I'm realizing that, all frightening as it may look, this thought process is very flawed. It ignores the possibility that my existence is predetermined instead of random, for example. So I guess I can sleep in peace.

Just a little piece of existential dread, from my brain after midnight to you. With love!

for the boys

Hey thanks for the tip! There also seem to be an issue with some Linux kernels in conjunction with AMD GPUs, but no one found a solution online -it's been debated since april of last year. If it happens again I'll update the bios!

All of this is because feminism failed us by staying stuck wondering if trans women should be included or not. Consequently, we didn't benefit from the changes cis feminists successfully fought for. We're still stuck in the fringes of society. We're the perfect scapegoats...

I know all of that is not the fault of trans women. It's an external pressure that is putting us in this infernal situation.

Maybe this crashout is part of the internalized transphobia still haunting me. But am I wrong to be annoyed and to want more? I just want a very ordinary life. I want to be seen as an ordinary woman, and as vanilla as it gets, but not entirely desexualized. I want my sexuality to be fully mine!

And trans women just accepting this reality, conforming to one of these identities, even if it comes from a place of defiance and/or survival, deeply annoy me, because I feel like it puts myself in the posture of choosing between one or the other. I want to escape from this!