Makaela/Vuota
@paranoidsamoyed.bsky.social
Person with mental illness (OCD/MDD/AuDHD + not medicated)
Vent account for thoughts and journaling.
View with caution: Will have episodes and discuss heavy topics.
I do not promote anything mentioned on this page.
Main: @sciampth.bsky.social
Vent account for thoughts and journaling.
View with caution: Will have episodes and discuss heavy topics.
I do not promote anything mentioned on this page.
Main: @sciampth.bsky.social
Pinned
⚠︎ Profile warning! ⚠︎
Will contain themes of mental illness and other topics. This account is centered around my personal thoughts, journaling and drawings.
Be respectful. Do not aestheticize my art and journaling. Thank you for understanding ♥️
Will contain themes of mental illness and other topics. This account is centered around my personal thoughts, journaling and drawings.
Be respectful. Do not aestheticize my art and journaling. Thank you for understanding ♥️
Plans for this year in a nutshell. Try and manage my mental health, recover from a burning 🌽 addition and lastly... stop self depricating.
January 1, 2026 at 7:09 AM
Plans for this year in a nutshell. Try and manage my mental health, recover from a burning 🌽 addition and lastly... stop self depricating.
I didn't ask to have a uterus, I didn't ask to have the pain. I hate it.
December 28, 2025 at 12:07 AM
I didn't ask to have a uterus, I didn't ask to have the pain. I hate it.
(TW: self hatred)
I love self depricating. I love when I only recognize myself by the mistakes I made, how much of a failure I am to society and don't see anything positive about myself. I love self depricating.
I love self depricating. I love when I only recognize myself by the mistakes I made, how much of a failure I am to society and don't see anything positive about myself. I love self depricating.
December 27, 2025 at 9:59 PM
(TW: self hatred)
I love self depricating. I love when I only recognize myself by the mistakes I made, how much of a failure I am to society and don't see anything positive about myself. I love self depricating.
I love self depricating. I love when I only recognize myself by the mistakes I made, how much of a failure I am to society and don't see anything positive about myself. I love self depricating.
(Tw: depressive thoughts, self hatred)
Did I have to come here already flawed? Did I have to come here to be punished with the flaws I have? Did I have to come here to be tormented?
It's not fair.
Did I have to come here already flawed? Did I have to come here to be punished with the flaws I have? Did I have to come here to be tormented?
It's not fair.
December 19, 2025 at 6:28 AM
(Tw: depressive thoughts, self hatred)
Did I have to come here already flawed? Did I have to come here to be punished with the flaws I have? Did I have to come here to be tormented?
It's not fair.
Did I have to come here already flawed? Did I have to come here to be punished with the flaws I have? Did I have to come here to be tormented?
It's not fair.
Listening to this song and as of late, being certain to have BPD, this song is essentially what having BPD sounds and feels like
youtu.be/9-5IIx4R6E8?...
youtu.be/9-5IIx4R6E8?...
Nine Inch Nails - Closer
YouTube video by TW1ST3D2K13
youtu.be
December 13, 2025 at 11:54 PM
Listening to this song and as of late, being certain to have BPD, this song is essentially what having BPD sounds and feels like
youtu.be/9-5IIx4R6E8?...
youtu.be/9-5IIx4R6E8?...
(TW: Mentions of depression and hopelessness)
Made this during hiatus. I swear feeling like this is not good. It sucks horribly it's just torture. I want to feel better...
Made this during hiatus. I swear feeling like this is not good. It sucks horribly it's just torture. I want to feel better...
December 3, 2025 at 4:54 AM
(TW: Mentions of depression and hopelessness)
Made this during hiatus. I swear feeling like this is not good. It sucks horribly it's just torture. I want to feel better...
Made this during hiatus. I swear feeling like this is not good. It sucks horribly it's just torture. I want to feel better...
(Vent: implied depression)
21... I did not think I'd get this far... but here I am.
21... I did not think I'd get this far... but here I am.
December 2, 2025 at 5:25 PM
(Vent: implied depression)
21... I did not think I'd get this far... but here I am.
21... I did not think I'd get this far... but here I am.
(Mention of extreme anxiety)
I didn't think I'd get a horrible anxiety attack at work where I would experience tunnel vision, feeling unable to breathe, feeling like I am going to pass out and have my whole body feel almost numb and weak... what a day.
I didn't think I'd get a horrible anxiety attack at work where I would experience tunnel vision, feeling unable to breathe, feeling like I am going to pass out and have my whole body feel almost numb and weak... what a day.
September 18, 2025 at 2:02 AM
(Mention of extreme anxiety)
I didn't think I'd get a horrible anxiety attack at work where I would experience tunnel vision, feeling unable to breathe, feeling like I am going to pass out and have my whole body feel almost numb and weak... what a day.
I didn't think I'd get a horrible anxiety attack at work where I would experience tunnel vision, feeling unable to breathe, feeling like I am going to pass out and have my whole body feel almost numb and weak... what a day.
(TW: Depression, verbal ab*se)
Had a major depressive episode at work... just the type of stuff that floods my mind at any waking moment. I just want to get better, not worse.
(Extended caption in alt.)
Had a major depressive episode at work... just the type of stuff that floods my mind at any waking moment. I just want to get better, not worse.
(Extended caption in alt.)
August 19, 2025 at 10:55 PM
(TW: Depression, verbal ab*se)
Had a major depressive episode at work... just the type of stuff that floods my mind at any waking moment. I just want to get better, not worse.
(Extended caption in alt.)
Had a major depressive episode at work... just the type of stuff that floods my mind at any waking moment. I just want to get better, not worse.
(Extended caption in alt.)
First comes having depressive episodes, then lacking sleep, then back to feeling depressive all over again.
July 14, 2025 at 12:16 AM
First comes having depressive episodes, then lacking sleep, then back to feeling depressive all over again.
Sure, stuff happens, but am I at fault for what chaos has been happening day by day?
June 25, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Sure, stuff happens, but am I at fault for what chaos has been happening day by day?
Always feeling on edge. Brain feels rattled with visceral thoughts. Heart feels hollow.
Why do I always have to feel scared? It's not fair.
Why do I always have to feel scared? It's not fair.
June 16, 2025 at 4:12 AM
Always feeling on edge. Brain feels rattled with visceral thoughts. Heart feels hollow.
Why do I always have to feel scared? It's not fair.
Why do I always have to feel scared? It's not fair.
(TW: Extreme mental illness, fear of death)
My mind can't stop running. Every single worrying thought comes and hits me faster than a train. I'm afraid to die at any given moment, whether it's an illness or an accident. My mind can't stop running.
My mind can't stop running. Every single worrying thought comes and hits me faster than a train. I'm afraid to die at any given moment, whether it's an illness or an accident. My mind can't stop running.
March 21, 2025 at 2:10 AM
(TW: Extreme mental illness, fear of death)
My mind can't stop running. Every single worrying thought comes and hits me faster than a train. I'm afraid to die at any given moment, whether it's an illness or an accident. My mind can't stop running.
My mind can't stop running. Every single worrying thought comes and hits me faster than a train. I'm afraid to die at any given moment, whether it's an illness or an accident. My mind can't stop running.
TW: Organ horror, mention of extreme depression
I had been feeling empty lately, but today has gotten worse... I had a wave of emptiness come in at work.
This was drawn while at work.
I had been feeling empty lately, but today has gotten worse... I had a wave of emptiness come in at work.
This was drawn while at work.
March 6, 2025 at 2:26 AM
TW: Organ horror, mention of extreme depression
I had been feeling empty lately, but today has gotten worse... I had a wave of emptiness come in at work.
This was drawn while at work.
I had been feeling empty lately, but today has gotten worse... I had a wave of emptiness come in at work.
This was drawn while at work.
⚠︎ Profile warning! ⚠︎
Will contain themes of mental illness and other topics. This account is centered around my personal thoughts, journaling and drawings.
Be respectful. Do not aestheticize my art and journaling. Thank you for understanding ♥️
Will contain themes of mental illness and other topics. This account is centered around my personal thoughts, journaling and drawings.
Be respectful. Do not aestheticize my art and journaling. Thank you for understanding ♥️
February 26, 2025 at 11:46 PM
⚠︎ Profile warning! ⚠︎
Will contain themes of mental illness and other topics. This account is centered around my personal thoughts, journaling and drawings.
Be respectful. Do not aestheticize my art and journaling. Thank you for understanding ♥️
Will contain themes of mental illness and other topics. This account is centered around my personal thoughts, journaling and drawings.
Be respectful. Do not aestheticize my art and journaling. Thank you for understanding ♥️
Been having this migraine since yesterday, it is pounding like absolute hell.
February 17, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Been having this migraine since yesterday, it is pounding like absolute hell.
I fell in and out of dissociation at work yesterday, what a vicious cycle it can be.
February 15, 2025 at 8:31 PM
I fell in and out of dissociation at work yesterday, what a vicious cycle it can be.
TW: Eye strain, intrusive thoughts
I am sick at the moment and one of the worst things about being me is being a hypochondriac. I let my mind wander into very disturbing thoughts and conjure up stuff that one may consider outlandish. It sucks.
I am sick at the moment and one of the worst things about being me is being a hypochondriac. I let my mind wander into very disturbing thoughts and conjure up stuff that one may consider outlandish. It sucks.
February 8, 2025 at 3:51 AM
TW: Eye strain, intrusive thoughts
I am sick at the moment and one of the worst things about being me is being a hypochondriac. I let my mind wander into very disturbing thoughts and conjure up stuff that one may consider outlandish. It sucks.
I am sick at the moment and one of the worst things about being me is being a hypochondriac. I let my mind wander into very disturbing thoughts and conjure up stuff that one may consider outlandish. It sucks.