I carried around the photo for awhile, I still do. I may transition to Spock, as it feels like a change in my mental health progress.

I was trying to experience a maternal connection in places I felt safe, I think. I usually have a deeper ability to access emotions in and around water, it's a place to process.

@mycousinselek.bsky.social floatation device found!

Trying not to actively lose him IN the rivers I paddle in. I usually carry a framed Dolly Parton photo around, as part of a personal experiment.

Maybe I could make like a PFD for him.

The #innercritic is more than just the voice of a cruel father or an absent mother, it's more than every childhood bully, it's a trained version of me, a clone. It's a stand in for those that came before, that are now absent, stepping in to be the perfect brutalizer. #mentalhealth

Speaking of the #innercritic, it is always there. A millstone of rhetorical venom, hellbent on grinding my mind to dust. It tells me horrible things about myself & others, it knows all my failures and weaknesses, it's the perfect duplicate of my internal analytical cynic. #mentalhealth

I'm not really sure what I need or want; moments of being present happen time to time, mostly on water. #kayaking has been a boon to my #mentalhealth, something about the moving water & the physical exertion involved keeps that brutal #innercritic at bay long enough where I can relax in peace.

A fellow #instructor joins me and we corral the two boats/swimmers, get them in their #kayak and send them on their way just in time for a grinning photo op as they pass a photographer in the brush

#rescue #instruction #safety