scent does not smell like Michael Jordan after a game.
It smells like Patrick Ewing.
No, the scent does not smell like Michael Jordan after a game.
It smells like Patrick Ewing.
September 16, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Basketball superstar Michael Jordan has scored a slam dunk with his new men's fragrance, selling one and a half million bottles of Michael Jordan Cologne in the first two months.
No, the scent does not smell like Michael Jordan after a game.
It smells like Patrick Ewing.
No, the scent does not smell like Michael Jordan after a game.
It smells like Patrick Ewing.
To illustrate the point that their client is running out of money to defend himself, O.J. Simpson's lawyers said this week that if he had to do it over again... after killing his victims, O.J. would now rob them as well.
September 15, 2025 at 9:22 PM
To illustrate the point that their client is running out of money to defend himself, O.J. Simpson's lawyers said this week that if he had to do it over again... after killing his victims, O.J. would now rob them as well.
What comes next, you can't put back in a bottle.
September 10, 2025 at 9:37 PM
What comes next, you can't put back in a bottle.
No one should be celebrating what happened to Charlie Kirk.
Once you normalize political violence against your opponents, nothing is off the table. That’s not the kind of society anyone should want to live in.
And if you think it won’t happen to your side, you’re very naive.
Once you normalize political violence against your opponents, nothing is off the table. That’s not the kind of society anyone should want to live in.
And if you think it won’t happen to your side, you’re very naive.
September 10, 2025 at 8:48 PM
No one should be celebrating what happened to Charlie Kirk.
Once you normalize political violence against your opponents, nothing is off the table. That’s not the kind of society anyone should want to live in.
And if you think it won’t happen to your side, you’re very naive.
Once you normalize political violence against your opponents, nothing is off the table. That’s not the kind of society anyone should want to live in.
And if you think it won’t happen to your side, you’re very naive.
While performing in New York this week to a packed audience, Yoko Ono shocked the crowd by tearing up a Bible.
Most shocking of all?
Yoko Ono performed to a packed audience.
Most shocking of all?
Yoko Ono performed to a packed audience.
September 9, 2025 at 12:47 PM
While performing in New York this week to a packed audience, Yoko Ono shocked the crowd by tearing up a Bible.
Most shocking of all?
Yoko Ono performed to a packed audience.
Most shocking of all?
Yoko Ono performed to a packed audience.
At a rally in California this week, Bob Dole urged voters to ignore polls which have him trailing President Clinton by double digits.
In addition, Dole asked them to ignore newspaper headlines next Wednesday that say "Dole loses in landslide."
In addition, Dole asked them to ignore newspaper headlines next Wednesday that say "Dole loses in landslide."
September 8, 2025 at 10:16 PM
At a rally in California this week, Bob Dole urged voters to ignore polls which have him trailing President Clinton by double digits.
In addition, Dole asked them to ignore newspaper headlines next Wednesday that say "Dole loses in landslide."
In addition, Dole asked them to ignore newspaper headlines next Wednesday that say "Dole loses in landslide."
Due to a change in policy, Amtrak employees will no longer be able to kick homeless people out of Penn Station based on the way they look.
From now on, they will have to go solely on urine stench.
From now on, they will have to go solely on urine stench.
September 7, 2025 at 9:39 PM
Due to a change in policy, Amtrak employees will no longer be able to kick homeless people out of Penn Station based on the way they look.
From now on, they will have to go solely on urine stench.
From now on, they will have to go solely on urine stench.
A Nobel Prize winning scientist has been arrested on charges of sexually abusing a fifteen-year-old boy.
Though the arrest really shouldn't come as a big surprise. His Nobel Prize was in child molesting.
Though the arrest really shouldn't come as a big surprise. His Nobel Prize was in child molesting.
September 6, 2025 at 3:11 PM
A Nobel Prize winning scientist has been arrested on charges of sexually abusing a fifteen-year-old boy.
Though the arrest really shouldn't come as a big surprise. His Nobel Prize was in child molesting.
Though the arrest really shouldn't come as a big surprise. His Nobel Prize was in child molesting.
The Franklin Mint has announced plans to market a Princess Diana porcelain doll. And the timing of the move has made some people very unhappy.
Critics charge that the doll is in poor taste. And they're even more upset about the Franklin Mint's other new offering:
Porcelain land mines.
Critics charge that the doll is in poor taste. And they're even more upset about the Franklin Mint's other new offering:
Porcelain land mines.
September 5, 2025 at 12:41 PM
The Franklin Mint has announced plans to market a Princess Diana porcelain doll. And the timing of the move has made some people very unhappy.
Critics charge that the doll is in poor taste. And they're even more upset about the Franklin Mint's other new offering:
Porcelain land mines.
Critics charge that the doll is in poor taste. And they're even more upset about the Franklin Mint's other new offering:
Porcelain land mines.
In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for telling her she was "too fat to strip."
Police warn that the woman is armed, and extremely fat.
Police warn that the woman is armed, and extremely fat.
September 4, 2025 at 3:01 PM
In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for telling her she was "too fat to strip."
Police warn that the woman is armed, and extremely fat.
Police warn that the woman is armed, and extremely fat.
Last week in Cleveland, the rock group Crosby, Stills & Nash was inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame.
And in addition, a special lifetime achievement award was presented to David Crosby's liver.
Congratulations David Crosby's liver!
And in addition, a special lifetime achievement award was presented to David Crosby's liver.
Congratulations David Crosby's liver!
September 3, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Last week in Cleveland, the rock group Crosby, Stills & Nash was inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame.
And in addition, a special lifetime achievement award was presented to David Crosby's liver.
Congratulations David Crosby's liver!
And in addition, a special lifetime achievement award was presented to David Crosby's liver.
Congratulations David Crosby's liver!
At a press conference this week, Washington mayor Marion Barry said he wants private businesses to provide five thousand summer jobs for a district youth program.
He also wants some crack.
He also wants some crack.
September 3, 2025 at 7:05 PM
At a press conference this week, Washington mayor Marion Barry said he wants private businesses to provide five thousand summer jobs for a district youth program.
He also wants some crack.
He also wants some crack.
Last week in Colorado, seventy-one guns were traded for Denver Nuggets basketball tickets, in a program called "Operation Cease Fire."
However, in a sad example of just how tough it is to stop the violence, earlier today, two people were stabbed to death.
With Denver Nuggets tickets.
However, in a sad example of just how tough it is to stop the violence, earlier today, two people were stabbed to death.
With Denver Nuggets tickets.
September 3, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Last week in Colorado, seventy-one guns were traded for Denver Nuggets basketball tickets, in a program called "Operation Cease Fire."
However, in a sad example of just how tough it is to stop the violence, earlier today, two people were stabbed to death.
With Denver Nuggets tickets.
However, in a sad example of just how tough it is to stop the violence, earlier today, two people were stabbed to death.
With Denver Nuggets tickets.
In business news, American Express has announced plans to lay off three thousand workers.
According to the company, employees will be notified of the layoffs with pink slips reading, simply, "Don't leave home."
According to the company, employees will be notified of the layoffs with pink slips reading, simply, "Don't leave home."
September 2, 2025 at 12:47 PM
In business news, American Express has announced plans to lay off three thousand workers.
According to the company, employees will be notified of the layoffs with pink slips reading, simply, "Don't leave home."
According to the company, employees will be notified of the layoffs with pink slips reading, simply, "Don't leave home."
The 1997 "Most Dangerous Jobs in America" is out. And this year, a little bit of a change.
Last year's number one, West Coast Rap Star, has been knocked out of the top spot. By the NEW most dangerous job in America:
East Coast Rap Star.
Last year's number one, West Coast Rap Star, has been knocked out of the top spot. By the NEW most dangerous job in America:
East Coast Rap Star.
September 2, 2025 at 12:46 PM
The 1997 "Most Dangerous Jobs in America" is out. And this year, a little bit of a change.
Last year's number one, West Coast Rap Star, has been knocked out of the top spot. By the NEW most dangerous job in America:
East Coast Rap Star.
Last year's number one, West Coast Rap Star, has been knocked out of the top spot. By the NEW most dangerous job in America:
East Coast Rap Star.
Real estate mogul Donald Trump announced this week that after three and a half years of marriage, he is seeking a divorce from wife Marla Maples.
According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn thirty.
According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn thirty.
September 2, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Real estate mogul Donald Trump announced this week that after three and a half years of marriage, he is seeking a divorce from wife Marla Maples.
According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn thirty.
According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn thirty.
O.J. Simpson had been discussing marriage with girlfriend Paula Barbieri, but reportedly she has called the wedding off.
Her fear was that if they married, she would be brutally murdered.
And then... someone would try to pin it on O.J.!
Her fear was that if they married, she would be brutally murdered.
And then... someone would try to pin it on O.J.!
September 1, 2025 at 5:51 PM
O.J. Simpson had been discussing marriage with girlfriend Paula Barbieri, but reportedly she has called the wedding off.
Her fear was that if they married, she would be brutally murdered.
And then... someone would try to pin it on O.J.!
Her fear was that if they married, she would be brutally murdered.
And then... someone would try to pin it on O.J.!
President Clinton toured flood-damaged sections of the Pacific Northwest this week, and promised that every flood victim will receive meals, blankets, and pup tents.
Meanwhile, millionaire Steven Forbes promised every flood victim a case of champagne and a rare Austrian music box.
Meanwhile, millionaire Steven Forbes promised every flood victim a case of champagne and a rare Austrian music box.
September 1, 2025 at 5:43 PM
President Clinton toured flood-damaged sections of the Pacific Northwest this week, and promised that every flood victim will receive meals, blankets, and pup tents.
Meanwhile, millionaire Steven Forbes promised every flood victim a case of champagne and a rare Austrian music box.
Meanwhile, millionaire Steven Forbes promised every flood victim a case of champagne and a rare Austrian music box.
Our top story tonight... with growing indications the first lady, Hillary Clinton, may be indicted for her role in Whitewater, President Clinton is reportedly starting to prepare for that possibility.
Plans so far include renting a hall, hiring a band, and making a giant bathtub with margaritas.
Plans so far include renting a hall, hiring a band, and making a giant bathtub with margaritas.
August 30, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Our top story tonight... with growing indications the first lady, Hillary Clinton, may be indicted for her role in Whitewater, President Clinton is reportedly starting to prepare for that possibility.
Plans so far include renting a hall, hiring a band, and making a giant bathtub with margaritas.
Plans so far include renting a hall, hiring a band, and making a giant bathtub with margaritas.
A study says that pot use in high school is up sharply.
Don't I know it. Ohhhhh yeahhhhh.
Don't I know it. Ohhhhh yeahhhhh.
August 30, 2025 at 7:36 PM
A study says that pot use in high school is up sharply.
Don't I know it. Ohhhhh yeahhhhh.
Don't I know it. Ohhhhh yeahhhhh.
Well, for the second week in a row, Richard Gere's new film "Primal Fear" was number one at the box office.
Leaving many Hollywood insiders to wonder, "Hey, uh, you think that gerbil story is true?"
Leaving many Hollywood insiders to wonder, "Hey, uh, you think that gerbil story is true?"
August 29, 2025 at 12:27 PM
Well, for the second week in a row, Richard Gere's new film "Primal Fear" was number one at the box office.
Leaving many Hollywood insiders to wonder, "Hey, uh, you think that gerbil story is true?"
Leaving many Hollywood insiders to wonder, "Hey, uh, you think that gerbil story is true?"
Texas millionaire J. Howard Marshall may have died two months ago, but as we see here, he and wife Anna Nicole Smith can still enjoy a romantic evening at home.
August 28, 2025 at 9:27 PM
Texas millionaire J. Howard Marshall may have died two months ago, but as we see here, he and wife Anna Nicole Smith can still enjoy a romantic evening at home.
Three of Hollywood's most powerful men - David Geffen, Steven Spielberg, and Jeffrey Katzenberg - joined forces last week to form their own movie studio.
When asked what sort of films we can expect from them, the trio replied, "Mostly pornos."
When asked what sort of films we can expect from them, the trio replied, "Mostly pornos."
August 27, 2025 at 9:12 PM
Three of Hollywood's most powerful men - David Geffen, Steven Spielberg, and Jeffrey Katzenberg - joined forces last week to form their own movie studio.
When asked what sort of films we can expect from them, the trio replied, "Mostly pornos."
When asked what sort of films we can expect from them, the trio replied, "Mostly pornos."
In an effort to raise money for his enormous legal bills, O.J. Simpson this week began marketing a video which attempts to prove his innocence.
Should the tape not sell, Simpson has a backup idea: His very own video of the actual murders themselves!
Should the tape not sell, Simpson has a backup idea: His very own video of the actual murders themselves!
August 27, 2025 at 9:04 PM
In an effort to raise money for his enormous legal bills, O.J. Simpson this week began marketing a video which attempts to prove his innocence.
Should the tape not sell, Simpson has a backup idea: His very own video of the actual murders themselves!
Should the tape not sell, Simpson has a backup idea: His very own video of the actual murders themselves!
Jimmy Carter has written a collection of poetry.
It includes his latest poem, entitled "Ode to a country full of stupid, ungrateful bastards."
It includes his latest poem, entitled "Ode to a country full of stupid, ungrateful bastards."
August 27, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Jimmy Carter has written a collection of poetry.
It includes his latest poem, entitled "Ode to a country full of stupid, ungrateful bastards."
It includes his latest poem, entitled "Ode to a country full of stupid, ungrateful bastards."