Pocket Turlington
@pocketturlington.bsky.social
📼 Drag actress | Hulu’s 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘏𝘪𝘵𝘴
📠 Lo-fi office surrealism
🗂️ HR folklore from jobs that never existed
📋This office is ongoing
📠 Lo-fi office surrealism
🗂️ HR folklore from jobs that never existed
📋This office is ongoing
AQUARIUS: A CD-ROM will find you. Run it, but install nothing.
SAGITTARIUS: Refill the communal candy jar. Not for karma — for narrative continuity.
CANCER: A coworker’s cardigan will restore your faith in texture. Let it change your trajectory.
SAGITTARIUS: Refill the communal candy jar. Not for karma — for narrative continuity.
CANCER: A coworker’s cardigan will restore your faith in texture. Let it change your trajectory.
December 29, 2025 at 4:26 PM
AQUARIUS: A CD-ROM will find you. Run it, but install nothing.
SAGITTARIUS: Refill the communal candy jar. Not for karma — for narrative continuity.
CANCER: A coworker’s cardigan will restore your faith in texture. Let it change your trajectory.
SAGITTARIUS: Refill the communal candy jar. Not for karma — for narrative continuity.
CANCER: A coworker’s cardigan will restore your faith in texture. Let it change your trajectory.
In ’94, someone labeled every fruit-bottom yogurt in the fridge “Destiny.” The plain-yogurt adherents staged a walkout that lasted until the moms had to leave for school pickup.
December 26, 2025 at 3:30 PM
In ’94, someone labeled every fruit-bottom yogurt in the fridge “Destiny.” The plain-yogurt adherents staged a walkout that lasted until the moms had to leave for school pickup.
ATTN: Please refrain from unplugging any legacy PCs. Their dreams are fragile.
December 23, 2025 at 3:35 PM
ATTN: Please refrain from unplugging any legacy PCs. Their dreams are fragile.
SCORPIO: Someone will return a pen you forgot you stole. Accept the closure.
LIBRA: The office breeze will choose your mood today. Participate.
TAURUS: The pizza-kit fundraiser will reveal your true allies. Observe calmly as they emerge.
LIBRA: The office breeze will choose your mood today. Participate.
TAURUS: The pizza-kit fundraiser will reveal your true allies. Observe calmly as they emerge.
December 22, 2025 at 4:50 PM
SCORPIO: Someone will return a pen you forgot you stole. Accept the closure.
LIBRA: The office breeze will choose your mood today. Participate.
TAURUS: The pizza-kit fundraiser will reveal your true allies. Observe calmly as they emerge.
LIBRA: The office breeze will choose your mood today. Participate.
TAURUS: The pizza-kit fundraiser will reveal your true allies. Observe calmly as they emerge.
In ’92, a temp alphabetized the entire supply room. It lasted six minutes. Three promotions and one giant mall cookie were traced back to that moment.
December 19, 2025 at 3:35 PM
In ’92, a temp alphabetized the entire supply room. It lasted six minutes. Three promotions and one giant mall cookie were traced back to that moment.
NOTE TO STAFF: Due to recent events, all office keys must be blessed by the receptionist’s ceramic dolphin. No exceptions (except asthma).
December 18, 2025 at 3:46 PM
NOTE TO STAFF: Due to recent events, all office keys must be blessed by the receptionist’s ceramic dolphin. No exceptions (except asthma).
Candace from Payroll sighed, looked at her own paperwork, and said, “They’ve lost me again.” No one was sure whether she meant spiritually or procedurally.
December 16, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Candace from Payroll sighed, looked at her own paperwork, and said, “They’ve lost me again.” No one was sure whether she meant spiritually or procedurally.
GEMINI: Avoid overusing the staple remover. It remembers every liberation.
PISCES: Changing the water bottle will clarify your emotional agenda. Lift with intention.
LEO: If you take toilet paper home, do so proudly. Prosperity favors the bold.
PISCES: Changing the water bottle will clarify your emotional agenda. Lift with intention.
LEO: If you take toilet paper home, do so proudly. Prosperity favors the bold.
December 15, 2025 at 7:15 PM
GEMINI: Avoid overusing the staple remover. It remembers every liberation.
PISCES: Changing the water bottle will clarify your emotional agenda. Lift with intention.
LEO: If you take toilet paper home, do so proudly. Prosperity favors the bold.
PISCES: Changing the water bottle will clarify your emotional agenda. Lift with intention.
LEO: If you take toilet paper home, do so proudly. Prosperity favors the bold.
Professional Tip: If the copier sighs, give it space. If it hums, make a wish. If it speaks, contact your beneficiaries.
December 12, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Professional Tip: If the copier sighs, give it space. If it hums, make a wish. If it speaks, contact your beneficiaries.
Janine arrived thirty minutes early, placed a single Sbarro breadstick at Reception, and said, “It’s begun.” No one asked what.
December 10, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Janine arrived thirty minutes early, placed a single Sbarro breadstick at Reception, and said, “It’s begun.” No one asked what.
NOTE TO STAFF: All radio clocks will run five minutes slow to support morale, reflection, and the illusion of control. AM frequencies have been temporarily disabled as an aesthetic consideration.
December 9, 2025 at 5:46 PM
NOTE TO STAFF: All radio clocks will run five minutes slow to support morale, reflection, and the illusion of control. AM frequencies have been temporarily disabled as an aesthetic consideration.
VIRGO: Your three-hole punch knows what you sacrificed. The confetti is equilibrium.
CAPRICORN: Your inbox will reshuffle itself at dawn. Let it tell you what matters.
ARIES: If the new carpet feels familiar, please contact HR. They’ve been expecting this.
CAPRICORN: Your inbox will reshuffle itself at dawn. Let it tell you what matters.
ARIES: If the new carpet feels familiar, please contact HR. They’ve been expecting this.
December 8, 2025 at 3:01 PM
VIRGO: Your three-hole punch knows what you sacrificed. The confetti is equilibrium.
CAPRICORN: Your inbox will reshuffle itself at dawn. Let it tell you what matters.
ARIES: If the new carpet feels familiar, please contact HR. They’ve been expecting this.
CAPRICORN: Your inbox will reshuffle itself at dawn. Let it tell you what matters.
ARIES: If the new carpet feels familiar, please contact HR. They’ve been expecting this.
ATTN: Any binder left ajar after hours will be ceremonially closed by Terry from HR. This is an act of courtesy, containment, and mild divination.
December 4, 2025 at 10:52 PM
ATTN: Any binder left ajar after hours will be ceremonially closed by Terry from HR. This is an act of courtesy, containment, and mild divination.
Gary from Facilities whispered “steady now” to the drinking fountain and the stream corrected itself mid-arc. Celeste told several of us about her paper cut.
December 3, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Gary from Facilities whispered “steady now” to the drinking fountain and the stream corrected itself mid-arc. Celeste told several of us about her paper cut.
Effective immediately, delivery of interoffice mail is contingent on proof of purchase from Shelly’s son’s Cherrydale Farms fundraiser.
October 7, 2025 at 4:25 PM
Effective immediately, delivery of interoffice mail is contingent on proof of purchase from Shelly’s son’s Cherrydale Farms fundraiser.
Aries : The vending machine knows your choice. It’s rooting for you.
Leo: A stranger will leave the voicemail you were meant to send.
Aquarius: Switch to blue ink. It’s lucky this quarter.
Leo: A stranger will leave the voicemail you were meant to send.
Aquarius: Switch to blue ink. It’s lucky this quarter.
October 6, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Aries : The vending machine knows your choice. It’s rooting for you.
Leo: A stranger will leave the voicemail you were meant to send.
Aquarius: Switch to blue ink. It’s lucky this quarter.
Leo: A stranger will leave the voicemail you were meant to send.
Aquarius: Switch to blue ink. It’s lucky this quarter.
Janine’s Pontiac Sunfire stalled in the lot and half the memos are missing. Mr. Zaragoza is smoking again.
September 25, 2025 at 6:25 PM
Janine’s Pontiac Sunfire stalled in the lot and half the memos are missing. Mr. Zaragoza is smoking again.
In ’91, the social committee dropped 1000 Jolly Ranchers into the atrium fountain. It was fun until the bees came.
September 24, 2025 at 7:23 PM
In ’91, the social committee dropped 1000 Jolly Ranchers into the atrium fountain. It was fun until the bees came.
Gary from facilities replaced a ceiling tile. Behind it: a stack of Columbia House CDs.
September 23, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Gary from facilities replaced a ceiling tile. Behind it: a stack of Columbia House CDs.
Cancer: Your desk drawer will resist you. Leave it closed.
Libra: Someone will compliment your Rolodex. This is a warning.
Taurus: A binder clip will hold more than it should. Accept the gift.
Libra: Someone will compliment your Rolodex. This is a warning.
Taurus: A binder clip will hold more than it should. Accept the gift.
September 22, 2025 at 5:42 PM
Cancer: Your desk drawer will resist you. Leave it closed.
Libra: Someone will compliment your Rolodex. This is a warning.
Taurus: A binder clip will hold more than it should. Accept the gift.
Libra: Someone will compliment your Rolodex. This is a warning.
Taurus: A binder clip will hold more than it should. Accept the gift.
Note to staff: Effective immediately, overhead projectors are reserved for personal correspondence. Business use is prohibited.
September 17, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Note to staff: Effective immediately, overhead projectors are reserved for personal correspondence. Business use is prohibited.
In ’95, the elevator opened to a floor that didn’t exist. Denise took notes.
September 16, 2025 at 3:59 PM
In ’95, the elevator opened to a floor that didn’t exist. Denise took notes.
Leo: The ficus leans away from you. It knows something.
Pisces: Practice intention, leave one word voicemails.
Sagittarius: Avoid warm lunches.
Pisces: Practice intention, leave one word voicemails.
Sagittarius: Avoid warm lunches.
September 15, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Leo: The ficus leans away from you. It knows something.
Pisces: Practice intention, leave one word voicemails.
Sagittarius: Avoid warm lunches.
Pisces: Practice intention, leave one word voicemails.
Sagittarius: Avoid warm lunches.
ATTN: Light dimmers in Conference Room A are stuck on low. Avoid accidental romance
September 10, 2025 at 6:36 PM
ATTN: Light dimmers in Conference Room A are stuck on low. Avoid accidental romance
Q2 reports were late after all of Finance camped out for Hootie and the Blowfish tickets. Corn Nuts were banned.
September 9, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Q2 reports were late after all of Finance camped out for Hootie and the Blowfish tickets. Corn Nuts were banned.