Ok, new plan to kickstart my career in academia: I'm gonna figure out what the most commonly generated fake citations are and write papers with those titles. Tons of citations for free!

It does feel kinda surprising though, like this is hardly the first time he's come for a generally well-liked celebrity? Maybe (hopefully) a sign of his waning popularity that people who used to give him a pass on shit like this are suddenly noticing how gross it is.

IMO the primary purpose of human existence is to secure your basic needs so that you have more free time for dicking around.

At what point does it become legal for the city to just repossess these? Like if they're allowed to sweep homeless camps and throw everybody's shit in the trash, surely they could scoop up all these bikes?

That's why we had to drive them to extinction. Didn't need the competition.

I hope everyone enjoys my new work of political allegory, Vegatable Farm. The potatoes are the proletariat and the pumpkin is Stalin.

I thought the Darwin awards shit was hilarious when I was 15 and now it just feels super gross. Is this maturity? Am I an adult now?

See, I'm going the other way on this one. I'm not entirely sure that democrats have free will. Feels like we might have a whole party of p-zombies on our hands here.

Being Canadian in a majority-immigrant workplace is funny because sometimes I'll say something and an American coworker will say, "oop, heard a bit of a Canadian accent there," and then the Indian and Chinese guys are like, "what the fuck are you talking about you all sound exactly the same".

As an average American, I am always eating raw meat. This isn't for ideological reasons, I just never learned how to cook properly. My burgers are black on the outside and bright red on the inside, as god intended.

My local activist friends have been trying to get the Los Angeles Olympics canceled for like a decade. They now have a powerful ally in Donald Trump.

I was at the zoo with my toddler the other day and he was completely uninterested in the monkeys until one of them started playing with at stick, at which point he immediately pointed at it and started laughing. A moment of instinctive recognition.

H2G2 has gotta be top ten in "books I read as a kid that explain why I am the way I am".

One of my favourite pictures of my kid is the first time we got him to sit in my big comfy armchair. It made him look so mature!

He told me this with a giant bandage on his head because he sliced it open while crawling around in the crawlspace under the building trying (and failing) to fix a leaky pipe. Points for effort, I guess.

I lived for like a decade in a six-unit building owned by a retired guy who lived in the unit below me. He was chill, but did all the maintenance himself, which became problematic as he got older. Stuff would be broken for ages and he wouldn't call a plumber because "they all rip you off", etc.