i shared my hopes and dreams with you

i can't wrap my head around how you could take the garden i have grown,

the flowers i planted beside you,

and poison them all

I once believed
you were the healthiest relationship I'd ever had
now I wonder
what that says
about me

A new favorite thing to do
is watch the different responses I get
in the way I mention you.
If I say anything bad you have done
I'm asked why I haven't left yet
but if I mention nothing at all beyond your bare existence
they wonder why we aren't married

"I love you" you tell me
again and again
I believe you
but I think
it means something different to you
than it does to me
because to me
love should never hurt like this

Sometimes I wonder if you still think about me
Not because I want you back, no,
but because I wonder if you'd care if I died
I tried to, after you, and you didn't seem to care much then
so I don't know why I wonder about it now