I just really want to cry my heart out. Everything feels so heavy. I feel so lost. I really don’t know anymore.

Caffeine used to have an effect on me and does its job well. Now, I’m at the point of my life where I can fall asleep almost immediately after drinking a cup of black coffee.

Will I ever recover from this burnout?

I have been in a slump for months. My thoughts are at their worst at night or when I’m in the shower. But all I am sure of is that I am unhappy, with the path (erm, career) I’ve chosen.

Life is so bleak. Or maybe it is the capitalistic society that we live in who is to be blamed for all this madness. And that work you’d do overtime for? They don’t care about you; you are replaceable. At the end of the day, none of this matters.

Been plagued by thoughts of: how meaningless living is. Working 5x/week, too tired to even go out on weekends (well, most of the time), then repeat until you die. Just the thought of living this way is enough to exhaust me mentally.

Devastating for scientists and their research, and everyone who benefits from that research.

I’m not sure if everyone outside academia is aware that a delay or “pause” in grant funding often means the researchers themselves are lost from the field, along with their expertise.

It seems like it is safe to say that this exhaustion I have been suffering for months now is… burnout. Even caffeine is not enough to compensate for this lack of energy and motivation.

I have been struggling to find motivation for the past months. I would sit in front of my laptop and just try to churn something out of my dang fried and tired brain, but nada. There is probably something wrong deep within me… mentally. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m screwed, that’s just it.

Even after 5hrs of sleep, I still feel so tired…?

Overwhelmed and over-caffeinated.

So exhausted! I really just want to be done with this and move on with my life.