@philcolson.bsky.social
Pinned
I haven’t found a single sauce at Bath & Body Works that doesn’t taste TERRIBLE.
“Perishable” is way too intense of a word for something a banana does.
December 19, 2025 at 3:35 PM
“Perishable” is way too intense of a word for something a banana does.
Is that your dog?
No, my son is just very ugly
No, my son is just very ugly
November 25, 2025 at 3:11 AM
Is that your dog?
No, my son is just very ugly
No, my son is just very ugly
First time I heard the name, my fat ass heard “cake pop demon hunters”
October 31, 2025 at 4:07 PM
First time I heard the name, my fat ass heard “cake pop demon hunters”
[chess tournament, playing black]
Opponent plays 1. e4
I spend 9:58 seconds deep in though, then smirk-
e5
2. Nf3
My time runs out
“DANG IT”
Opponent plays 1. e4
I spend 9:58 seconds deep in though, then smirk-
e5
2. Nf3
My time runs out
“DANG IT”
October 29, 2025 at 10:15 PM
[chess tournament, playing black]
Opponent plays 1. e4
I spend 9:58 seconds deep in though, then smirk-
e5
2. Nf3
My time runs out
“DANG IT”
Opponent plays 1. e4
I spend 9:58 seconds deep in though, then smirk-
e5
2. Nf3
My time runs out
“DANG IT”
I bring a “didn’t understand the assignment” energy that some teachers just can’t handle
October 7, 2025 at 2:51 AM
I bring a “didn’t understand the assignment” energy that some teachers just can’t handle
Once I figured out which side the door opened from, the whole process got way easier
September 30, 2025 at 3:51 PM
Once I figured out which side the door opened from, the whole process got way easier
Comedy is good for the humors
September 30, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Comedy is good for the humors
The word “Crunch” is all purpose. If it makes the sound, you can say “Crunch”.
If (and only if) it is being eaten, you may replace the word with “Munch” (mouth + crunch).
If (and only if) it is being eaten, you may replace the word with “Munch” (mouth + crunch).
April 22, 2025 at 1:18 AM
The word “Crunch” is all purpose. If it makes the sound, you can say “Crunch”.
If (and only if) it is being eaten, you may replace the word with “Munch” (mouth + crunch).
If (and only if) it is being eaten, you may replace the word with “Munch” (mouth + crunch).
I like that they added the flags you need to navigate around in skiing. Before that I imagine the outcome didn’t really rely on you staying on your skis vs. just tripping and tumbling down the hill
April 15, 2025 at 3:20 PM
I like that they added the flags you need to navigate around in skiing. Before that I imagine the outcome didn’t really rely on you staying on your skis vs. just tripping and tumbling down the hill
For some reason, I feel like whoever came up with Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the hill over and over had a kid and a messy family room
April 7, 2025 at 6:29 PM
For some reason, I feel like whoever came up with Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the hill over and over had a kid and a messy family room
@philsalv.bsky.social what dpi should I use to scan in old magazine ads?
April 5, 2025 at 11:14 PM
@philsalv.bsky.social what dpi should I use to scan in old magazine ads?
You cannot defeat me faster than I can give up.
March 17, 2025 at 7:46 PM
You cannot defeat me faster than I can give up.
chasing The Hulk down the streets on Manhattan yelling “IT’S A SECONDARY EMOTION!”
January 26, 2025 at 5:15 AM
chasing The Hulk down the streets on Manhattan yelling “IT’S A SECONDARY EMOTION!”
Makes sense the kid is called Ryder on Paw Patrol. ‘Riding’ on those pups’ coat tails, more like it.
January 3, 2025 at 3:11 AM
Makes sense the kid is called Ryder on Paw Patrol. ‘Riding’ on those pups’ coat tails, more like it.
Going into an Escape Room. Panicking and shrieking for 60 minutes. They open the door at the end. “Aw dang! Maybe next time!”
January 1, 2025 at 2:37 PM
Going into an Escape Room. Panicking and shrieking for 60 minutes. They open the door at the end. “Aw dang! Maybe next time!”
Pessimist Vampire [sucking blood]: “ew, B+”
December 20, 2024 at 9:29 PM
Pessimist Vampire [sucking blood]: “ew, B+”
What is the metric for cantaloupes? I instinctively reached for “ball of cantaloupe” but that feels incorrect
December 9, 2024 at 10:49 PM
What is the metric for cantaloupes? I instinctively reached for “ball of cantaloupe” but that feels incorrect
Arguing with the tour guide because I swear I heard that wasn’t true once
December 7, 2024 at 12:55 AM
Arguing with the tour guide because I swear I heard that wasn’t true once
There was no more room at the Inn. They had to stay at the Outt
December 6, 2024 at 10:47 PM
There was no more room at the Inn. They had to stay at the Outt
The only problem with green bean casserole is who gets top billing. The stuff is delicious, but I avoided it because who SEEKS OUT green beans?
November 29, 2024 at 5:29 PM
The only problem with green bean casserole is who gets top billing. The stuff is delicious, but I avoided it because who SEEKS OUT green beans?
401k Pro-tip: you can improve your retirement readiness by telling the calculator you will die sooner
November 27, 2024 at 5:55 PM
401k Pro-tip: you can improve your retirement readiness by telling the calculator you will die sooner
Was Dr. Disrespect the taxi driver in the Red Hot Chili Peppers music video for “By The Way”
November 26, 2024 at 7:22 PM
Was Dr. Disrespect the taxi driver in the Red Hot Chili Peppers music video for “By The Way”
Five year olds are so frustrating.
“This is exactly the chicken you said you liked yesterday.”
Father, I would sooner walk directly into the ocean and perish than even look at this food.
“This is exactly the chicken you said you liked yesterday.”
Father, I would sooner walk directly into the ocean and perish than even look at this food.
November 25, 2024 at 6:39 PM
Five year olds are so frustrating.
“This is exactly the chicken you said you liked yesterday.”
Father, I would sooner walk directly into the ocean and perish than even look at this food.
“This is exactly the chicken you said you liked yesterday.”
Father, I would sooner walk directly into the ocean and perish than even look at this food.
You spend your 20’s saying “my parents were suckers for paying so much for things. The cheaper brand is just as good.”
Then in your 30’s you realize why they paid the extra 80 cents to get the brand name version.
Then in your 30’s you realize why they paid the extra 80 cents to get the brand name version.
November 25, 2024 at 5:45 PM
You spend your 20’s saying “my parents were suckers for paying so much for things. The cheaper brand is just as good.”
Then in your 30’s you realize why they paid the extra 80 cents to get the brand name version.
Then in your 30’s you realize why they paid the extra 80 cents to get the brand name version.
Video game rare take: I LOVED the Deus Ex Human Revolution hacking mini game. I’d buy a standalone version of that game.
November 12, 2024 at 11:43 PM
Video game rare take: I LOVED the Deus Ex Human Revolution hacking mini game. I’d buy a standalone version of that game.