Chicago Pillar | Sports
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pillarsports.bsky.social
Chicago Pillar | Sports
@pillarsports.bsky.social
Only the finest* and most thoughtfully-vetted sports news† available in print‡ to Chicago fans for over a century.

* - satirical
† - made up
‡ - on the internet
#CUBS: In anticipation of season meltdown, Wrigley Field installs s**cide nets around stadium
September 8, 2025 at 3:19 PM
#BEARS: #DaBears, ahead of Monday Night opener against #Vikings, lay fresh gravel, garbage, wood chips on Soldier Field playing surface
September 2, 2025 at 7:51 PM
Reposted by Chicago Pillar | Sports
#WHITESOX: #Pope Bob enjoyed a cigar outside an Oak Brook 7-Eleven with a crowd of devotees on hand. “Dis place’ll always be White Hen, get me?” The mood soured as reports came in of a south side series loss to the Astros. His holiness sparked a Winston 100 & spat before his departure.
June 13, 2025 at 3:59 AM
#WHITESOX: #Pope Bob enjoyed a cigar outside an Oak Brook 7-Eleven with a crowd of devotees on hand. “Dis place’ll always be White Hen, get me?” The mood soured as reports came in of a south side series loss to the Astros. His holiness sparked a Winston 100 & spat before his departure.
June 13, 2025 at 3:59 AM
#CUBS: Boog Sciambi temporarily abandons ayahuasca spirit journey to broadcast Phillies series opener
June 9, 2025 at 11:57 PM
#CUBS: Star RF Kyle Tucker injures finger during escape from within a rhinocerous
June 3, 2025 at 2:16 PM
#BEARS: Kevin Warren, George McCaskey settle on abandoned lot, a former Tilted Kilt location, for new Bears practice facility; plan stadium lot within a closed Shoney's
June 3, 2025 at 2:04 PM
#CUBS: Tom Ricketts, multi-billionaire, has offered all-star slugger Kyle Tucker a crisp $100 bill over a 10-year contract
May 22, 2025 at 7:01 PM
#WSCR: Former 670 The Score host Dan Bernstein reportedly living in van down by river.

More here: tinyurl.com/4s8b89sz
May 19, 2025 at 7:33 PM
#Bears: 2025 schedule release assures fans that Thanksgiving, Christmas won’t be ruined by franchise
May 15, 2025 at 12:46 AM
#Cubs/#WhiteSox: Pope Leo XIV clarifies that neither MLB team currently piques his interest; is fully behind Kane County Cougars, however
May 14, 2025 at 3:00 PM
#Cubs: Northsiders celebrate 25th anniversary of Glenallen Hill hitting a ball into fuckin’ outer space; holy hell did he smash that goddamn thing at least 5-600 feet, my god
May 11, 2025 at 11:50 PM
#WhiteSox: 2B Chase Meidroth has surprise orgasm during pop-fly, leads to embarrassing error, Chicago loss
May 7, 2025 at 4:24 PM
#Cubs: After historically bad outing, RP Ryan Pressly has been designated for assignment into the galactic abyss, lost to time and the ancient gods of humanity's ruination.

More: tinyurl.com/57cnc9s4
May 7, 2025 at 4:16 PM
#Cubs: North siders celebrate 27th anniversary of Kerry Wood hitting 20 bags ringers in a row.

More: tinyurl.com/5xmeyv7v
May 6, 2025 at 2:56 PM
#NHLPlayoffs: Watching game 7 of Jets/Blues reminds #Blackhawks fans of Chris Campoli and Alec Martinez, as Chicago area ratings plummet during key playoffs game.
May 5, 2025 at 3:29 AM
#BREAKING: GM Kyle Davidson to announce that legendary NAHL brawler Shats MacDuffin will be next #Blackhawks head coach.

More: tinyurl.com/y3fd5bju
May 2, 2025 at 1:26 AM
#Bears: Former QB Jay Cutler signs multi-year endorsement deal with Marlboro cigarettes; anticipates being paid in product - "for love of the game," says Cutler's representation.
May 1, 2025 at 3:42 PM
#Cubs: Hoyer to promote Bananas Sinclair, LHP/Orangutan, from AAA Iowa to Cubs main roster
May 1, 2025 at 2:26 PM
#WhiteSox: Chairman Jerry Reinsdorf has been successfully reminded that he owns White Sox.

“Oh yeah,” said Reinsdorf. “Thanks for that.”

He reportedly then resumed flicking boogers onto the windows of his luxury suite.
May 1, 2025 at 2:42 AM
#Cubs: Pittsburgh PD has taken the right field wall into custody
May 1, 2025 at 1:59 AM
RETRACTION: The Pillar editorial staff has removed the offending post regarding the fallen Pirates fan, and the social media intern responsible is no longer employed by Pillar Press Inc. We apologize to those impacted.

Also we are hiring social media interns; apply here: tinyurl.com/3cacjjjp
May 1, 2025 at 1:37 AM
#Bulls: Chairman Reinsdorf to induct Lonzo Ball into team's prestigious "Hall of Knees," first member since Derrick Rose to join illustrious injury ring of honor.

More: tinyurl.com/yzr5bx3v
April 30, 2025 at 6:31 PM
#Bears: Kevin Warren turns new stadium talks into developing lot at Baltic Avenue.

More: tinyurl.com/mr25f9vt
April 30, 2025 at 4:35 PM