King Priam of Troy: We’d be stupid to turn down the offer of a free, very expensive horse from the Greeks.

I want cheaper eggs. Not cheaper tickets to see Kidd Rock.

I use to never check to see if my eggs were cracked. Now I look over them with a diamond loop. 

Divide and conquer, rinse and repeat.

We get it. You failed art history in school. You don’t have to proudly proclaim it on social media.

I prefer DEI to NZI!

I wish Billie Jean would have taken Michael Jackson on Maury.

I think Trump kind of missed an opportunity in presenting the Gulf of America. If we’re renaming things in late-stage capitalism it needs to be paid for by a brand. I’m down with the Gulf of Shell oil. Or the Gulf of Google. Or the Gulf of Chiquita banana.

The real fight was Netflix trying to not buffer.

My Netflix more frozen than an open Klondike bar that’s been in the back of the freezer for 14 months.