I once convinced someone learning English that envelope and antelope were both pronounced in the same manner as “Penelope”

In a trial in NZ, Hindi was the defendant’s first language. A recording from a police bug in his home was played in evidence and was interpreted to the court. One incriminating statement was made during an intimate event, the end of which was translated as “I’m arriving, I’m arriving, I’m arriving…”

Bags “Hydrazine Thruster” as my porno name.

There is a popular flavour of ice cream in New Zealand called Hokey Pokey which is vanilla with lumps of toffee in it. You could probably choke on that if you put your mind to it.

I watched a movie last night in which the North Pole got a sunrise on Christmas Day…🤷‍♂️

I think we’re salmon and ham, too. Not my department though.

Is salmon overtaking the leg of lamb as NZ’s traditional Xmas fare?

Tomorrow will be my 4th family Xmas meal of the season and I’m yet to lay eyes on a turkey.

Clusterfuck munitions

If you’re wondering whether or not to sleep with someone, then you’re in a prevaricationship

Yo @publicaddress.bsky.social put your bins out, bro.

For my birthday this year I got Duck Fat In A Spray Can. American, of course, but handy all the same.

They just showed his wagon-wheel for 72 deliveries. Mark Richardson observed “Well all three singles are in front of square so he’s hitting it well” 🤣

First to do it in all First Class cricket, I believe.

“Per my last clay tablet…”😂

Because then a shop, a fucking *shop*, would once again be front page news in New Zealand for a week and the Prime Minister would open it and there’d be a traffic management plan and oh my word the cringe of it all.

Ooh, if it’s helpful, I’ve got a full set of fully detailed scorecards for every women’s test involving New Zealand since September 2004. I’ll just paste them all below.

Try putting it on the playlist instead of the original at your next seasonal gathering and watch the reactions