i dont want to feel broken anymore cos im not

i feel empty im tired of chasing pointless lust i dont wamt this anymorr

math is so fun to me there is so much to learn id love to for time to just stop and let me learn everything about it

i want to push myself and study a lot and learn about computer science i want to immerse myself into art make songs and albums im so tired of feeling life inside of a shell im tired im tired im tired of staying in the same place i yearn to push myseklf further and further

i want to make art i want to feel alive i do not want to feel like a hollow shell anymore i hate this let it go away wrap all my pointless desires and throw it away in the ocean till it melts away and i live to see the day where i feel i am breathing

im super pissed im struggling so much to fix my sleep there is so much i want to do yet i keep repeating these "self destructive patterns" that affevt almosy every single aspect of my life i feel drained but i know im capable of something so much more

i hope that i go iut my aay to talk to ppl this year and present myself morr authenticalyl its so hard not having it all figured ojt bht i think i woll be alright

bruh i like studying but i feel like i need a road map when i do it like i need to have like clear goals because i keep going at it raw dogged and i keep getting distracted right away i keep on struggling ro focus on one thinf and just get overhwelmed everything i do is so spontaneus

having a pen pal would probably be fun because of how u need tp think abt what to walk about specifcally and what to you want tell them which basically makes the exchange/conversatiom (idk lol) much more meaninfgul and filled with intention than mindless spitting out words

finding a goldmine of angst/sasharcy centric fanfics is the best feeling in the worlf

If I were going to describe my entire year in one word it would be acceptance. I've learned that you'll never really expect what will happen next and that everything is just so random. And that the best thing to do about it is to just always have an open mind and learn to process whatever it is.