Completely understandable!

(And it can be a productive way of internal demarcation btw.)

Do you have memories of beautiful childhood experiences? If so, don't forget them over that, they might come handy some other day.

I mean do you blame your parents for that? (sorry, non-native english speaker here..)

sorry, I did not spell out completely.. I did mean to ask if you have thoughts accusing your parents of pushing those things on you.

He said, that it depends very much on the case.

From his view, religious beliefs can either help (e. g. by giving inner support), or hurt (e.g. by giving severe external expectations), and this could depend on whether the personal image of the "higher being" is gracious or punitive.

ok, just for completion, and much shorter than the first topic, now the second topic which you wrote about: religion.

a therapist friend told me many years ago that religion plays a (smaller or bigger) part in quite a lot of persons. I asked him if he as therapist sees that problematic.

of course, ADHD and medical effect is very different for each person, so if it did not help you, it still can be very valuable for others. my son does not feel "zombielike" at all, just that his mind does not spin wildly and draws him down in a negative spiral..

oh, and btw we found that he has ADHD and now gets MPH (Ritalin) for abt 6 months.
And he profits enormously from it. He says that with MPH, his social anxiety is *much* better, and I guess that things would not have escalated so much if he would have gotten treatment earlier in life.

yes, all that is toxic sh*t, sorry you had to experience that :(

btw I am not accusing - she simply pushed those role expectations that she learned as kid and surely did "mean good" (like wanting him to be "successful" in this social environment, but not seeing the impact on him). do you accuse?

so that's about sexist gender roles, which you have had your share put on you it seems.
If I read/remember correctly, you are transfem - so how are those role expectations for you now?

btw he is a great motorbike driver ;)
and while his grandmother still keeps saying bad stuff like "you need to eat more, you are so thin", he now is angry about her, not about himself - which is fantastic progress. next step would be to simply laugh about it and ignore it :)

He is 18 now, and when he moved to me abt two years ago, I immediately organized therapy for him, and while still in progress, he is getting better and more self-accepting. And a very important step is to ignore all those expectations and try finding your own style.

While there are other factors, a strong factor is severe self-hate because he does not fit gender roles like "men have to be strong", which unfortunately his mother and her mother pushed to him a lot ("you have to eat more or you won't be a real man", "you are to weak to ride motorbike" etc)

I have two sons, and the older is very tall and extremely slim.

Unfortunately he struggled a lot (being bullied, severe depression, panic attacks, non-suicidal self-harm, psychosomatic clinics, ..).

first one is sexist gender roles ("men/boys have to be xyz").

I personally reject all those (everyone should find their own way) and see a lot of damage done by those, be it personal or society expectations to a person because of his gender.

wow, that's a long thread and you experienced quite some stuff in your childhood and teenage time. I hope you are ok and wish you get even better in the time to come.

I see two main topics (I hope not to have ignored/forgotten/overread sth important?), and would like to write regarding both.

Hi, ich könnte sowas evtl rumfliegen haben. 8mm Außendurchmesser, ok, aber welcher Innendurchmesser (also wie breit ist der Soundkanal vom Kopfhörer)? Ich hatte mir schon mal Universal-Sets bestellt, die dann nicht auf die Kopfhörer passten (zu locker waren)..

Korrektur/Ergänzung: Diese Hilfe-App steht auch für männliche Gewaltopfer zur Verfügung ("Nach dem erfolgreichen Testlauf und angesichts des Ausmaßes und der Intensität häuslicher Gewalt werde nun jedem im Land - unabhängig vom Geschlecht - ein entsprechender Zugang gegeben, hieß es weiter.")