@omgitsdave.bsky.social
A magician was walking down the street. Then he turned into a grocery store.
February 25, 2024 at 2:08 AM
A magician was walking down the street. Then he turned into a grocery store.
My wife said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.”
I replied, “No it doesn’t.”
I replied, “No it doesn’t.”
February 25, 2024 at 1:08 AM
My wife said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.”
I replied, “No it doesn’t.”
I replied, “No it doesn’t.”
Three guys walked into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
February 25, 2024 at 12:00 AM
Three guys walked into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
I got a universal remote and thought, "This changes everything!"
February 24, 2024 at 10:58 PM
I got a universal remote and thought, "This changes everything!"
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps.
I am slowly getting over it.
I am slowly getting over it.
February 24, 2024 at 9:32 PM
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps.
I am slowly getting over it.
I am slowly getting over it.
If a child doesn't want to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
February 24, 2024 at 8:32 PM
If a child doesn't want to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.
February 24, 2024 at 7:34 PM
Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.
I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.
February 24, 2024 at 4:18 AM
I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.
The difference between an alligator and a crocodile is whether you see it later or after a while.
February 24, 2024 at 3:06 AM
The difference between an alligator and a crocodile is whether you see it later or after a while.
I took up origami for a while, but I gave it up because it was too much paperwork.
February 24, 2024 at 2:07 AM
I took up origami for a while, but I gave it up because it was too much paperwork.
To be Frank... I'd have to change my name.
February 24, 2024 at 12:46 AM
To be Frank... I'd have to change my name.
Why do scuba drivers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.
February 23, 2024 at 11:32 PM
Why do scuba drivers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.
Me, at the restaurant: I'll have bacon and eggs, please.
Waiter: How do you like your eggs?
Me: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!
Waiter: How do you like your eggs?
Me: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!
February 23, 2024 at 10:47 PM
Me, at the restaurant: I'll have bacon and eggs, please.
Waiter: How do you like your eggs?
Me: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!
Waiter: How do you like your eggs?
Me: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!
Jokes about AI are too easy.
They write themselves.
They write themselves.
February 23, 2024 at 9:58 PM
Jokes about AI are too easy.
They write themselves.
They write themselves.
I just ran into Cathy at the store.
I didn't watch where I was going.
I didn't watch where I was going.
February 23, 2024 at 8:56 PM
I just ran into Cathy at the store.
I didn't watch where I was going.
I didn't watch where I was going.
I gave away all my dead batteries, free of charge.
February 23, 2024 at 8:00 PM
I gave away all my dead batteries, free of charge.
I don't drink anymore
...or any less.
...or any less.
February 23, 2024 at 6:03 PM
I don't drink anymore
...or any less.
...or any less.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.
February 23, 2024 at 5:03 PM
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.
I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
February 23, 2024 at 4:08 PM
I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something.
They're always up to something.
February 23, 2024 at 5:06 AM
I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something.
They're always up to something.
*puts car in reverse*
Ah, this takes me back.
Ah, this takes me back.
February 23, 2024 at 3:18 AM
*puts car in reverse*
Ah, this takes me back.
Ah, this takes me back.